Okay, I don't know who exactly is doing what, but God bless ya and please don't stop... yet...
First off, she's being taken outta here Saturday night.
She doesn't know that yet... but she is.
*Hee-UGE grin*
Of course, I "helped" her decide to do that by shutting off both TV's down here and hiding alla the remotes so she couldn't use 'em and I knew she's too stupid to figure out how to turn 'em on "by hand". So, it worked.
She just had to stay upstairs to be able to lay around watching TV all day. Still managed to make me cop a 'tude with her though, through sheer stupidity. I'd been up in the bathroom and was headed down the stairs as they were going up. I stopped and stepped back, into the corner of the landing, and was waiting for them to pass by.
Estupid bee-yotch stops in front of me and says, "G'head..." I looked at her like she's the retard she is and said "I'm goin' DOOOWWWNNN...", with a look on my face that spoke volumes, if only she had the brains to read it. Idiot. George was behind her and I looked at him over her shoulder with a much more subtle look on my face, which he totally got and he shrugged his eyebrows at me, rolled his eyes and gave me a smirk, like he knows how fuckin' DUMB she is. Which he does and which is part of why he's taking her back Saturday night.
Thank Jeezus. Another reason she's going back is that the job George got, re-doing a cabin, is gonna take about three months.
So, he's gonna be here either three months or until his buddy in Jersey finds work.
She sure as fuck ain't, though...
Meanwhile, JUST because he looked at apartment ads in the paper to see what they go for out here, SHE calls her Mom and tells her "they" (meaning her and George) may be MOVING OUT HERE!!! Presumptuous much? She not only told her Mom that, she then told George that she'd told her Mom that.
That was about all he needed to hear... Honestly, it's almost funny... I haven't been bitchin' too much at George about her because I know he feels bad enough about the whole deal, but... the few times I have said something to him, he's had a bitch of his own about her.
Makes us both feel better that we each aren't the only ones who want her gone. Eric just stays outside til one or both of us is here.
Lucky lil turd.
Gets paid to avoid her. I oughta be getting paid for having NOT punted her offa the roof... yet. And, as for the suggestions that I put to work around here?
Egads.
We had that idea, George and I did.
Not worth it... not at ALL.
She does dishes and someone (I) has to do them again.
She leaves oatmeal stuck to the bowls, Coffeemate boogers in the bottom of the coffee cups and she puts "clean" silverware on cat-laid-on-and-hairy towels to dry.
I'd rather eat on used paper plates out of a dumpster parked outside of a soup kitchen, thanks. Then, we thought she could vacuum.
Nope.
She did that ONE TIME and I had to dismantle the entire underside of my vacuum to get it unplugged from her stupid ass sucking up a huge, bright red fake oak leaf offa the living room floor.
How the HELL do you a.) not SEE that? and b.) be dumb enough to think the vacuum can swallow something that big? I swear to God... Man, I even have to hide my shampoo, cream rinse, liquid soap, hair spray, food... it's un-friggin'-believable how she helps herself to MY SHIT!
Uses it ALL, too.
Pissed me right off this morning.
Again. But... now that I know "the end is near", I feel muuuuch better. Except for my stupid shoulder.
I'm still using the Blessed Skid Loader at work, but, the other day... Thursday or Friday (I forget which), we (me, Mr. and Mrs. Boss) had a buncha shots to give. Two shots and a tube of wormer to damned near all 20-some horses.
Mrs. Boss was expecting a rodeo, Mr. Boss thought she was fulla shit and I was just along for whatever the ride was gonna be. All the horses did fine, even the babies, except for this one (stupid fucking) mare...a chestnut mare. Chestnuts, like redheads, are said to be bitches and this one is.
I hate mares. Stallions are from Mars, mares are from Venus and GELDINGS are from HEAVEN.
It's true, too.... Anyway....
Mr. Boss and I were in her stall.
Mrs. Boss said he oughta twitch her before he gave her the shot because she's got a "history" of striking with her front feet and just generally trying to kill whomever is trying to do something to her that she deems unacceptable, which is everything except feeding her and turning her out. Mr. Boss poo-pooed the very thought. Well, Mrs. Boss was right that time. Mr. Boss and I are in there with me at her head holding the lead.
He's next to me, prepping to stick her in the neck with this needle.
He started the shot and the instant she felt it, she lunged forward, trying to crush us in the corner.
Bitch...
Without even thinking about it, I instinctively shoved my elbow into the point of her shoulder/neck and kept her back. Kept us from getting killed, but Jesus FUCK, she did a number on my bad shoulder.
I almost dropped once I felt it.
But, I was so glad we didn't both get run down and stomped to death, I didn't care... then. By the time I got done cleaning those 17 stalls, I was starting to care.
And hurt like hell. Got home, took some Vitamin I, as Paul calls... Ibuprofen. Also got Eric to squash my shoulder and arm for me a bit.
Neither helped too awful much, but it did feel a little bit better for a while. Go to bed, get up the next morning and...
Oh.
Mah.
Gawd.
...rigor mortis had set in. I started cussing that horse the minute I tried to move my arm.
Stupid fuckin' mare... I hurt so bad I didn't even wanna think about forking shit.
Then, I remembered Absorbine...
That's horse liniment.
It's for them for bad legs, sore muscles... shit like that.
However, it also works better than those lame-assed heat patches, Ben Gay or any other "people" crap. I got to work and slapped some of that stuff on me and Lord God, did it help.
It helped so much I went to Agway when I got done work and bought a bottle of my own.
Been using it since and I swear, there's something in it that heals this kinda shit. I put it on before bed and before work. I can now sleep without pain and work like a man again.
Plus, it smells better than "people" stuff does.
I'm tellin' ya... if you have crampy, sore, aching muscle shit happening, use it... Absorbine. You can get it at any Agway or any other place they sell horse related shit.
It WORKS. In other news and to end on a funny/upbeat/good note... It seems I need to rename Donny, my duck.
From day one, I've been calling him Donny, as in "Donny" Osmond, not Donny short for Donald, right?
(Yep.) Well, yesterday, then again today, "Donny" showed me he needs a new name by...
LAYING AN EGG!!!
Yeah man... my duck, Donny... "he" has laid two eggs.
How cool is that? Guess I'm gonna hafta start calling "him" Donielle... like "Danielle" kinda.
Better than "Don-ette" ain't it? That dopey duck... *giggling* Guess I musta done a good job raising her if she's laying eggs, huh? And, no I do NOT need a boy duck now.
That'd be all I'd need... a houseful of cats AND ducks. And, have I mentioned how many frickin' kittens have been born in the last month or so?
No?
Try "about 16".
And... there are three more "loaded" ladies around here... one of whom is that red cat that Eric found in the parlor that'd been dumped here by God knows who, the asshole. My hand to God, if I could find some practical commercial use for cat shit or invent some kinda cat prophylactic, I'd be one rich bitch. So, to recap... Douchebag is outta here Saturday night. Absorbine works on muscular pain like nothing else does. I hate mares, especially chestnut ones... redheaded bitches. Donny is laying eggs. And, I have way too many goddamned cats. But... all is well because, again...
The useless bitch is going back to the armpit of the Universe (known as New Jersey) from whence she oozed. Yay!
Comments
1
You shoulda used her to put out the fire!
Posted by: livey at March 07, 2006 05:20 PM (F6vVe)
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