Wanna know what the difference is between a "bridge" and a "partial"?

About $1500.

Jesus.

So yeah, I'm finally starting to make some calls about this dental work I need done.

And, I wouldn't be yet if the only clip on my partial hadn'ta snapped off the other day.
But, with that clip gone and the veeeeery loose tooth next to it, this shit is getting ridiculous now.
I not only hafta use "old people stuff" (Polygrip-ugh) to keep the stupid partial in my mouth and be able to eat effectively, I've also taken to supergluing the veeeeeery loose tooth to the firmly anchored tooth next to it.

Yes.
I am carrying on the time-honored, Andy-Harris-approved method of DIY dentistry.
(I learned about the whole "partial/superglue" thing from him and I figured if he was okay gluing his partial, I'd be okay gluing a tooth.)

Fuckin' superglue.
In my MOUTH.

No, not ON it, ya wiseasses.

Actually, I'm getting to be quite the artiste with this shit.
I'm all about controlling it.
How much, where it goes, ridding myself of the excess, yadda yadda.

And, I'm even getting used to the disgusting taste/texture of that other shit.

If ya wanna know what it's like, imagine removing several teeth from your mouth, all in a connected row.
Take a cat turd, a minty cat turd, and put it on the underside of said teeth, then squish it onto your gum.

Nice, huh?

And, do that, mind you, whilst worrying the entire time that you've superglued Mr. Loose Tooth correctly so it all not only fits, but holds for more than an hour, cause ya don't wanna hafta be doin' this shit every ten fuckin' minutes, believe me.

Meanwhile, we've got my dental phobia over in the corner laughing it's ass off over these exploits.
Fuckin' Dr. Elmer.
I hope he's in HELL.

Anyway, I'm getting good at this, like I said. Most days, I only need to go through this shit two or three times.
I do it right before I go to bed so I can sleep without worrying about swallowing anything, should this shit shake loose in the middle of the night.
I also hafta do it either before or after eating, most times.

How that loose tooth is even staying in there is beyond me (besides the superglue, that is).
I fully it expect it to jump ship any day now.

Hence, the calling of dentists.

The first one I called, the one who has an ad showing chickens sitting in a waiting room (cute), I had the wrong terminology happening.

I was calling my "device" a "bridge".

My bad.

When that nice lady told me it'd be about $800 a tooth for a four tooth bridge, I nearly shit.

So, I called the next one.

This lady got me on the right page as to what the damned thing is called (which brought the price down to a still scary but emminantly more do-able $900), was appropriately horrified about the superglue, very sympathetic to my outright terror about this whole deal and, after I mentioned about 3700 circumstances under which gassing me would be appropriate (including, but not limited to speaking to the dentist), she mentioned another "method" they employ to "calm scared patients".

Vicoden.

Cool.
I c'n do dat.

THEN, she said I could bring somebody into the room with me if I want.

IF I WANT???

Fuck YEAH, I want...
(So, Dad. Busy?)

God he'p me, ya know?

On toppa which I have two chir'runs in my house.
One 17, one about 8 or so, I don't know.
Fun.
Not.
(Under any circumstances, let alone for this insane reason.)

I mean, they're pretty good kids (one of whom seriously needs some "making WISE choices" lessons) and they do know not to insert themselves in my ass, but still... having two more people in the house of any age has it's drawbacks.
Not the least of which is the added expense, especially when I've got this dental shit about to go down.
(I'm not gonna do jackshit til the tooth falls the fuck out. That'll cut down on alotta the expense, I think. Spare me the diagnostics and restoration horseshit and just make it that much easier to get on with the fix. Know what I mean?)

Anyway...

I already know what's gonna happen next, probably in the next 7 seconds.

My period, watch.
*siiiigh*

Well, anyway....
I hafta race like a piss horse and I need a cuppa coffee and to get a grocery list together.
And, yeah, superglue'll be on it.
I'm thinking that one of those little plastic tips it comes with will make my DIY dentistry a little easier.

Pray for me again, please....
I'mina need all the help I can get, financially as well as "otherwise".

Peace

Posted by: Stevie at 04:41 PM

Comments

Posted by: Maeve at June 14, 2006 11:14 PM (b/7xM)

2 So substitute super glue for the polygrip. That should keep in place for a couple more minutes.

Posted by: Dave S. at June 15, 2006 03:16 PM (I15ul)

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