Okay...
Everybody is finally upstairs.
Jr & Sr got done work, I got Jr to get his shower first so I could "do" his wrist.I kinda changed my plans on that, too.
Got to CVS and found waterproof tape and bandages and Neosporin and self-cling ace bandages.
I got all the shit wide, 2"-this, 4"-that...
When he got outta the shower, I smeared Neosporin on the big-assed, waterproof bandage and put that on.
Then, I covered that with three strips of waterproof, white Johnson & Johnson tape.
Then, I put maybe three or fours wraps of the ace bandage around alla that. Very neat, very safe and the ace bandage is the same color as his tanned arm, so you can barely see any of it. And, I got plenty of everything, thinking it may need to be changed more than once a day if he gets cow shit in there. With the ace bandages, I'm just cutting off 10" or 12" at a time. If that much.
I have two of them, so they should last the ten days if I don't get nuts with it.
Like I do tape. As I was putting the third strip of the white J&J tape around his wrist, I said, "Oh, by the way... when it comes to tape, I never know when to quit. I'm a terror with scotch tape on Christmas presents.", as I unwound several inches of the white tape. He giggled and said, "I ain't no Christmas present, now..." "I'll try to remember that", I said back. The Doc in the ER asked me if I was gonna be okay before he started stitching and I said, "Oh yeah, I used to be an EMT... 'course, it is different when you know the person." The Doc got me a chair... *giggle* I was fine, though. I can remember following them into the house when he first did it saying to myself, "EMT head... need the EMT brain..." and not getting too great a response from that request. I had him put it under cold, running water, then put a towel on it with pressure while we tried to decide if he needed stitiches or not.
I finally told Eric to call the Boss.
Hell, I needed directions anyway, right? That's when he said to come to his house so he could see it and if we needed to go, he'd tell me how to get there. We did, he looked, we went, he said to bill him, like I said earlier. If the Boss had determined he didn't need stitches, my plan was to cover the wound with Balmex and a gauze pad and tape.
BUT... stitches it was. As the Doc is stitching, it occured to me that we hadn't even mentioned the most insane thing Jr. does, so I brought it up... his bullriding bullshit.
I can remember going through my whole routine about his Dad riding bulls til we got together and me telling him, "Look, I'm a Taurus, a bull. You wanna ride a bull, ride me. I, unlike other bulls, won't even turn around and try to gore ya if ya fall off, okay? Oh, and bring the rope, leave the spurs..." I say the stupidest shit to people when I'm all nerved up sometimes...
(I get that from my Dad...) Thank God the Doc was laughing.
Thank God even more that I eventually stfu. Oh crap... I just remembered that I forgot to call that lady with Jr's soash number.... Must remember to do that tomorrow... My bad. And now, now that my legs finally have feeling again from my last visit to the "library", I seem to need to go there again. I hear the Ann Rule book I'm (re)reading calling me... THEN, I hope to hell I come back down here, do the dishes, clean the catboxes and bake something.
Now that my headache is gone (three aspirin slammed down with a cuppa coffee), I feel better and like I might actually stay up all night like I usually do. It'd be the first time in damned near a month.... AND, I know exactly where Jesus Christ Superstar is, too... *grin*
Now, if the cats haven't chewed the friggin' speaker cord again... (fucker's gonna be three inches long by the time they quit...) Oh yeah... one other thing... I think that sometime here recently, unknown to my concious self, I decided that I'll watch Rob's DVD when my jeans size begins with a "3" and his shirts are looser. I don't know why, I don't even know for sure when I decided this, I just know it's like a fact in my head. Meanwhile, I'll just keep it right where it is, less than a foot away, standing up, angled so I can glance over and see him smiling and playing his guitar. And, ya know what else?
I don't know if my stupid period is coming again real soon or what, but it seems that, every day, it gets harder and harder not to fall apart when I think about Rob. Isn't this suppsed to get easier?
'Cause, it's really, really not. I keep hearing "Hard Habit to Break" by Chicago, in my head... I honestly don't know which it is that breaks my heart more often... that he's really and truely gone or how well defined his last few years were in his face and eyes. He and his brother Dave aren't that far apart in age, but when I looked at Dave, then looked again at Rob... at first, I just couldn't think about it.
Because Rob looked years older than Dave does. And, I know why. And, that kills me. And, so does his being gone. *several minutes later* Now, look, damn it... I haven't been waiting all this time for everybody to go to bed just so I could sit here and not be able to stop crying, ya know?
Yet, that's what I seem to be doing... Hah... a totally other thought just popped into my mind, thank you, Chablis... I think I already know what she's gonna do.
And, for the record, I read her early this morning and haven't been back yet, so if she's already said it, I don't know it.
Officially.
But, in my gut I do.
(I'll put it to draft, with the time and date and after she says what she's gonna do and especially if I'm right, I'll post it then... after she decides.) Okay, that got me to stop leaking, finally. Damn it.
Now I just need to quit looking over at him. And, I know how to do that, too... go out in the kitchen and DO something.
Something constructive. Or, go shit. Whichever. Oh, fuckin'-A, maybe I'm losing my mind because with my eyelashes not yet dry, I just made myself giggle with that "or go shit" thing... Rob, what the FUCK did you do, going away like this?
Why, man?
How, even.... Didn't you know what it would do to people?
Why couldn't you ever believe me when I told you, or tried to, how important you were? How much you just being there, being you, meant to so many, to me? You struggled so hard for so long, you beat so many things... I really believed you were indestructable. I was always scared of losing you, but I never really thought I would... we would.
At least not s'soon. You were only, what? 53?
I want to say you were still a young man, but, I can see you right now and I know you weren't... not anymore.
But, you were still Rob.
You were still a hero to some.
To me. And now there's just this big old empty void.
The silence is deafening. And, very heavy. Now, before I get to crying agin, I'm outta here. I don't think I'm handling this very well.
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