Progress?...Hmmm....

I don't know how much progress I've made, but...I'm still at it.
Stupid dogs decided to "help" by emptying a trashbag all over the kitchen floor, so that was really niiiice.
I even got to make up a few new cuss words, with that one.
Just got back from the store a little bit ago. Got myself more cleaning shit. And Coffeemate.
Gonna need both...I can tell. If conventional methods of using these things doesn't seem to be helping (REAL soon), my plan is to ingest the cleaners and then, in the throes of the spasms that's bound to cause, I can take the lid offa the Coffeemate and fling it all around while giggling madly and singing "It's snooooowing..." over and over.
(Yeah...I'm losin' it. So? I'd like to see any one person try to keep up with this dirt-possessed, cobweb creating house and it's insane inhabitants without killing a few brain cells. It's just that I only had about 8 or 9 to begin with...)

In other news....Ferris Bueller is cute, Ed Rooney is a retard and if this tape doesn't quit 'bouncing', I'mina throw something. I cleaned the heads and it's still doing it.
QUIT IT, YA ASS!!!!

I still cannot believe that, in addition to his BC, Rob has also to deal with the mental defectives that run Kerr-McGee. It keeps hitting me like a....bird turd. Splat! "Ewww...damn."
Altho...being pooped on by a bird is supposed to be good luck.....Hell, it's gotta be an improvement over being shit on by those assholes. That, by the way, is EXACTLY why I got out of law enforcement/EMS shit. Getting shit on is my second least favorite activity (puking is #1) and I figured, if I HAVE to be shit on to be alive-as seems to be the 'rule'-I'd rather it be done by cows, as cow shit rinses right off where 'people (a.k.a. morons) shit' leaves scars.
Ya know?

Let's see...what else is rolling around up there, except the tumbleweeds and bunny turds? Hmmmm....anything I can discuss in mixed company? ('Mixed', of course, meaning 'sane' and 'insane'...)

Okay. Here's something. Maybe if I blog this, it'll get outta my head and I'll never hafta remember it again. I only think of it every freakin' time I do dishes and it always annoys me...
My Dad's brother Jim is a goof. One time, when I was staying overnight there, I was helping Aunt Elizabeth do the dishes after dinner. She was, of course, washing them in water so hot it would melt the skin offa your hands, so I was rinsing them in cooler water. Stiil warm, just not boiling. Well, Mr.Knowitall has to get involved. He feels the water temp and proceeds to inform me that the rinse water must also be hot enough to melt the skin offa yer hands. "Why?", I asked. "My DAD says that cold water kills suds."
"Yeah", he says, "But, hot water kills grease." To which I didn't but shoulda replied "What kinda lame-assed dish detergent do you use, Dude?" I mean, Jesus (Yes, Unca Jim, JESUS!!!!!), if yer still trying to eradicate grease while you're RINSING the dishes, me thinks ya need to wash 'em again. Dork.
Tell me MY Dad's wrong....bite me.
I still do that, too. Til I'm DEAD, I'm gonna ALWAYS use cooler water to rinse my dishes.
So there...ppppbbbttttt.
(Gawd. That's been buggin' me since I was about 10.)
Sanctimonious nerd.
I REFUSE to believe that one of those two aren't adopted and I think it was Jim. My Dad is so...utterly cool. Unca Jim is so utterly....not. He's not like ANY of his siblings. Or Pop-pop. Not one bit. Never has been, never can be. Used to think it was 'beneath' him and now days, it's too late. Shame, too. The world NEEDS more guys like my Dad. Which is yet another reason I wish I was a guy 90% of the time....sigh.

(Lord GAWD am I trying to put off getting back to cleaning, here, or what? I think right now, I'd rather write about just ANYTHING than go back to that 'gonna-be-hard-won-war'...)

Okay...Why do dogs lick their balls?
Two reasons. Number one...because they can and number two (and more important to said dog), they know they're gonna come lick yer face in about 5 seconds.

Two drunks are sittin' on the curb. A dog sits down next to them and begins to lick his balls. One drunk looked at the other and said "Man, I wish I could do that." Second guy says "Maybe you can, but I'd pet him first."

Two hookers are talking on the corner. The younger one asked the older one "You ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The older one thinks a second and says "No, but I've been swung around by the tits a few times..."

I know..."GO CLEAN!!!!", right?

I'm gonna. In a minute.

What do ya call a boomerang that won't come back?
A stick.

Where do ya find a turtle with no legs?
Right where ya left him.

What do Yoko Oh-no and Ethiopeans have in common?
They all live off dead beetles.

Didya hear Evil Knievel, or however the frig ya spell it, is gonna make a comeback? Yeah, for his latest stunt, he's gonna run past Sally Struthers with a sandwich tied to his back.

And.....

Whadda ya get when ya cut 500 bras in half?
1000 beanies with chin straps.

Okay...put DOWN the rotten produce.
I'mina go clean something now.

Too bad it can't be my mind, huh?

Peace.

Posted by: Stevie at 01:47 AM

Comments

Posted by: Dave at March 25, 2004 10:59 AM (fLhqH)

Posted by: Eric at March 25, 2004 06:43 PM (Py0cM)

Posted by: Stevie at March 25, 2004 08:00 PM (BXUKM)

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