I wish y'all could see this...

Use your imagination...

First, there's me.
And... I know how I'm gonna die now.

I'm gonna kill myself on our latest "toy".
Which is the worlds silliest looking, old, beat half to shit 4-wheeler.

Eric saw it sitting in the equipment shed and asked his Boss what was up with it and he said it was the "old" one that had become such a pain in the ass to keep running, they parked it and weren't using it anymore.
Eric asked if he wants to sell it.
Boss said he'd let 'im know.
Knowing his Boss, added to the fact that they do have a nice one to use for farm shit, he's gonna let us have it, either very inexpensively, or just by never giving us a price or taking it back.
His Boss is cool like that...

Anyway, this poor thing... what's left of the fenders/body is red. However, there is more birdshit than paint on it. No front fenders to speak of, either. No seat. And, it wasn't running at first.

After he got done working yesterday, Eric started fiddlin' with it and got it running.
Cool.

He buzzes around on it for a bit, then gets me to get on it.

So, now we have me and this silly looking 4-wheeler that has a saddle blanket for a seat.

Bzzzzz *shift* bzzzzz *shift* bzzzzz
(That's me, farting around on it last night...)

No clutch and ya don't wanna let off all the way on the gas or it'll stall.
Whatever.
It's FUN!

Today, after Eric used it to get the cows in (and I had gotten my running around/errand-type shit done), I got back on it... only, I wasn't alone this time.

Wanna guess who was riding it with me and loving every second?

Tyler, my goofball Jack Russell.

So, now we have the silliest looking 4-wheeler in existence with a saddle blanket seat, being ridden by me with a fat Jack Russell sitting in front of me, ass between my legs, front paws on the gas tank and ears flappin' in the wind.

I haven't had s'much fun in I don't know how long.

We rode all around the farm, fields, up and down the road and a few places I'm not sure we were supposed to be. That dopey dog LOVES IT!

Nothing makes him act like he wants off. Not bumps, riding tilted, speed, my shitty shifting (no clutch), nothing.
In fact, when you ask if he wants to go for a ride, he now heads for the 4-wheeler instead of the car.

I've had some wonderful dogs in my life, but Tyler is the absolute coolest, bar none.

I ran into Mrs Boss at the grocery store and told her about Ty's new hobby and, after she about peed herself laughing, she said she has GOT to see this and take pictures. If she does, I'll get her to email them to me and post 'em.

After Eric finally pried me and Ty off of it, he got the idle fixed and found it's reverse.

My contribution to "fixing" it is gonna be scraping off the birdshit (eventually) and adding two pieces of duct tape.
The duct tape is gonna have the letters A-R-L-E-Y on 'em and are gonna be applied right behind the "H" of the word Honda that's on it now.
But, I can't do that til we get the fenders, seat and shit like that done to it someday.
It's one thing to be messing around on a beat to shit Honda, but a beat to shit lookin' "Harley"?
Can't be havin' that...

Man, I can't wait til daybreak so we (Ty and I) can go back out and play some more.

I finally get to be one of those annoying-assed juvenile dorkuses who used to drive me nuts with the noise, farting around aimlessly on a 4-wheeler.
How cool.

And, guess what else?

I finally activated the check/debit card I got with my checking account, so now, I ALSO get to be one of those annoying-assed braindead dipshits who use a credit card in the express lane to buy a pack of fuckin' gum!
*does the "happy, happy, joy, joy" dance*

Now, if I could just get the DirecTv receiver in the kitchen to quit changing to a non-existant channel on it's own, I'd be just about set.

I don't know what the hell ails this thing all of a sudden but...

When we moved here, we brought the old receiver with us. When it was first hooked up, it still got the Philly stations, which was great, because they're the ones I've known all my life and, frankly, they made the transition easier for me.

I spent the first three weeks wondering if we were somehow still in the Philly viewing area or something.

I finally called DirecTv and they straightened it out.
All was well.
Til a few days ago.

First, when ya pressed "guide" and went to the first available channel, it had two and half pages of Channel 14, which isn't even a channel here. Nor was it one back in Bucks...

Finally, about 3 or 4 days ago, the 14s went away.
BUT, I now have TWO Channel 15s. HR15 and WB15, which, again, isn't a local channel here, the WB15 isn't.

I didn't much care. The only (tiny) problem was, if you changed from some other channel to channel 15 by pressing 1-5, it'd go to the wrong 15. *rolls eyes*
So, you'd have to put it on the right one.
Big deal, right?

Tonight, however, in the middle of King of Queens, it suddenly starts changing from the right 15 to the wrong one BY ITSELF.

You put it back, and *bink*, back to the wrong one, which is a black screen with "This channel is not available in your veiwing area. Please check the guide for alternate channels.".... well, no shit, Sherlock, that's why I didn't select WB15, ya fucknoodle!
It doesn't do that with any other channel, just the right 15, but still...

After about the 47th time it did that, I got pissed and called DirecTv and even they couldn't fix it. They had me unplug it, pull the card, unplug it again and all kindsa other shit, to no avail.

I told the guy on the phone that I do live right near the battlefields and that maybe it was a Confederate soldier messin' with me.
Thank God he laughed.
(But, it also woulda been kinda nice had he said "Naw, that can't be it", which he didn't and it damned well BETTER be a Confederate soldier. Don't want no Yankee ghosts, thanks....)

Oh, and my other piece of good news....

I think I've finally found a "good horticulturist" here.
"Here" as in "local", as in "see him every day anyway".
As in "thank You, Lord, it's about damned time".

The other two "plant people" I've gone to since I've been here ain't exactly reliable. One is in Jersey, fer shit's sake and that involved the post office, which made me nervous and the other one is about an hour away, in another county and he's just been told recently that some skankola he was screwing a coupla months ago is pregnant, so he is now all but useless, seeing how his brain melted upon hearing that.

For the record, I think he's being lied to and jerked around, but... we'll see.

Meantime, I've found yet another plant guy, so let's hope this works. (If not, I'm out some cash, but... can't find out if'n ya don't take a shot, right?)

He seems pretty nice and we let him use our microwave or outright feed him every day, so... it should work out.

The only not-so-great news is that I won't be back to work at the horse farm now, til about the 15th or so. The big deal Mrs Boss was hoping to get didn't go through, soooo.... oh yeah and now, Mr Boss isn't going to that huge horse sale in Virginia, but, ya know what?
It's okay, that's fine.
I'll live.

There's still good ol' Action out in the field, the mare is looking really good too (if you don't look below her belly-line) and now I've got the 4-wheeler to play with, so... it's all good.

Now, I need to shut da hell up and go get some shit done.
It's almost midnight and I have a few messes that need tending to, PLUS I wanna go to bed so I can get up and go cruisin' with Ty some more.

Now that the idle works, I can get off the thing and snag up some lilacs (I found some huge-mongus bushes out there today), investigate the creek a little deeper and maybe swish my net through the ponds that dot this place and see what kinda critters I come up with. There's even a convienent little well/space behind the seat to stash shit like soda, smokes, tools, frogs, turtles or whatever, so it oughta be a blast.
Carrying a six foot net could be a little logistically challenging, but, hell, I'll sit on it, if I have to. (Longwise, not upright, ya pervs... *lmao*)
(Can you just picture that? Me on this silly looking 4-wheeler, with the dog in front of me and a net sticking out from under the saddle blanket seat, blue mesh waving in the wind? Told ya's I'm 14 with 29 years of practice...)

And, I did find a frog in a mudpuddle today. I stuck him in my shirt pocket to take him to the stream, but the second I started the 4-wheeler, he leaped out and took three or four huge gangling jumps into the weeds, so I guess he wasn't too interested in moving... have ya ever looked into your shirt pocket and seen a frog lookin' back atcha with a "what the FUCK is THAT noise" look on his face?
It's priceless, to say the least...

Okay...
Off to clean something.

Peace, ya'll....

Posted by: Stevie at 11:03 PM

Comments

Posted by: Libby at May 03, 2006 03:14 PM (V10Ot)

Posted by: assrot at May 03, 2006 05:34 PM (ARCEn)

Posted by: Maeve at May 04, 2006 12:51 AM (b/7xM)

Posted by: Stevie at May 04, 2006 03:47 AM (E0nkk)

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