1 'cause sweety, yer average garden variety male would much prefer to walk around wearing a greasy t-shirt and no pants of any kind. ANY excuse to get rid of those effers is just fine.

It's like you'd imagine wearing a necktie is, entirely unreasonably constricting.

First thing I do when I get home is change into PJ bottoms.

Usually with little ghosts on 'em, sometimes with squirrels wearing boxing gloves. But I digress.

2 Squirrels with boxing gloves?

Dude, I just laugh/choked so hard, a lung came out my left nostril.

Now, you KNOW I've gotta have a picture of that.

A picture of just the jammies (and where ya got 'em) would be cool.
You in 'em would be even better.

So sweet it makes my teeth ache...
You are SO cute.

(Still lmao, but in the most loving way possible.)

3 Simple explanation: Men are pigs.

As the mother of two boys, I took them into the "ladies" room (when they were about 3 and 4)

I would FREAK if they got too close to the bowl (while aiming)

Now....(since they are 19 and 20) I care not to think about their public restroom routines.....

But (as I said) the short answer is: Men are PIGS...

4 *bellchhh*

bunch o'crap.

*frappp*

5 *slithers outta chair, bonelessly to the floor, laughing helplessly*

6 Ya know, Stevie, pissblogging is just one step away from shitblogging...

7 This post gave me some good chuckles. After the last few weeks I've had, I needed that. Too funny...thanks! That is a good point about the pants down on the floor getting all sorts of icky stuff on 'em. I have never thought of that before but now that you bring it up...wow...why do guys do that? I have a good friend who works in the housekeeping dept. where she works. In the men's bathroom they have some sort of rubbery like mats around the toilets. She says they get so gross with urine on them and when she pulls the mats up they are all wet underneath with the same. I wonder how that happens...don't men hold their peckers and aim while they whizz? Or are they just "free-styling" and maybe combing their hair at the same time and in the process they are missing the target?? Inquiring minds wanna know!

8 After years of "research" (i.e.: being in the bathroom for whatever reason (besides peeking) while various guys I've known having been peein'...), I've come to the conclusion it's a combination of a coupla things...

Getting distracted/not paying attention and looking at ANYTHING except for what they're doing.

A good non-peeing example of typical male hand-to-eye coordination that proves this theory is the way my Dad drives.
If he says "Look over there..." pointing at something while he's driving, you don't need to crane your neck looking at whatever because he's gonna swerve toward it while he's pointin' and lookin' at it himself. You'll be lucky not to run it over, let alone SEE it.

Wherever their eyes go, the hand (and whatever is in it) is gonna follow.

A good PEEING example of this is Bluto in the beginning of Animal House.
When Larry and Kent walk up and ask him if "this is Delta House", he's peeing and turns to look at/answer them, still peeing, and pees all over their shins and shoes.

So, that's half the reason.

The other half is the end-dribbles.

To explain this, I'll hafta have you guys be "interactive" for a second.

Take a huge breath of air.
Get more air into your lungs than you thought humanly possible.
(What we're goin' for here is for your lungs to be as full as a guys bladder can get, if possible, without your chest wall a'sploding.)

Got your air?
*picturing people with puffed cheeks nodding and gesturing "C'mon woman, before we die here"...*

Now, start blowing it out in a controlled stream.

Keep blowing.

Keep blowing.
(Running out yet?)

Keep blowing.

Now, when yer alllllmost outta air, quick light a match, hold it at least a foot from your face and try to blow it out with the last feeble bit of breath you have.

Pretty hard, huh?

Well, it's the same prinicple with guys peeing.

By the time they get done peeing and peeeing and peeing, not only are their legs numb and crampy, that laaaast lil bit just seems to drool out, not quite hitting the bowl anymore and viola... dribbles down the front of the bowl, onto the rugs and floor.

Kinda like that whole "no matter how you shake and dance, the last three drops go on yer pants" thing.

Only it's the toilet instead of the light-colored, tailor-made slacks they're probably wearing to that meeting with the Boss when they stop enroute to take a leak first.
You know the ones.

Their pants that're related to ladies white garments that attract your period when you ain't "prepared" and are 70 miles from home, extra clothes and "other supplies".

So, see?
I do know why they pee everywhere, but til a while ago, I had no idea why they did the pants-around-the-ankles thing.
(Which, by the way, is the WORST way to be caught unawares... pants around the ankles. Hard to run like that.)

And, by the way, I also canvassed the guys around here about that.
George has no idea.
Eric says it makes it so yer balls are "comfortably hung" as opposed to bein' all squished like they would be if a guy kept his pants up, over his knees.

After that one, I didn't ask Jr.

Makes perfect sense though, doesn't it?

Now, if I could only find out how morbidly obese chicks wipe... besides those two back at the farm in Jersey who usedta just scrape it off on the back of the toilet seat. And walls.
*shudder*

Also still wondering what people who can't or don't like to read do while they shit.

Have I mentioned I have issues?