You fuckin' wit' ME? You fuckin' wit ME?!!?

I swear, if I didn't need to run to the store for smokes and go put the horses out-n-shit, I'd sit right here and beat the holy hell outta this stupid computer.

For SOME (goddamned stupid fuckin') reason, I CAN'T SEND EMAIL.
I click send and it does NOTHING.
Piece of shit.
I even went into "email help" and changed the settings from "color and graphics" to "plain text", in case THAT was the problem, but APPARENTLY... it wasn't.
MuthaFUCKer.

This is the second time I've tried to send mail recently and got nuttin'.
AND, I was talking to my comp-u-tater God last night, too.
Did I remember to tell him about this... this ANOMALY?
Noooo.
'Course not.

And, did I get a TWO SENTENCE reply to a comment I left at a buddy's blog and write a novella in response WHICH I NOW CANNOT SEND?
Yeeessss.
Of COURSE.

So, in response to my machine and Yahoo mail, I say wholeheartedly, "Fuck y'all anyhow. I'll get this shit where it needs to go mySELF."

(Man, what I wouldn't give for a quarter stick I could shove into some PORTAL in the back of this computer right about now... grrrr.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
lol....
I knew it had something to do with a chick, though I was thinking more along the lines of a "Fatal Attraction" type of female than a Mimi Bobeck deal. Of the two, I'd be less gicked out by the Mimi chick than the rabbit boiler. (Not that Glenn Close is any better lookin' than Kathy Kinney, mind you...)

HOWEVER....
Many Mimis, in fact, ARE rabbit boilers, in that once a man has looked at 'em twice (or spoken to them once, usually), they feel they "have" him and go to great lengths to keep him, including sex, which then turns the thing into something "not of this world" in many ways.

It's "out of this world" GOOD for the beastly woman and the poor guy is (hopefully) left (alive) wondering "How did I come to be farkin' an ALIEN?". and "How the holy hell do I get outta this?"

This is where "faking your death" comes from, I'm pretty sure. Some poor bastard couldn't get free any other way, so he started that trend. Probably after some even more unfortunate dude really did hafta kill himself to get free, ya know? (In my mind's eye, I see a man standing there, gun to his head, saying "What're you laughing at, ya fugly bitch? You're next...")

And, ya wanna whose fault this ALWAYS is? Wanna know who it is that gets you into these kinda messes? Who it is that convinces you that it's "okay" every step of the way, then leaves ya there, alone, while acting like they had not a nickle in it, like they don't even KNOW you, let alone had a hand (that'll be a good pun, once I shaddap and say who it is) in getting you into this mess?

WITHOUT FAIL, from my perspective, it is ALWAYS Mr. Happy's fault.
Yes.
The one-eyed trouser snake.
They get guys into more shit, I swear....
Don't believe me? Check out "Robin Williams: Live at the Met". He has a whole riff on this subject... he knows.

My es-stoopid soon-to-be-ex-husband does NOT know this. Or chooses to believe he can control the situations created by his outta control lil buddy, which he soooo cannot.

You oughta see what he's farkin' these days.
My hand to Gawd, she has no teeth and her name is BJ, first of all, no shit, no lie. I think she's about 5'4" tall and about 6' around. And, ya wanna talk about psychotic? (No, you probably just wanna get back to work or possibly go rip off an appendage or something, huh?) This chick has been "with" (poor, deluded, slightly INSANE) George for, maybe, two months and already speaks out loud to other people (in front of him, even) about when she and George "get a place together" and have their "private wedding ceremony".

Oh Mah Gawd, is this shit funny. There she is, grossing me out, literally flapping her gums at me about alla this shit and there's George behind her, mute, acting out "NONONONONONONO!!!! Dis ain't gunna happen!! NONONONONONO!!!", then acting like he had a muscle spasm or a massive itch when she turns around and can see him.

He says he just wanted someone to hang out with.
"Hang out".
"He" wanted to "hang out".
Now, WHOM does it sound like is doing the talking there?

Yes, Mr. Winkie.

Mr. Winkie wants to "hang out" and be acknowledged.
However, once Mr. Winkie has been "acknowledged", he's all happy and shuts up and goes back to sleep and leaves the poor guy in the lurch.
It's like it's the crotch-rocket's job to get ya INTO the DMZ, but he has no contingency plan to get the poor bass-tid he's attached to outta the POW camp.

And, what is most astounding to me is that, no matter how many times a guy's pecker does this to him, he forgives EVERY SINGLE TIME and DOES IT AGAIN SOME DAY!!!!
(Do y'all NEVER learn? Your little "firemen" buddies LIE and don't hafta pay child support, so what do they even care what they get ya's into?)

Believe me, I do like winkies every bit as much as those who wear them, but Jeezus, ya know? They get you poor guys into soooo much trouble and never get ya out of it.
Well, not gracefully anyway.
Their big plan seems to revolve around finding a new conquest and getting y'all into even deeper shit by making ya's get nekkid with a different nutjob, as if that'll be a clear signal to Nutjob #1 that it's over now, so "Bye, see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya" and away we go.
Not.
All ya have then is two pissed off nutjobs wantin' to bite yer balls off and one increasingly confused, scared, clueless guy just lookin' for companionship in all the wrong places (and ways).

You've heard the saying "a hard dick has no conscience". True enough, BUT... conversely, some cunts have teeth. And a mouth and a way with words and a cute body or something and here's where we come to second in line for whose fault this all is, WOMEN.
"It's okaaay. I won't try to tie you down. I just wanna have sex, I promise. NSA, all the way, Bud...."
Not.
There ain't been a woman born yet whose crotch isn't connected to some other part of her psyche or soul and who won't take sex personally. Unless, of course, you hand her cash after....
Ick.

And... alla this is what happens to broke guys, ugly guys, mean guys, guys who have not a hope in hell of any kind of decent future... let alone a guy like YOU.

YOU are handsome, funny, resourceful, intelligent and you have a real future ahead of you, so can you even begin to image how much more of this crap you're gonna be subject to?
As hard as a woman'll try to snag and keep a piece of shit guy, she's gonna go ten times harder to "get" YOU and never, ever, EVER let ya go.

Know what I mean, Jellybean?

*coupla minutes later, after having read back over this*

Holy shit.
Do I have diarrhea of the keyboard, or WHAT?
And, this is with just one cuppa coffee so far.
Why, I think I've missed you more than I was aware of... *grin*
(Hence this seven page stream-of-consciousness "note"...)

ANYway...
Some "not gorgeous" chicks can be worthwhile. Ya just hafta pick one who'll be appreciative of the attention, not one who is so desperate she takes "Hi" as "Hey, will you insert yourself into my ass and never leave, please?"
And, how do we tell the difference?

I have not a clue.
In my world, ALL women all psycho bitches out to drain men like a buncha vulture/vampires, so ya might wanna see what some else says about this aspect.
In my opinion, women are why God invented glory-holes.
Ya know?

Okay, I'mina shut up now.
Mostly because I need to run to the store and go put the hosses out and clean a coupla stalls and all the other fun stuff involved...
Not to mention, yer eyeballs are probably dryin' out and about to atrophy about now, huh?

Consider yerself hugged,
me

(And, that's "hugged", not "mugged", though I can see where it'd be hard to be sure which, as long as this thing is...)

Posted by: Stevie at 01:12 PM

Comments

Posted by: Mad William Flint at November 29, 2005 03:04 PM (/j9KS)

Posted by: Catfish at November 30, 2005 04:17 AM (DXu3Y)

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