Gawd, I am such a 'tard, sometimes...

(And, BlogDog, you'll like the proof of this, this time...)

My favorite way to go to the grocery store is with headphones on and DefLep in the CD player.
I do that quite often.
Twice, so far, the volume wasn't up as far as I'm used to it being and both times, I've bought new batteries the second I entered the store.

Now, this Walkman has two places for batteries.
One is on the back and there's another one on top.
Never had one like this before and, from what I know, if the volume won't max out, it's because the batteries are dying.

So, today, I'm at the Giant and I keep fiddling with the Walkman, trying to figure out why it's not loud enough.
With this booger maxed out, you can't hear any ambient noise whatsoever.
I love that...

Anyway, I'm standing there, like a dork, right in the middle of the aisle, messin' with this thing and talking to myself.

"I know I have a cold and I'm half deaf from it, but, man... this is ridiculous. What the hell... can't be havin' Def Leppard playin' this quietly. I can hear that crappy piped in shit this place calls music... ick."

I go buy batteries.
I go back to my cart and put 'em right in.

Still too quiet.
Damn.

I fiddle-fuck around with all the connections and choices this thing has and, as I'm giving up and winding up the 80 foot cord to shove it back in my sweatpants pocket, the big connector-thingy that makes the cord 80 foot long slides through my hand.
When it does, all of a sudden, Def Leppard is YOU ARE THERE, LIVE, AT THE CONCERT LOUD again.

Jesus Frick, man...

I jumped about three feet straight up into the air, then landed, grinning ear-to-ringing-ear.
And, I grabbed that connector-thing and started looking it over, trying to figure out how it "fixed itself" and the volume goes down again.

WFT?!!?

Then, it goes back up and I turned the thing over and... aha.

There is yet another volume control on it that I didn't know about.
(Who ME read the instruction booklet BlogDog so kindly included? Piffle. Too much testosterone in me for that shit... *lmao*)

Glad I didn't have a chance to throw those replaced batteries away...
Now, I have "extras".
*rolling eyes at myself*

I'll tell you what... when that wonderful device is maxed out on volume, I can leave the headphones around my neck and hafta have people yell at me in order to hear them.

Did I mention I love that?

"If it's too loud, you're too old*."
(*Unless it's rap, of course.)

Glad I figured that whole deal out before it woulda been advisable for y'all to buy stock in Duracell.
(Invested in Puffs, yet, have ya? "It's not too late", she snuffles...)

So, yeah.
I'm officially a 'tard.

And, I come home and tell this story and what do I get in surround-sound reply?

"Took ya this long to figure that out?"

*sam elliot look*

Aw, shaddap, you three...
I simply told them, "Yeah, but now it's official.", blew 'em all a Bronx cheer and commenced to makin' the potpie.
Which, by the way, I have approximately 21 quarts of, no shit, no lie.
I used my big-assed "low country boil" pot and it was full to within an inch of the top before it cooked down some.
Then, it was a whole TWO inches from the top.

Chicken potpie, anyone?
Please?
Made whomp biscuits and corn bread, too....
Still have some of each left...
C'mon.
Come get some.
Hell, come get a LOT.
I'd still have plenty left.

And, I saw two "odd" things in less than a mile on my way to the store, too.

The first one was some person, I have no idea who, in a plastic blowup Sumo wrestler suit, runnin' all around a somebody's yard.

That I didn't drive into a ditch staring at that is a testament to my kickass driving skills, lem'me tell ya.
I had no idea that my head could actually go around 180 degrees like that.

Then, I make my left at the light and there's this lady parked on the shoulder, waving at me to slow down, not that I was doin' 90 in the first place.
I nodded to her, took my foot off the gas, then saw this thing in my lane.
As I moseyed on up to it, I saw it was a deer.
A young buck, in fact.
She'd hit him and he was laying like he would have if he'd been in his resting spot/bed in the woods (not flat out), in my lane.
I stopped completely and waited til he got up and ran into the woods.
Believe me, I wasn't movin', or letting anybody else move, til he did.
And, when he did, I literally cheered for him and went on.

There was no blood in the road, just hair, and once he got his shit together, he looked like he was okay.
Wasn't limping or anything, just stunned.

And, it looked like the woman's car was okay, too.
Just left a black rectangular thing, like would go around a headlight or something, in the road.
Both she and her black rectangular thing were gone when I came back by.

I'm just glad that buck was okay.
And, yes, I do feel exactly the same way when it's me hitting the deer.
I'm all, "Fuck my car, how're YOU, man?" to the poor deer.
Every time, too.

Well, except that one time I thought the poor thing was dead and tried to put it in my PINTO, then it came to and wasn't too happy to find itself mostly in the backseat of a car and shit.
(What? You think it was gonna fit in the four-inch trunk those things have? Yeah, so did I, at first...)

God, that's a whole post unto itself, which I have done before.
Involved town cops, state cops, blood all over my car and myself, the deer still being in the field when we allll got back there in the parade I ended up in... Jeezus.

I'll have to find that post and put it up again.

Further proof of my 'tardation...

Matter of fact, I'mina go find it now and post it as soon as I find it.

Meanwhile...

Peace, people.

Okay, I changed the time of this post, too.
After I did the other one, it seemed kinda stupid to me to have the post that started it all at the bottom.
Now, this post says the "deer in my Pinto" story is to follow and it does and the deer post says the dairy farming one is to follow and it does, too.

I feel much better now.

Except I have all this friggin' potpie in my fridge now....
and a stupid "A" thing on my post that won't go away.
Wtf is that?

Posted by: Stevie at 01:19 AM

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