"Would be better if I felt like I was contributing."

That's in quotes because someone else said it.

Someone who has no idea...
Someone I've been keeping an eye on for years, watching the strength and the grace and seeming ease with which this person handles life.

Some of it's not been easy, I know that.
But, she makes it look like it is with the awe-inspiring strength she possesses.
(That strength that she possesses and is mostly unaware of... *admiring grin*)

You know those ads for the Army, I think it was, some branch of the service anyway, where they say the recruits get more done before 6am than we do all week, pretty much?

I know where they got the inspiration for that concept... especially if it was the Army who said it.

Every single day, this woman does more things for more people in the course of just being who she is than any philanthropist even could.
And, ya know how they are and how much money they have to get their deeds done...
All well and good, BUT...

this lady is even more incredible than that, if for no other reason (and the "other reasons" are legion) than the fact that she does what she does, all that she does, born of, and to show and grow more... love.

The life she lives, the lives she sustains and supports and gives all to to give them the best choices and chances possible, from my perspective, it all looks like one huge, healthy, beating heart backlit by the aura of love.

Her contribution to this can't be measured in any capacity, least of all dollars and cents, which is what she was talkin' about with that statement.

Without her, none of any of the rest of it would be possible, especially not in the manner, with the love, with which she gets it done.

Oh sure, maybe you could hire people, a veritable army you'd need, too, to do the daily domestic stuff she does.

Three meals a day for eight people.
Keeping eight people, six of whom are kids, in clean clothes.
Keeping the house, running the errands, being a chauffeur, keeping everybody and everything not only going, but moving ahead... it's almost endless and maybe you could pay people enough to do it adequately.

But, this lady is beyond "adequate".
She's all those things I just listed and then some.

Like...
a loving and committed wife, a scared daughter, and a wonderful, pro-active, involved mother...

She does all these things, and so much more, every single day and with such grace as to make it seem easy.

And, she's mistakenly and unfavorably comparing (while not actually seeing) all that she does, which, coincidentally, all but precludes her from even having the time for a job, with bringing in a paycheck as the only notable or worthy contribution.

Understandable though, in that she doesn't even see all that she does AS all that she does.

In other words... she doesn't see how immensely important she, and what she does every day, is to everybody else in her house.
Nor does she have time to grasp that the manner in which she does what she does, the innate love infused into damned near every gesture, is equally as important.

But, I bet she does know that love really is more important than money... in the short term as well as the long run.

And, once she thinks about that, the rest might become a little clearer.
She might catch a glimpse of just how amazing she is on a daily basis.
She might just catch a quick peek at just what how tremendous the contribution is that she makes... on a daily basis.

And, taking that one step further...

how many people do you know who are amazing and make a tremendous contribution to anything on a daily basis?

And, that is why this all *waves hand at all the typing here* needed to be said.

And... wanna know another thing?
Not only does she do all stuff I've alluded to, she also contributes (to use her word *smile*) not just to my life, but to pretty much everybody's life who reads her by sharing her life with us.

So, thank you for that Ang, and please... just try to see all that you do do even half as clearly as you see the things you think you still need to do, okay?

And, hey... you guys wanna know something else?

When Rob died, I lost a huge chunk of foundation/anchor in my life in more ways than have even made themselves known to me yet.

One of the first, though, was what to do with all this time I suddenly had online that I used to spend at Gut Rumbles, just watching it happen and evolve.
Where the FUCK was I gonna find anybody who writes, let alone has balls, like Rob, ya know?

Well, I knew I'd NEVER find "another Rob".
I didn't hold out much hope, at first, that anybody else would even capture my attention to the degree that he did in ANY of the ways that he did.
And, Jesus, where there multudinous ways he did that...

One was his strength.

And, Angie might be living the most opposite life from Rob's possible, but pound for pound, blow for blow, she's every bit as strong in her world as Rob was in his.
Maybe even moreso...

And, as a person for me to look to to see my own petty crap for what it is and to learn to "suck it up" from, well... I couldn't have asked for a better example if I can't have Rob, if you know how I mean that. (God, I hope this is coming out how I mean it...)

I'm not saying that Angie is a great replacement or a wonderful "number two".

I'm saying she's a great (and wonderful) number ONE in and of herself and as a source of strength.

Just like Rob was for me.

Just like Rob was for me, she is strength personified.

And, much like Rob, she doesn't see that about herself, either.

But, my point is... now I only hafta find another 7,999 people to fill in the rest of the gaps left in my life and my heart by Rob's death.

"Strength" is taken care of.

Posted by: Stevie at 11:19 PM

Comments

Posted by: Cindy at December 24, 2006 07:27 AM (Iigtw)

Posted by: knymarketingran at March 22, 2007 01:27 PM (0C1i5)

Posted by: thecarspeakertuor at June 23, 2007 10:23 PM (PLBWg)

Posted by: sweeta-sr at March 25, 2008 07:37 PM (Qnl99)

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