Focus on the funny...

In spite of the fact that that asshole-who-wouldn't-leave, Mike from Jersey, is upping the ante quite a bit in his bid to be Asshole of the Century and Jr. and I spent about two hours last night combating his assholery, and ultimately triumphing, it was still a decent day.

It kinda got bumped from "good" status due to my "trip", but, all in all, it was okay.

Briefly, about Mike... he's a total fucknozzle and last night, he called ME... yeah, ME- who hates him more than the others in this house combined- and asked me to have Jr. call him, it was important because he's (allegedly) going in the hospital.
(And, why the hell he didn't just radio Jr. himself, in light of the later bullshit he pulled, as y'all will see, is beyond me.)

I told him I'd do that just as soon as he cut the shit and got rid of the shit he'd already done.
(I know this doesn't make much sense, but... it's not about me, personally, so I can't get into too much detail....)

*coupla minutes later, spent debating*

Okay.
This jerkoff has been doing something very uncool to Jr. online, unknown to Jr., but known to ME, because that asshole (Mike) made damned sure I knew allll about it.
His impetus was to put me in a lose-lose situation, while at the same time, having any kinda control that he possibly could over what goes on around here, even from Jersey.
What he wanted was to cause as much damage as he could to my relationship with Jr. or his Dad or Jr.'s relationship with his Dad or whatever else bad could happen.

I've known about this shit since he was here and have been pretty much "fucked if I do, fucked if I don't" for the last few weeks.

I couldn't tell Sr., because it coulda possibly really fucked Jr. up and pissed him off and I couldn't tell Jr. because if Sr. found out I knew all along and didn't tell him, he'd maybe have gotten pissed at me.

That cock-knockin' mofo is really a piece of work.

So, for all this time, I've been sitting on this shit, just waiting to see what his next move would be and I figured I'd plan my next move from that.

Well... he made his move and, as far as he could tell, it got no response from any of us.
I knew, but nobody else did.

Then, he pulls this shit earlier (technically "last night", as this is early morning as I type) of calling me to relay his lie to Jr. and I made my counter proposal.

He asked me to have Jr. call him and I told him I'd do that when he rescinded his horseshit.
His answer to that was, "Well, I guess it ain't happenin' then..."
To which my reply was, "Hey, asshole... I can tell Jr. about BOTH. You want me to tell him about ALL of it?!!?"

He never answered, the loser.

I was pissed.
I was so fuckin' pissed, my fuckin' hands were shaking and I swear before GOD, if he had been in front of me just then, the last goddamned thing he'd have to worry about is some bullshit "medical condition".

I came back down here (I'd gone upstairs to deal with him privately) and told Jr. everything.

Sr. was in the room, but I didn't say what it was that Mike had done.
I showed him and asked Sr. to just give Jr. a minute and let him decide who needs to see what 'cause it was probably enough for him to handle that I knew.

So, I showed Jr. and he called Sr. right over to see it too and we all finally got on the same page and thank God, I don't have to deal with this asshole motherfucker by myself anymore.

And, I made sure to point out to Sr. and Jr. exactly the position that jerkoff put me in... piss off Jr. by telling Sr. or piss off Sr. by not telling him, real nice, huh?

Neither of them were or are pissed at me at all.

God, these are some good guys I've got here, aren't they?

Anyway, right about then, Cat called me and I got to talk to him for about half an hour, which gave Sr. and Jr. time to talk a bit and when I finished talkin' to Cat, we all talked together about it.

Then, Jr. decided what he wanted to do about it (short of going to Jersey to commit aggravated assault, if not murder) and he and I got on here, did his thing (he dictated, I typed) and Mike has been shut down every single way he could be.

Then, as we were ripping him a new asshole online, he kept radio-ing Jr.
He'd radio, we'd type.
Finally, he said (online) that he was gonna have a heart attack because of it all and Jr. told (typed back at) him, "Good. Die, you dick. I don't care."
(This was almost like IM-ing, but not exactly...)

Anyway, after Jr. said that, his radio beeps and Mike says, "You just "incriminated" yourself. You said "die" to me."

Jr. didn't answer him by radio, but I did type what he said to that to me, which was, "God, he's stupid. I didn't incriminate SHIT. He offered to die and I said "Good. Do it.", only, when it was said to Mike, I changed it to "You're stupid. You offered to die, etc..."

Then, the asshole did another new post (of sorts, it's not a blog, either), whining about Jr. "threting" (his spelling, not mine) him and saying he hoped Jr. was as pissed off and hurt as he'd been the last year and a buncha other stupid shit which made Jr. laugh.

He said (to me, not Asshole), "Yeah. I was pissed, at first. But, now that you and Dad and George and I all know together what's going on and we're handling like we are, I'm actually liking telling this motherfucker to fuck off. In fact, now that Dad's in on it and he's backing me up so much, it's actually got us more together and shit and hell, I like that, so fuck Mike, that asshole."

Then Asshole radioed again, saying he wants his necklace back and Jr. told him he'd MAIL it to him AFTER he undid the bullshit he did, not before.
He said he'd (un)do that in the morning and he KNOWS we'll check.
Jr. also told him to never even THINK about coming here again and to never so much as call him again and that's IT.

One of the reasons, aside from the fact that Jr. hates him now, that he said that to Asshole about coming here was because we could hear wind in the background when Asshole keyed the mic on his end.
Jr. called him on that, too... being in his car.
He said he wasn't and Jr. called him a "fuckin' liar" and then the other guy who was here with Asshole, the guy we all kinda still like because he's NOT a total jerkoff asshole motherfucker like Mike, radio-ed Jr. and told him not to worry, he had Asshole's keys and he wasn't going anywhere.

And, he too said Mike was gonna take care of the shit he started in the morning.
He'll make sure he does, too.

I told Jr., then Jr. told that guy, that he's welcome here anytime still, so long as he finds another way here besides Mike.

I think they BOTH got that point.

Guy #2 wasn't the problem when they were here before, he's not the problem now and he IS a nice guy, just stuck like a fly in a web because of that master manipulater, Mike-the-bleeding-Asshole, and his own less-than-peachy circumstances.

Anyway... it's over.
I'm not alone, dealing with this dickhead anymore and not one bit of what he wanted, except pissing off Jr. initially, happened.

All he did was lose a friend, make the bond between father and son and son and ME tighter, and united us ALL against him.

I also told Sr. that the biggest reason I didn't follow my SCREAMING instincts to tell him from day one was all his telling me that Jr. is 18, we can't make him to this, or forbid him from doing that, etc.
He grinned at me and said, "I know. You did good, REAL good, for the position you were put in."

And, frankly, this was another of the things that was driving me so fuckin' NUTS last week.

I know that now, now that it's over, finally.

Jesus... *shaking head*

Oh... and I've saved all of this bullshit, Jr.'s replies included, in case the need arises for the authorities to get involved.
"Threatened him", MY ASS.
And, there's a statute of limitations I intend to look into, too.

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times... you wanna fuck with me, go for it. You fuck with someone I love, I will annihilate yer ass.
And, I'm one of those goofy muthafuckers who says what they mean and means what they say.

Anyway...

After alla that horseshit, Jr. and I sat here, fuckin' around online til about 1:30am.
I set him up a Mozilla profile and an email account.
Then, he got to putzin' around on here by himself while I took care of a coupla "house thaaaangs", like loads of laundry and whatnot.
Then, he realized what time it was and decided to crash on the couch right behind me so it'll be easier for him to get up at 6:00am to go to work.

He's snorin' back there now...

I, on the other hand, am "watching" Rocky, getting all this shit outta me finally, still doing wash and just breeeeeathing deeply, with much relief.

I figure if "we" hafta talk to, type to, or deal with at ALL, that dickhead again, I'm gonna lay on him the fact that all he managed to do was "push" Jr. and his Dad closer together, tell him that every single person in this HOUSE knows what he's doing and that we've also informed the guy who owns this place AND the State Police and given them his tag number and the information that he has no license and everything ELSE about him, so if he ever does come around here again, he's goin' down and goin' down HARD and for as long as we can POSSIBLY make it.

And, the minute Nextel's offices open this morning, I'm also gonna call them, tell them that Jr. is being harassed like he is and have BOTH his numbers changed, phone and private ID, even if they want to charge us for it.
Then the only contact that dickhead will have with anybody around here will be through ME.
And he ain't gonna want THAT, I can tell ya.

Now, on to what we all did yesterday, before the bullshit and my "trip" which kinda downgraded the day from "good" to "okay"...

Yesterday afternoon, Sr., Jr. and I all took a drive up into the mountains to this dried up lake. They drained the lake, planted a TON of trees and turned it into a park.
That was kinda cool.
After we got cold enough there, we got back in the car and just drove around a little, looking at all the colors in the trees.
Friggin' AMAZING.

Then, we came home, they went to take care of the horses, while I prepared for Phase Two, which was "going to Wally-world and Giant" by taking a massive pee and finding my stupid bank card.

Then, we did that.
Went to Wally-world and got Jr. a heater for his room, a movie or two and some other crap, then went to Giant because Jr. was Jonsing for that chinese buffet food they have there... General Tso's chicken, ribs, eggrolls and the like, then we came back home.

I needed to feed the outside dogs.
Now, do y'all remember that 642 pounds of chicken potpie I made a while back?
Well, the pot was still sitting in the fridge about half full and everybody had tired of it a week ago, so it was "aged".
I decided to mix that in with the outside dogs' (dogses? nah... dogs') dry food.
(Yep. This is leading up to my "trip"...)

I go out there, in the dark, with the bucket of food and potpie in one hand and my big-assed spotlight in the other.
I was wearing my clogs.
Not the best footwear for trying to traverse an uneven yard with a bucketful of glop in one hand and huge spotlight in the other, as I was about to learn.

I took one misstep, which threw me forward, kind of bowing at the waist and caused me to damned near RUN, trying to maintain my balance.
After about 10 steps, *bang* down went the bucket of glop and *tuckandroll* went I through the spilled glop.

Was I several lightyears beyond pissed?

You betcha I was.

Then, when I staggered back in here, covered in three week old chicken pot pit, with kernels of dog food stuck in it and when I discovered that I hadn't gotten any in my hair, I nearly pissed myself laughing.
As did these two boneheads....

I'm gonna hafta remember to tell George about this when he gets up, here shortly.

Hell, if I'm gonna do physical comedy like that, I fully intend to milk it for all it's worth, don'tcha know.

George didn't get to hear about this last night, because he got back from Jersey in the middle of the Mike bullshit and went to bed long before Jr. and I quit messin' around on here.

He'll love this story, especially when I end it with, "See why YOU "get to" feed the dogs for me most of the time?"

At least HE manages to get it done with any damned gymnastics involved.

Then, after I'd already done THAT to myself is when Dickbag decided to start.
*sam elliot look*

Ya know?

So, it was a cool day, then an "I'm an uncoordinated fucktard" night, followed by Dickhead's bullshit which actually turned out to be GOOD for all of us around here, even if not s'much for him, like anybody gives a flying fuck about that.

OH! and, the best thing of all... my "dental help" IS enroute.
It was never "off" or changed, like I was thinking it was.
Circumstances beyond my dear benefactors control and my ability to understand/know/guess at are what held it up, but, it's a go, for sure.
So, in a week or so, I'll be dentist-office bound to have what amounts to Play-Doh squashed onto my bottom jaw and I'll be back to my "normal" (and I use that word very loosely) shit-eatin' grin self real soon after.

And, if indeed I am about as far from "normal" as person could get short of being fitted for a straight-jacket, with the shit I hafta deal with (Mike, falling in aged chickenpot pie laden dog food and such) is it any wonder?

I think not.

*slithers outta chair laughing*

Peace, y'all...

Posted by: Stevie at 06:07 AM

Comments

Posted by: dgpckxdnht at August 19, 2007 04:56 PM (GwUwn)

Posted by: sweeta-zi at March 25, 2008 07:37 PM (r+Qkw)

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