God, give me strength...

Again, we have new standards of stupidity...nay, utter assholery being set around here.
I don't know if I even mentioned it before or not, but about 2 months ago, Bill-the-Bonehead had a few loads of wood dumped in the front yard.
Why is this bonehead?
Because, first of, this shit is huge and green and now...frozen solid. Second, it's so fuckin' close to the edge of the driveway, it's hard to get in and out of now. Third, it was stupid, because the log-splitter was at one of the other houses here...the one with not one single person capable of running the damned thing. Fourth, when, not if...WHEN these logs are not gone by spring, what a fuckin' mess that's gonna be.
Not to even mention the dogs getting tangled around them when we put 'em out on the long leash to pee and us (me) falling over them in the dark and...and...aaarrrggghhh!!!
NOW, Mr. Bill has trumped his own self.
Idiot.
About 45 (#$%^@!!) minutes ago, the log-splitter, which has recently been brought to the front yard by George to split said tree trunks, was fired up, ostensibly I suppose, to split wood. Not by George or Eric or me. Oh no. Whom does Bill send over here to stand there, suckin' on a foul pipe, running that goddamned thing full bore while splitting one log about every nine fuckin' minutes?
Yeah. The butthole previously referred to as Pops. The laziest human being ever put on this earth. I'm not even going to allow myself to get worked up into a homicidal rage by recounting this fucknuggets previous transgressions....suffice it to say, only the most rigorous self-control do-able keeps me from beating him snotless...(senseless wouldn't take long enough).
I heard the thing fire up and thought that maybe someone was just going to split some of that shit and use it now...especially since the weather is so shitty. But, it kept running and running and running and only once ever' so often did I hear the change in pitch meaning a log was being split.
After about 45 minutes of this (shit), I go look and see. See him standing there, stenchin' pipe spewin' noxious fumes, looking around at the wood on the ground like he was waiting for it to jump up onto the splitter itself. It seemed to dawn on him every so often that that was NOT happening and he'd ever so slowly bend the fuck over and oh so gently place a log upon said splitter, then practically lay across the handle to make it go.
Jesus.
I doubt this mothafucker could pull a skin offa pudding without help.
Yes, please, please...have the slowest asshole east of the Mississippi in my front yard running an obnoxiuosly loud log-splitter for no apparent reason. Yes, Bill...please choose me for this shit. God knows, I go outta my way to make yer life a living hell....you ass.
I got Eric on the radio, asked him who's crack-headed idea this was and what, if any, was the fuckin' point with that putz doing it and Eric got him outta here.
Thank God.
Now....where are the flippin' aspirin....again? (I swear to CHRIST Bill has stock in an aspirin company. Or he should.)
Honestly.

Posted by: Stevie at 12:16 PM

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Posted by: hart zou at November 25, 2004 08:48 PM (CO0nE)

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