Couple things...

Male carpenter bees, the ones who do all the hovering around, don't have stingers.
For this I am profoundly grateful for several reasons, not the least of which is that I believe that 90% of the carpenter bees in this whole state live on this farm. Plus, I find them amusing to watch...

There must be at least a ton or two of bees around here. They're in the garage, around the house, in the mudroom, out the back door, across the street, in the barn... they're everywhere.

I walk through a veritable cloud of them getting into my car.

They land on me, bounce offa my head, slam into the wall, bounce off of each other... it's funny and I hate most bees with a passion.

Wasps, yellow jackets, hornets alla those anti-social sonsabitches... I hate them all. My two favorite things about those kind of bees both involve aerosol cans. One is the normal "wasp spray" shit, that sprays a JET of the stuff about 20 feet, so you can drown those prick bastards without having to be right on top of 'em.

The second way is just as effective, but slightly more fun. And dangerous... but not because of the bees as much as possibly blowing up.
For this you need something flammable like starter fluid or something. You also need a regular Bic-type lighter. (I don't know how well a Zippo would work. Never seen anybody use one for this.)
Anyway, you take your can of aerosol napalm and your lighter and you spray the shit over the lit lighter and torch the cocksuckers.

You can only do this with bees who've built the nest on something non-flammable, by the way. Like, an aluminum gate or metal or something like that. I highly DO NOT reccomend this method for removing them from the eaves of a house, for instance...

If you, against my advice, do decide to try this on a bees nest connected to your house, you are required to hand your can of beer to your buddy and say, verbatim, "Hold mah beer'n watch this shit...", the universally known "famous last words of a fool (read: redneck)" (apologizes that country singer guy who had a song named the same thing a few years back... who was that? Ricky Van Shelton?).
(Great. Now I've got "From a Jack to a King" stuck in my head...)

Anyway, might one (also) be a redneck if one has two roosters, a duck and a rabbit (among other assorted critters... cats, hamsters, an aquarium filled with apparently dead woolybear caterpillars, et. al.) in their front room?
Just wondering...
(And, I keep waiting to be flooded with pretty moths someday from the caterpillars, but so far? Nada, zilch, nuttin', no change at all. So, I basically have a caterpillar cemetary in the front room, on top of the rabbit cage. God, why am I going into alla this today? I need HE'P, y'all!)

Next!!

Having a check/bank card is proving to be very much highly useful. So far, I've mostly used it to just to get money out of ATM's. But, I have also used it twice to do shit online. And, relax... it was for the USPS and Geico insurance. Those two have got to safe, as far as "identity theft" or phishing, right?
The only other shit I might use it for on here would be as much of Eric's getting his birth certificate from California and then his license as I can and paying bills through my bank's site and maybe Classmates dot com IF I ever see Glenn Davis's name in the class list. I don't do E-bay or Paypal or any of that kinda crap. Don't know how and don't wanna, thanks...

Remember I said that the TV in the kitchen was changing from the Harrisburg 15 to the Philly 15 all by itself?
Well, as of last night, it is FIXED.
Last night, I tuned to the Harrisburg 15 about 7 minutes early. Got stuck seeing a coupla ugly, stupid guys beating the snot out of each other. So retarded... wrestling (especially now that Bret's done) *shudder** god...
(And, yes, I hate wrestling while I love Bret Hart. Goes hand-in-hand with my hatred of hunting, yet loving venison... go figure.)
Anyway, not ONCE did that damned thing change to the "wrong" 15 by itself.
Not one damned time the entire seven minutes.

HOWEVER, the MINUTE King of Queens came on "bink" there it fuckin' GOES.

DAMN!

Now, what the fuck is up with that shit? It only does it during King of Queens?
I suppose I am again supposed to believe that the universe is not involved in a conspiracy designed to drive me nuts?

Yeah, okay...
*rolls eyes*

Well, like I said... it's fixed. And, it only took the whole hour King of Queens was on, plus it also bled into this mornig and ended up involving a 12 foot, hunter orange extension cord, which is just so attractive, snaking it's way from the far side of the sink (past the faucet so I can electrocute myself doing dishes, no doubt), across the back of the stove to the TV just because I can't find the stupid also bright orange adapter thingy I had back in Bucks.
I had that goddamned thing for years, sittin' in the drawer, stuck in a German beer stein, in a butter dish in a drawer, in Pop-pop's hutch... I had that stupid thing, I can picture it perfectly.
But, now that I actually need it?

Gone.

They probably don't even make the fuckin' things anymore JUST BECAUSE I NEED ONE... or two.

Well, at any rate, the huge extension cord is an improvment over having the satellite box sitting on top of the stove, which is where I had it last night because I didn't remember about the huge extension cord (kept, by the way, in the non-functioning dishwasher) til this morning. And, the extension cord going past the faucet is MUCH better than the surge protector/multi-socket extension box thing sitting right behind it...

So, huge extension cord notwithstanding (which is hidden by the saddles- don't ask), it's cool now. I can once again watch King of Queens in the kitchen uninterrupted.

Now, if I could only figure out why this is such a huge deal to me...

I do so need to get back to work.

And, speaking of work reminds me of horses and how's THIS for a kick in the teeth?
Here I sit, wishing for a horse to drop outta the sky into my pasture and here's this poor thing, wandering around near to where I used to live, looking for a home.
Not that I necessarily need another 20 year old mare to feed and not ride, but still.
Know what I mean?
Jeez, man.
Gim'me a fuckin' break here, wouldja?

So yeah, I'm pretty much losin' my fuckin' mind here.
Can a tell?
*lmao*

I can't wait to read this post, man... I know I started with carpenter bees and have somehow gotten all the way to "Good idea, bad execution, God" about the horse.

I think that's most of the shit that's been in my head the last few days.

'Course, there's the story about me almost pissing myself laughing at the look Tyler gave me in the car yesterday, after I did that half hour long diet rootbeer belch, but....
nevermind... *slithers outta chair laughing again*
I gotta go pee now.

Then, I guess I'll clean something.
Even just the mess I made last night looking for that stupid adapter thing would be nice.
Let alone the rest of it...

Peace, y'all...

Posted by: Stevie at 11:14 AM

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Posted by: Light & Dark at May 06, 2006 02:19 PM (M9GWX)

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