This began life as a comment and then...
my heart took over my hands, grabbed the bit in it's teeth and ran with it.
If there was gonna be a title to this, I think I'd want to call it:(And, I'd call it that because it's about him, primarily, but it's also to him because I want to know that I know these things, just for whatever comfort he gets from knowing that somebody knows.) The first two sentences are purely "comment".
After the third sentence is when I kinda quit thinking and just started feeling it.
And, away we go.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nah... not her that time.
That was because of Jennifer screwing him out of visitation. Ya know what occured to me... If someone really likes, cares about, admires, respects or wants to know someone better, what better way than to read their archives, right?
(In this world, anyway...) Now, granted, Rob's archives were MIA for a while, but I have them ALL in my blogroll and have for months AND said so in Rob's comments way back when I found 'em. I've also read them.
(Actually, I read them looong before they disappeared, a coupla times, even...
Then, once I caught up, I kept up after that.) And, it strikes me that, as you read them, if you pay attention and care enough to want to really comprehend what you're reading, Rob pretty much TELLS you how do well being around him. He has damned near written a handbook.
All but written the "rules".
And, he doesn't have many of them, but the ones he does care enough about to articulate are ones he not only lives by, but holds to, to the core of his being, or (more to the point for some) to the very depths of his heart.
And, if you want to entertain a hope in hell of ever getting there yourself, it would behoove yer ass to follow those few, yet revered, rules.
(Much like the one in the previous post that he "alerted us" to 2 years ago...) He doesn't just "want" them to be followed, he needs them to be followed, IF you really want to be around him, for him to feel comfortable enough to trust you and want to be around you.
And, that, not yourself, should be your first priority. And, I for one, don't think that's too much to ask in the first place, let alone after the many ways- banal or arcane, heartbreaking or mundane- Rob has been screwed over by people who profess to "love" him and in fact, probably didn't even really know him. I think the one thing that fouls people up the most, including the average "archive peruser", is that they have their own agenda or preconcieved idea of who Rob is or are looking for certain things in what he says that coincide with what they need from him.
Whatever that may be. They convince themselves, by not fully concentrating on what Rob is actually saying in what he writes or has written, that he is exactly as they imagine and that either he can "fix" their lives or they can "fix" his. Some people, when faced with such bald, relentless truth, can't comprehend it and think there's something more, something else not being said, to it.
That's where their "fantasy" comes into play.
Then, when that turns out not to be the truth, they get mean or flake off. You have to see ROB in what he writes.
Not just whatever it is you WANT to see. If you can't care enough about him to do this, what should be so very basic, natural and automatic thing for him, then how is he ever supposed to believe you can do anything else, anything more intimate? If you can't see him and accept him and love him in his public mode, there's no way he can trust you with his private heart, now is there? None that I know of. And, I've seen very few people over the years who can even manage to handle his public mode, let alone any with the cognizance and compassion, the fortitude or foresight to be able to be trusted with his heart. But, I also have to say that the few who do find Rob appealing and who do, at least, care enough about him to be able to handle his public mode are the ones who stick.
They are the few who can truly be trusted not to hurt him.
And that would be purely because they're the few who don't have an agenda or preconceived notion of who he is, those who do love the man for being EXACTLY who he is, warts and all and who want their relationship to/with him, whatever it may be, to continue.
(And, is that not the very definition of a friend? Hmmmm...) It's like they say... You really do only need one hand to be able to count up true and lasting friends. As sad as that may be in and of itself, there is something even sadder... The ones who don't or can't make it that far who then feel compelled to turn vicious and want to hurt him.
But, thank God, there's not a whole lotta those types around either. Most of them are either medicated or locked up somewhere, I suppose.
Or should be. The rest, I guess, just recognize that it won't work, that they can't come to terms with "Rob's Rules" and just fade away.
The thing that seperates them from the real losers is that those people do no harm.
They just leave. And, to me, they're much more respectable and trustworthy than those who lash out.
At least those people can accept the truth when they see it.
They may not be able to handle it, but at least they don't feel a need to destroy it before they go. Anyway... if you want to know Rob better than most, it's easy.
Just see him in what he writes, not what you want to see. How hard is that? (Answering my own question...)
Apparently, "very"...
*wry grin* P.S.
In case your wondering how I chose this post of his to track this back to, it's because, in it, he's says he's "one in a wall" and the truth is... he's one in a million.
(Which, coincidentally, is another one of those things that lotsa people have a hard time handling about him...)
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