1 Hi Babe,

I read your blog every day to see how you and your (dead,dying, missing and still around,) chldren are doing. I also get a lot of fun reading others on your blog roll. From the halls to the shores has a lot of good stuff (ie, God, USMC,Ret) I showed your (now lance corporal)brother this blog yesterday, and i think he'll
be checking it out form now on. We went to Cowtown on Tuesday, and Norm stopped to get a pound of peanuts. The peanut man was in a wheelchair, and says to Norm, "You look like a Jarhead" (haircut, ya know, one half inch,max.)
'He is", I said. They talked a few minutes and Norm handed him $3 for the nuts. "Peanuts are only $2 for Jarheads", he said, handing back a dollar. This guy had been in 'Nam. Norm told me, as we walked away, that he gets this every day.
He has certain places he goes for sandwiches, sodas, ammo etc. because he gets a Marine discount
just on his haircut. It's hard to believe that just last year when he was still drumming in the band that his hair was about a foot long and changed colors every month or two. Now, it's all
Marines and getting straight A's in criminal justice to be a cop...

I'm sorry to hear about your (nine hundred and fifty second) cat being missing. I know, no matter how many animals you have or types of animals(dogs, cats, hamsters,horses,rabbits, rats,
possums,turtles,ducks-in aquariums,yet-,ferrets, and, probably a wombat or two I've forgotten) you
have, you worry about them like a woman with a dozen kids worries about them. At least, with kids, you can use birth control to keep things under control. They ain't got no 'Finding Control' pills to limit the number of animals you
can pull in under your 'mommy tent'. If you could ever claim your buds as dependents, you'd never pay a cent in taxes. I grew up in rural areas, in severeal different houses, and w always had a lot of cats (mice and other rodents in the barns and sheds..I know, you'd be out there shooing the starving cats away from your poor mouse pals...
several dogs (watch dogs, and later on hunting pardners) chickens, rabbits, ducks and pigs (food)
though they were pets until they became dinner.
I often wonder how you'd have made out having your local animals being killed for entrees a couple of times a week...(Remember Uncle Jim's
goat named Yum-Yum?)

But, you wouldn't be you if you weren't emotionally involved with your animals. And none of them have ever treated you badly, which is more than you can say for most of the wacko humans you've had to suffer through.
Jeez, what's the rule on length of 'blog comments' in Pennsylvania and/or New Jersey?

Anyway, I love you and read your blog regular
like.

Your marginally normal male parent..

2 Thank you ....
(she says as she sits crying and laughing at the same time...)
I still haven't found him yet and what's even worse is that now for some reason, I feel guilty about EVERYTHING....Eric, the cat, the goat, the horse....evrything.
My appetite has gone to hell (YAY!) and everytime I start to fall alseep, I feel overwhelmed by feelings of dread and doom and guilt. So...I'm walkin' around feeling nauseated pretty much 24/7.
And, what little sleep I have gotten has been haunted by dreams of trying to find the cat, losing Eric or people taking away the rest of my kids because I failed with a kitten, so how can I think I deserve the others?...kinda shit.
Jesus.
I felt something in me snap or let go the other day. I don't know what it was, but somethings different this time.
I dunno.
But...hearing from you ALWAYS helps.
So, thank you again.
(And, does life EVER get any better...or is it just one thing after another like this til ya die? Just reeeeally wondering...)

3 Hey yall,

One thing you must think about is that animals are just not up to understanding all your problems and they don't do their (to us)dopey animal things just to piss us off. I'm sure that most, if not all, of your 1000(however many zeroes
there are) animals see as a being who feeds them, snuggles with them, yells at them when you're pissed, (they don't really know yelling means anything-they're animals, after all) and things with with you are better than when they were outside freezing, or hungry or being chased by some bigger animal for whatever reason...But you have always thought of animals as though they were Disney characters who underestand English,
talk to each other about stuff,(your problems, sadnesses, frightful times, etc.) Actually, they don't do any of these things. They are just animals, with animal feelings and instints, and
can sense that the creature comforts they get from you are better than any previous stuff that has happened to them. But, since they're animals, they don't do humanly logical things. They dart outside when the door is opened sometimes, and get hit by a passing tractor and have no idea what happened. They are warm and
cuddly. They seem to pay attention to you for the
several nano-seconds their animal brains can retain a 'thought', but they are only cute animals. They hurt you inadvertantly, by getting lost, croaking, getting injured, disappearing
because of dopey 'discisions' they make, but they
are only animals and don't do any of this crap on purpose. They never have any idea that any of their illogical animal actions affect you in any way. 'She is good. She feeds me. She holds me.
I'm going to go chase that fucking cat around the barn. Whoa, I'm gonna stop chasing and smell this interesting dead stinking animal that's lying here.
Wow, interesting. Hey, there's a rabbit. I'm gonna get him! That's a loud noise...Squish..end of animal...Animals and tractors have no sense of
anything like all the things your very good intellect understands. Your life has been whacked
out into left field because many of your aquaintences, friends, lovers etc. have ANIMAL
habits and personalities, not the other way around. Many of your lovers and men you want so hard to take the time to know you and sympathize
with your quirks, hopes, dreams,desires,thoughts
(endless list of such feelings) simply stop at your door for a while during their pointless rovings around the back field with their noses to the ground sniffing for something interesting, and run off again after playing with you for the couple of 'nano-seconds' their animal brain can
spare from 'running around the field sniffing
for anything new to interest them. (Norman, you
must watch your endless run-on sentences. You might have gotten an A, instead of the C I'm forced to give you.) Think of all the guys you've
given so much time and affection to. Just like the animals, several have been killed like dogs hit by cars, many just stopped for the 'food' you
were giving them, then, zoom, 'I'm gonna run across that field, into the woods, and see what else I can find.." What am I trying to say?
(Help!) Probably that your life-long passion for animals, may often steer you wrong with men. To
put it clearly, many of your guys had less 'human'
feelings and qualities than your animals. And, Christ, it hurts so much more when this is done to you, on purpose, by a human,thinking(?) being.

Don't get so down when an animal does something illogical (like disappearing.) They,
(if you want to put it in your terms) 'love'
you, but have no control of their animal brains.

Jeez, I hope you are now completly cured, happy as a (pet) clam. I think this letter may have caused world-wide peace in our time! I think
all disease has been wiped out. I think I've bored the shit out of anyone who took the several
hours it took to get through this! But I love you, your animals 'love'you (there is a difference), and know that 'Fate' isn't against you. A lot of your happiness depends on animals
being logical. They ain't. Many human ones ain't
either.

Love you.

Dad

4 You got a dad, hon.

Good for you,

5 Yeah, I do, thank God...

Dad: I hope so, because all I can think is that he needed me to help him and I let him down...just like I did all those dogs I had in Mullica Hill that I got rid of because of that asshole Wally. That one dog, Bone, was abused and trusted me and I let her and all the others down. They're all dead because of me....I can't seem to get past that.
Same with this cat...and Andy Harris, for that matter...if I had been paying closer attention, it wouldn't have happened, therefore...I suck.
I swear to GOD, I'd PAY to get rid of this mindset. Lord knows, the cost would be less than it is living with it.
I keep thinking that poor kitten laid there dying, thinking "Damn...she didn't love me after all. Where is she now?" And, here I am, in a warm house, with food available and he's out there, freezing, starving and now probably dead. And, that's my fault because I didn't find him in time.
Life feeling this way ALL THE TIME makes suicide make sense...on top of which, not one person has ever given me one good point behind all this shit called life.
You struggle to survive so you can die someday. Brilliant idea. Oh, please, yes...let me do THIS again...NOT.

And, no...I'm not 'on the edge' again (yet, or I'd be calling you at work...lol), I just want to, NEED to, know what the friggin' point is. Why am I alive and what's the point of life anyhow?
If all it is is the life I've led...I'll pass next time, thanks. Because this, my life, is as pointless as anything I've ever seen.

6 Well, Hon
At least you illustrate my point. No dog,cat,horse,spider (outside of kiddy books) has ever thought, "Oh shit, here I am out here freezing and starving, and she lied to me..."
These are transmorgified (Trans what the fuck?)
thoughts from your mind brought on by the things you've thought during the many times a man has let you down terribly, and as you were hurting so bad in the aftermath,thinking,(rightly)"He lied
to me. He didn't really care..he just used me, and threw me away..Why?..WHY? The 'why' part is hard to answer, except to recall the reasons you would give me for why this guy (your new man)
was different. Remember..."Oh dad, he has the longest hair, he has the biggest belt buckle (among other things in the size department..) He's
not really a truck driver, he and his dad own a trucking company, and he's just helping out...
We're going to go to (name a state) and work on..
buy a..ranch. Not unlike your mother (and where do women learn about more about life from than from the examples set by their mothers. And from conversations, answers to important questions and problems that occur that mothers can help with?)
You had little help there when you were growing up. And your mother got no help from her mother
in her formative years. Certain (ie, Most)things
weren't talked about.You just learned on your own.
Your mother was pregnant with you and shocked and scared shitless when she discovered (from a picture book) where babies came out of their mothers. Her parents were about 50 years behind the times and told their children nothing about anything. When any taboo subject (just about anything) was mentioned, it was whispered. (I am
defending, somewhat, how your mother had no idea
how to be forth (or fifth)right with you.

You have done an amazing job getting where
you are (intellectually and emotionally)today.
You took (and take) the 'I'm independant I know what I'm doing and I need no help or sympathy from you, Dickhead', way too far. Your fierce
independance (and loyalty to,sometimes, the wrong people in the wrong situations, loyalty that wasn't reciprocated by weaselly asses when you deserved it) has thrust you into the situation you find yourself. I truly believe your wonderful
talent for writing, thinking and attaining friends
has been so clearly demonstrated by your exceptional blogging. I think your blog, and the support people who don't know you personally, give you almost daily, is a remarkable aid to your psyche,( and a credit to your obvious intellect and talent as a writer and communicator.) Being able to vent, to cry ,to
bare your soul, to say whatever you want to say,
is very healing and healthy for you. I can see by the messages many people send you, you are highly thougt of in the blogging world. These here ole
bloggers can pick a bullshit artist out of a world series crowd. (Perhaps not in the Phillies park, so far, but maybe next year...) Your personal life gets frustrating, I know, but you are attracting and communicating with growing nuumber of people who really appreciate and care for you. Use your blog and your talent, and accept the support folks give you. Being obscene,
being pissed, being sad, being happy, translates
to you being interesting. When you get discouraged, remember that, and also that I love you, and believe it or not the other folks I live with do too, more than you believe. Don't lose faith in yourself. (Look at Sally Starr.)
Oh heck, more samples to run..See you, Love.

7 You guys...Dad nailed it about you. You people who come here and read me and comment...you really are helping me handle this shit (i.e.-being alive...).
Hell, Dad's right (as usual) about all of it, but I just wanted to point out that I do know that part already and I do appreciate it and I do love yas for it...so thank you, every one of you...even you 'lurkers' who don't say much. You come here, you read and you come back and that counts too, to me.
I just wish I didn't feel this shit so much, so hard, so....everlastingly. You'd think the crap I've been thru would've hardened me up a little..but, it didn't. At least not as far as my animls go, anyway...
And, ya know what, Dad? As much as I love talking to ya on the phone, I think this way may be even better...having your words written down, so I can come back and re-read them time and again, 'til it finally sinks in.
But, I will still be calling...lol.

8 um...I LOVE YOU?!

9 You won't if you're a spammer!!!