A battle of wills....
I'm having an almost daily battle of formidable wills... with a wise-assed RAT.
You know...
The brown fur covered things with bald tails that live on farms?
Dig holes, chew shit and are a general pain in the ass... Yeah.
Them. Well, this one particular one, anyway...
Lil shit. In one of the corner stalls I clean every day in the "little" barn there is a "ratway", apparently.
Not just yer regular, run-of-the-mill, rat-made hole, mind you.
This must be some kinda vital trail what with the shit this rat is going through to keep it open.
Not to mention the shit I'm going through trying to keep it CLOSED. This shit's been going on since the first week I started there, too, whenever that was. (By the way and jes' fer the record, I have yet to take even one day off so far... **grin**)
Anyway... it's been going on for weeks, this shit with this rat. His name is now officially "Rat Bastard", in case you're wondering.
Yes.
It's come to that.
Not only have I named the little fucker, it's getting to the point I wanna meet him, just so's I can shake his persistant little paw, ya know?
Then, kick him square in his ass.
The prick. He started it.
He haaaas to have this hole dug into this one baby's stall. Like I said, it's a corner stall and so it's a pretty short dig to the outside. Apparently. And, Rat Bastard can't just have an access hole big enough for him, oh nooooo.
He has to have a hole big enough for the baby to fall into and get sucked into another dimension. (Okay, so maybe I need to lay offa the King novels for a while... still.) Everydamned day, there's his ever bigger hole and everydamned day I fill it the fuck in again.
I start with fresh, green horseshit. I get a coupla nice sized piles and dump them in. I even tamp 'em down with the non-business end of my fork.
Then, I kick in all the crap RB has dug out.
Stomp on that a coupla times.
Drag over some fresh sawdust, quite a pile, stomp that flat.
Finish stall, while eyeing the hole and giggling like the loon that I am... now... thanks to this asshole rodent. Finish the other 9200 goddamned, arm muscle murderin', horses-havin'-a-contest-in-to-see-which-one-
can-fuck-'em-up-the-best STALLS and go home and promptly die. Go back the next day and THERE IT IS AGAIN... only BIGGER. There'll be at least 25 lbs. of sawdust/dirt strewn a good foot out from the new el hu-MUNGO hole.
Then, there'll be small rocks all the way across the stall, like the little fartbag stands on his hind legs, literally throwing the fuckin' rocks with his front feet, probably cussing me the whole time. Every day, this shit is... EVERY DAY. I keep expecting to see him come strolling out the hole, wearing a fedora, cigarette dangling off his lip, flippin' a coin.
He walks over to me and just stands there, flippin' his coin til I look at him.
Then, he'll say, "Listen bitch... da fucks yer problem, anyway? Why you gotta keep doin' this shit? Every day. It's gettin' old and if ya keep it up, I'mina bite ya, see? I'll make a hole that'll make the Lincoln Tunnel look about as impressive as a pee hole drilled in a snowbank, see? Knock it da FUCK OFF, oKAY? Jeezus...." as he turns and strooooolls away, back in to the hole...
that I promptly fill with horseshit yet again. Well, that's what he gets for "bitch", see? Now... my question is this: Is it possible to piss off a rat?
Like, get him so fuckin' pissed off his head explodes or something? 'Cause, if it is, I am and this is fun. On the other hand, if this is just everyday, business-as-usual for this peckerhead "mouse-on-roids" and I'm the only one getting tired of it already, then... it's not s'much fun or soon won't be.
If he's just brainlessly diggin' a hole every day, just to be digging a hole... if he doesn't realize it's the same farkin' hole and if that's not just pissin' him off to no END, then I need to take it to the next level, I think.
A cinderblock on toppa the freshly-filled-in-hole maybe.
Or, some of that "Boyfriend in a Can" stuff.
I don't know what it's really called, but... I was told to go to the hardware store one day and get this shit. It's in a can, ya shake the can, spray out this foamy stuff that fills in holes and gets instantly hard. I'm supposed to go ask the male clerk for this whatever it's called.
I have only the description of what it does to work with.
So.... I go and ask the guy for "some stuff that oughta be called "Boyfriend in a Can" because, apparently, what it does is fill in holes and gets hard instantly..." Scary part is... he knew what I was talking about.
*raised eyebrow* Anyway, maybe some of that shit... IF his isn't driving this rat totally batshit. So... think it is?
*wicked glint in eyes*
Comments
1
That's too funny. I vote for the cinderblock. I don't think that boyfriend in a can is hard enough for him to get through.
Posted by: Freak Magnet at January 20, 2006 10:03 PM (AME1n)
2
Lurking...
Posted by: Dax Montana at January 20, 2006 10:14 PM (L6TJC)
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