I think I just figured something out...
"Get a life."
When I say that about or to someone, to me it means that you're stickin' your nose too far into my business, as if your own life isn't enough to keep ya busy.So, when I say that, I guess it's just a nice way of sayin' "Fuck off." However.... I think when most other people say it, they more mean "How dare you have a non-stressed-to-the-gills-life like me? If you're not as maxed out in every way as me, it must mean there's something 'wrong' with you, not me."
They're just jealous and pissed off because they can't do it like you are. Damn. Now, nobody said that to me, or anything...at least not to my face. But, I figured someone would if I dared mention that I'm, like...freakin' out happy right now and why. But, I am. And, the thing that pushed me from "Everything's (just) okay" to "Yipee!!!" is so fuckin' goofy... Siiiigh. Fuck it....It's because I'm taping episodes of "Green Acres" and "The Brady Bunch" off the TV in the livingroom...(while I sit here watching "Animal House" on George's little TV/VCR combo.) I mean...everything isn't perfect...Eric still has to have a tooth yanked Monday and is still on antibiotics, George has his crap from the other day, I've got both of them to worry about on top of whatever, ya know? But...
It's (holy shit...I just realized this part)...it's about to go from 1am to 3am because of DST, which I love, because it means SPRING IS TOO HERE, DAMN IT, even if the stupid weather refuses to acknowledge it. I also have a pot of hyacinths, purple ones, right over my head, on top the this desk...Lord Gawd they smell so good. When I had them in my lap coming home from the store with them, I kept iiiiinhaling them, just like I do freshly opened tins of Copenhagen. I said to George it's as if they fill me with so much 'feeling good', they leave no room for the horseshit.
He said "Yep. You've got that Seasonal Disorder thing, sure as hell..." Sure must. The house is mostly clean, though I oughta do some wash...Eric is off tomorrow...All the animals are fine...I'm fine (knock on wood...*thunk, thunk, thunk...Ow, that hurts my skull when I do that*)...everything is cool AND I'm getting to tape some cool old shows I still love and watch. And...(Ouch, you silly little fuck!! My stupid kitten just this second came up and clawed the back of my thigh for reasons known only to her and God...punk.)..and, tomorrow I can
Kinda weird too, though. Nothing major has changed. I still hafta wait to get my license back...Eric's ex is still breathing...that crap is still there, but, for some reason...I now see the glass that looked half-empty about a week ago as a little more than half full. I can almost 'see it' laid out like a plan, looking back. I mean, things were pretty low in January, right around when Gia died. Then the rabbit, the cat, Jon doing his horse horseshit...ugh.
Then, David offered to do Tarot readings for people. So, I asked to be put on the list and he did it. I'll be fine. Then, I asked him if he'd read Eric's, because, really, that's what I worry most about. He did and Eric'll be fine, too. May not be really easy all the time, but we'll be okay.
Now, the day David sent my reading back, one of the things he said was to 'take the risk'. Well, I did that. He said "It'll be worth it." It was. The day his email arrived, I was going to go 'be judged' as to my worthiness to own Storm. I was scared after that last time, but David made me relax and open up a little and here the horse is.
How cool is that?
Now, spring is trying like hell to get here and, if I'm 'seeing' this clearly, having the horse now, having spring get here now...that'll make it easier for me to get the hell outta this house, get some excercise and get this JLo ass offa me by the time I get the old license back. Then, I take my smaller, way cuter little ass someplace nearby and get a job. Waitressing, preferrably. I can do that part-time, well-enough, to make enough cash to make it work and still have time for my LIFE. Hah.
God, won't THAT piss off just TONS of people....*snerk* Sounds like a plan, though, don't it? Think I'mina head in that general direction. See how far I can go. (Heh..both the computer and the cell phone just went from 1:00am to 3:00am, one seconds after the other. I got to watch both of 'em do it....Man, am I easily amused, or what?) Okay...now people have told me before, but...what it is again that is an adequate substitute for ephedra? By adequate substitute, I mean something 'internally thermal' that gives you energy, like that did. If it has to be a combination of shit, fine. I just need energy to get started and having that 'thermal' boost to my metabolism is priceless...it helps loads.
Energy and metabolism...I understand they're related and both self-perpetuating. I want that 'kick in the ass' to get a good start.
Momentum...use the 'downward' momentum to get up enough speed to crest...got it.
Even if it means without my ephedra....(stupid althetes). Anyway...I just had to get it in writing.... Yes...my life is pretty cool right now.
I actually, for a change, don't feel like the inside of me is made outta concrete...hard, cold, jagged edged and heavy. I feel....even. Level.
And, I don't wanna not be aware of one minute of it. I'd like to roll and dwell in it, the way the depression expected me to do before.
So...I think I'm gonna. Ya know...if it wasn't for you guys the other day, I'd still be locked in the bathroom or something over that snot at the clinic, but, thanks to you guys...that was pretty easy to throw off.
So, if anybody has any hints, tips, advice or whatever about how to lose an extra ass, with or (mostly) without ephedra in about 5 or 6 months (by the time I get my license back)...please feel free to let me know...I'm gonna keep asking til ya's do, anyway, dontchaknow. Nagging, coercing, bugging, asking, inquiring and such as to whether or not I've done any kind of excercise every day is also most welcomed. And, please don't let the occasionally bared teeth back ya off, either. I may cuss goin' out the door, but I'll hug you and say thanks when I get back.
(Yes, Eric...you too. If you wanna do it while using a chair and a whip, fine. Just do it, okay? I NEED you to...therefore I will not 'blame' or 'punish' you for it, as was done for all those years. Promise. Oh, and I'll also stop stuffing you with baked goods to try to get you to weigh as much as me, too, okay? If ya want, that is...*giggle*)
(Two years and he's still not there. Dude's got a hollow leg or some damn thing, I swear...) Peace, y'all.
Comments
1
Stevie:
Ain't it a grand feeling when the depression lifts long enough for you peek under the curtain? Now's the time to do whatever you can physically (yup, the exercise is a great part) and emotionally to help keep yourself on an even keel. Good thing Spring finally arrived huh?
As for the exercise, it's self-fulfilling. Doing some gives you the energy to do some more. And that internal thermal boost ya want actually comes from the exercise itself. The more you exercise, the more you boost your metabolism, which then burns calories even while yer sittin' still, and just makes you feel better all over.
If you can throw in a little weight work (shouldn't be hard to get that kind of work on a farm,) then your increased muscle mass will continue to burn even more calories even when not exercising.
Use those outdoors hon... we need all the daylight & vitamin D we can get.
Ain't it a grand feeling when the depression lifts long enough for you peek under the curtain? Now's the time to do whatever you can physically (yup, the exercise is a great part) and emotionally to help keep yourself on an even keel. Good thing Spring finally arrived huh?
As for the exercise, it's self-fulfilling. Doing some gives you the energy to do some more. And that internal thermal boost ya want actually comes from the exercise itself. The more you exercise, the more you boost your metabolism, which then burns calories even while yer sittin' still, and just makes you feel better all over.
If you can throw in a little weight work (shouldn't be hard to get that kind of work on a farm,) then your increased muscle mass will continue to burn even more calories even when not exercising.
Use those outdoors hon... we need all the daylight & vitamin D we can get.
Posted by: Light & Dark at April 04, 2004 01:57 PM (Hrm9v)
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