We're back and she is gone...
George and I ran her fat, stupid, useless, irresponsible, denying ass back to Jersey and now we're back.
It's midnight.
We'd stopped at the last rest area on the Pa turnpike to pee and switch drivers, as I do NOT do the Shure-kill Expressway. (I drove almost all the way there... 75-80 MPH, too, lem'me tell ya. I figured fuck it, if I get stopped, after I tell the cop why I'm speeding, he'd not only let me go, he may even give me an escort to get rid of her faster....)
Anyway, George and I got outta the car, did what we had to do and when we got back in, he lit a cigarette, then I did, then she did. Then she said, "I didn't wanna be smoking in here without somebody else here..." Do what??? I almost bit my tongue off to keep from asking her, "Why? You afraid yer gonna burn up my CAR now, ya fuckhead?" If that wasn't a tacit admission of guilt, then I never heard one. Dumb bitch. Now that I'm no longer freakin' out, nor stressed outta my mind, here's what happened... I got off work at around 1pm.
I took my time there and was takin' it easy on my shoulder, plus, with her here, I was in no hurry to get home.
After I left there, I ran to the store for a coupla things.
Then, I got back here and was starving, so I made myself a huge hamburger and ate it with no bun, just scallions and ketchup. I was sittin' in the kitchen, watching some stupid dating show on MTV... Date My Mom, or some such silliness, when she hollers down, "Your bathroom is on fire..." "Da fuck you mean "my bathroom's on fire"?" "It's on fire." I took the stairs two at a time and ran into the thickest smoke since the smoke house at the training center and saw three seperate fires happening. One was the trashcan.
One was my toilet seat and the third was this wicker shelf thingy above the toilet tank. I punched the wicker thing off the wall, threw a throw rug (no pun intended) over the trashcan and stomped on it and ran into the next (bed)room to get something to use with water to put out the toilet.
It happened to be a figgin' butter dish I was using to water the cat in that room. I can distinctly remember telling her (the cat, this is), "I need to borrow this. I'll be back later with it...", as if she gave a fuck, right? *rolls eyes* I take this "I can't believe it's not butter" dish into the bathroom, turn on both sink faucets full blast and started heaving water around like... like an irrigation hose. Meanwhile, every intake of breath, I hafta run out of the bathroom, leap down/over three steps to the landing, drop to my knees and suck air in thru the window.
I finally realized I needed to put my shirt over my nose and that made it so I could take two or three breaths at a time in there. I finally got all the flames out and was storming out the front door to go tell Eric what had just happened. I grabbed the doorknob, jerked the door open and almost flung the fat bitch halfway to the stairs because she was just coming back in from having peed George's dog. How fucked up is that?
Set my bathroom aflame, then go la dee dah, taking a dog out to pee....
Jeezus. That was when I asked her what the hell she'd done and she admitted to having been in there, but denied setting the fire. I pretty much covered the chaos of the next several minutes earlier, when I did the first post. George got home and we got the money from Eric's boss and we took her ass home.
She is NEVER coming back here.
Thank Gawd. I'll be cleaning up what I can of it tomorrow (later today, I guess really) when I get home from work.
And, between me, George and Eric's boss, we have pretty much figured out how to repair the damage.
As for replacing my belongings that got burnt all to hell... I'll take it as it goes with that, I guess.
Some of the shit, I can never "replace", because I got it out of my Pop-pop's house when I cleaned it out years ago.
For that, I'll hate her forever. But, I'll also be grateful beyond words that it wasn't any worse and that it happened when I was here to stop it. I've never had a fire before like this and I never want another. Eric was scared spitless that his boss was gonna be pissed at us for this and want us to leave.
He's not and he doesn't. In fact, he said outright that he doesn't blame us for this and that he's glad I was here and was able to contain it and end it as quickly as I did.
Eric told me that by radio as I was speeding toward Jersey. So... sooner and much more dramatically than I could have ever guessed, I have my home, my life and my privacy back.
We also have George back for a while... *grin*
I like that. I think it's kinda neat/weird/cool how he and Eric and I keep ending up together.
He lived with us for over two years back in Bucks County and here we go again... * bigger grin* There's just something kinda neat about it 'cause we all get along so well.
It's like having a family again.
An odd family, yes, but one where everybody truly likes (if not loves) each other, looks out for each other and helps each other out.
How could ya not like that? So, now I get to have a great husband-type of guy (Eric) and a really cool big brother/Dad-type of guy (George). And, I get to hang with, look after and take care of two really great guys.
I do enjoy doing that.
Even when it gets aggravating, I like it, deep down.
Lets me feel useful and appreciated.
And, my attitude with her notwithstanding, I really do like taking care of people, feeding people, sharing my interests with and teaching people about stuff like the horses and shit. Plus, it's a little easier financially with there being three people pulling the load.
If "two can live as cheaply as one", then three can live as cheaply as two, but with more ready cash. I'd say "know what I mean?", but hardly anyone ever really does... *smile* *big deep breath* Gawd, does it feel ever s'much better knowing she's gone.
Even with my melted, blackened and smoke-stinky bathroom, it feels way much better now around here.
And, it will be better now. We'll take care of the damage and we'll take care of each other again for a while and have fun while we do. And, I thank God for that... among other things tonight.
(When I think of what could have happened... my God...) Okay then... before I start bawling, I'm going to sleep.
I've had one hell of a day. Peace, y'all...
Comments
1
Oh man, I have to apologize. I'm reading about something horrific like a house fire and you threw in the line about the butter dish and all I could do was howl. Kind of like a Grey Poupon moment between drivers. At the Indy 500.
Posted by: outfoxed at March 08, 2006 05:04 AM (iS0pJ)
2
Oh, please no... don't apologize. It's cool, believe me.
I figured out years ago, what with the bizarre kinda life I was given to lead then and seemingly have yet to be able to shake off (much like a dog humping my leg) to this day, that having a sense of humor about it is simply and utterly invaluable.
If it weren't for my highly bent-headed sense of humor, I'd have killed myself or several (hundred) other people years ago... (and about 17 times a month every month for the last 42 years).
Being able to laugh at the absurdities that comprise my life has done me more good and healing than any number of therapists could have.
It's also less expensive...
*grin*
Besides, my Dad just said very nearly the same thing about laughing while I'm writing in a near rage last week.
And, like I told him, I think that's half the point. If I can make myself laugh reading the "preview" while checking for typos-n-shit, then I feel better and know I'll eventually be okay.
Hell, I had the man who owns this house giggling about the whole stupid thing less than two hours after it happened.
That was because of the sweat shirt he was wearing.
I was standing behind him, waiting for him to get done talking to one of the guys who work here so I could get the cash from him to take "her" the hell home and I happened to realize that his shirt advertised a truck "recovery and refurbishing" outfit... a FIRE TRUCK recovery and refurb place, that is...
I pointed it out to him and Eric with the line, "Have a little irony, it's good for your blood", which I "borrowed" from Stephen King.
The Boss laughed and snorted at it and Eric just looked horrified and was all, "That's not funny... that's not funny..." because he was still scared by it all and of what the Boss was gonna do, but both me and the Boss said to him, "Oh yeah it is..." and cracked up again...
Gotta laugh, man. Sometimes it's either find something to laugh at or cry or worse yet maybe hurt somebody... like yesterday.
One other thing I found slightly ironic/amusing was after having morphed into a fire fighter for a while, I was then transformed into a psuedo-cop for the drive to Jersey.
I own an "ex-cop car" Crown Vic with the Interceptor engine, the spotlight by the windshield and half the stupid county seal still on the door.
People on the road see me in their rearviews or as they're gonna pass me and get all "polite" all of a sudden and start driving the speed limit and shit as it is.
Try drving that car with an arsonist bitch in the backseat...
People on the turnpike between here and Jersey didn't just think I was a cop, they KNEW it last night, dipshits that they are...
Made me laugh again though, several times, so it's all good. (Unless I'm in a hurry, of course... *grin*)
Anyway, I've gotta go to work... I just wrote away about half an hour of my morning while I was s'posed to be eating breakfast and feeding the dog and shit... *giggle*
Oh and yeah... I blogrolled you.
I like how you write and I too knew a really cool guy named Bill Sawyer.
Mine was a cop I used to dispatch and he's dead, too, oddly enough.
Anyway, feel free to giggle yer butt off whenever ya want.
It's the best natural healer I know of.
I figured out years ago, what with the bizarre kinda life I was given to lead then and seemingly have yet to be able to shake off (much like a dog humping my leg) to this day, that having a sense of humor about it is simply and utterly invaluable.
If it weren't for my highly bent-headed sense of humor, I'd have killed myself or several (hundred) other people years ago... (and about 17 times a month every month for the last 42 years).
Being able to laugh at the absurdities that comprise my life has done me more good and healing than any number of therapists could have.
It's also less expensive...
*grin*
Besides, my Dad just said very nearly the same thing about laughing while I'm writing in a near rage last week.
And, like I told him, I think that's half the point. If I can make myself laugh reading the "preview" while checking for typos-n-shit, then I feel better and know I'll eventually be okay.
Hell, I had the man who owns this house giggling about the whole stupid thing less than two hours after it happened.
That was because of the sweat shirt he was wearing.
I was standing behind him, waiting for him to get done talking to one of the guys who work here so I could get the cash from him to take "her" the hell home and I happened to realize that his shirt advertised a truck "recovery and refurbishing" outfit... a FIRE TRUCK recovery and refurb place, that is...
I pointed it out to him and Eric with the line, "Have a little irony, it's good for your blood", which I "borrowed" from Stephen King.
The Boss laughed and snorted at it and Eric just looked horrified and was all, "That's not funny... that's not funny..." because he was still scared by it all and of what the Boss was gonna do, but both me and the Boss said to him, "Oh yeah it is..." and cracked up again...
Gotta laugh, man. Sometimes it's either find something to laugh at or cry or worse yet maybe hurt somebody... like yesterday.
One other thing I found slightly ironic/amusing was after having morphed into a fire fighter for a while, I was then transformed into a psuedo-cop for the drive to Jersey.
I own an "ex-cop car" Crown Vic with the Interceptor engine, the spotlight by the windshield and half the stupid county seal still on the door.
People on the road see me in their rearviews or as they're gonna pass me and get all "polite" all of a sudden and start driving the speed limit and shit as it is.
Try drving that car with an arsonist bitch in the backseat...
People on the turnpike between here and Jersey didn't just think I was a cop, they KNEW it last night, dipshits that they are...
Made me laugh again though, several times, so it's all good. (Unless I'm in a hurry, of course... *grin*)
Anyway, I've gotta go to work... I just wrote away about half an hour of my morning while I was s'posed to be eating breakfast and feeding the dog and shit... *giggle*
Oh and yeah... I blogrolled you.
I like how you write and I too knew a really cool guy named Bill Sawyer.
Mine was a cop I used to dispatch and he's dead, too, oddly enough.
Anyway, feel free to giggle yer butt off whenever ya want.
It's the best natural healer I know of.
Posted by: Stevie at March 08, 2006 07:03 AM (BNK1u)
3
The bathroom took one for the gipper, eh? Well.
It could have been way worse. I'm glad you all are all right, and she's gone. You were starting to stress me out with your posts about her.
Strange days, indeed.
It could have been way worse. I'm glad you all are all right, and she's gone. You were starting to stress me out with your posts about her.
Strange days, indeed.
Posted by: Amy at March 08, 2006 12:42 PM (0ElmH)
4
(((Stevie)))
OMG! What a whack job that twit was! Took the dog out to go PEE after she sets your bathroom on fire?
She sounds like the type to kill some one in their sleep too......
OMG! What a whack job that twit was! Took the dog out to go PEE after she sets your bathroom on fire?
She sounds like the type to kill some one in their sleep too......
Posted by: Maeve at March 09, 2006 01:11 AM (b/7xM)
5
Thanks for the compliment Stevie, and the 'roll add.
Posted by: outfoxed at March 09, 2006 07:40 AM (iS0pJ)
6
OH.MY.GOD! Thank God that nightmare is over. I cannot even imagine...
Posted by: Dana at March 09, 2006 05:16 PM (euBkS)
7
Okay, I know that I've been 'out-of-action' for a few weeks, but who was this woman and why didn't you burn her at the stake in the front yard on the first day?
Like from the movie 'House Guest': If there's ever a nuclear war, the only things to survive will be cockroaches and HOUSEGUESTS!!!
Like from the movie 'House Guest': If there's ever a nuclear war, the only things to survive will be cockroaches and HOUSEGUESTS!!!
Posted by: Mad Mikey at March 09, 2006 08:19 PM (/VddR)
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