To answer the eternal question....
"Where does she get this shit?", I give you, in all his uncensored glory, my Dad....
(This, by the way, made me laugh my ever-lovin' ass off. Thank you, Dad. I needed it.)
Hi Love,
Shit, fuck, cunt, bastard! I had just typed about a thousand words of
deathless prose to you when I hit some damned key that erased the whole
freakin' thing ! ANYWAY...I ain't read your great stuff since my last
note to you. So tonight, here at work, I decided to read my hotmail
(first time in about six days, and I get about 85 worthless comuniques per
day offering such irresitable crap as, borrow money from us, get a
college degree in three weeks for hardly any cash, try OUR pornsite, cheap!
(I ain't got nothin against porn, but there must be millions of
drooling unwashed loveless folks pouring millions of dollars into the coffers
of these guys...not to mention pre-pube computer geniuses screwing up
their future sex-lives by wallowing in this not-quite-real,
out-in-left-field view of sex. Of course, I like porn, but I only look at the free
stuff. Luckily my seventy-five year old neighbor doesn't charge me
anything...) I erased over 800 of these exciting communications. Then I remembered I hadn't read your blog since I wrote you last
(about two weeks or so)and here I am. Your stuff is so cheerful, it perks
me right up! However, through equine death, deadbeat diner patrons,
balky vehicles, periods, commas, and a host of other frustrations, your
sardonic humor and survivorness (I can make up words if I want to..)
makes your blog a great read. I'm quite proud of my two progeny with IQs
high up into three digits. (not toes and fingers, idiot..)Your stilted
ideas, undoubtedly caused by the wonderful maternal care you survived,
(although what's really wrong with your Ma sleeping with your boyfriends?
You're such a Puritan...) and the anguish they cause, are no match for
your nimble and wonderful intellect! Now, that and $2.40 will get you a
gallon of 21st century gas, but in actuality, your I.Q. is your
salvation. Wow, I sound like Uncle Jim talking about Jeeeesus. Perhaps one
shouldn't go off on a computer rant at 4.00am, but (most) of what I'm
telling you is very true. (The part about my seventy-five year old
neighbor isn't true, for instance. She's seventy-nine.... I didn't want you
to think your father was a PREvert..hanging around with old people..) By the way, I see your wacko count is up to 100015. You're gettin'
more converts than Billy Graham! Now his converts is off to Heaven, I
don't know where yours is goin'. Now, somebody brought in samples for us to run. Idiots! We've had a
nice relaxing three hours with no work. Oh well. I'll check you again
soon.... Much Love, Your pateral unit... See?
It is NOT just me. And, honestly, if I had to "inherit" bent-headed-ness from one or the other of my parents, as SEEMS to be the case, I'm glad it was Dad's kind and not Vivian's. Besides which, it'd be kinda hard to screw my daughter's boyfriends when, a.) I don't have or want kids and, b.) if I did, it'd HAVE TO be a boy or be returned for repairs and since I'm not a lesbian, that'd be awkward, wouldn't it? (Screwing my son's girlfriends, I mean. Wow. See? Yet ANOTHER reason I shoulda been a guy. Wonder who mom woulda fucked then, besides Dad and me still anyway, and every swingin' dick at the nuke plant? Probably my girlfriends, knowing my luck... Gawd.) *coupla minutes later, after re-reading this* Hey.
Don't blame me for that. It's CONGENITAL.
I swear. It is.
Is TOO!!!!
Comments
1
May I suggest Mezcal and Prozac? For me, that is, after reading that post.
Posted by: Velociman at August 01, 2005 09:08 PM (YOgHB)
2
Whew! Sounds like you need a big FAT doober and a bottle of Cognac. I haven't read your blog in awhile because I thought you gave it up. I can see you've been busy the last few days. Here's a hug and a prayer for you.
On another thought, no horse is ever going to be Storm to you. He was something special. I think given time you can build the same relationship with Brandy. Good, solid relationships with anything take time. I'll bet a year from now you'll think about Brandy like you did about Storm. Give it some time.
You are the one that needs to change. The new horse will see you trying and probably try too. Remember, you are a stranger to her too right now. Animals can sense emotions better than humans.
Well, hope my two cents doesn't piss you off. Hope things get better for you and your new horse.
On another thought, no horse is ever going to be Storm to you. He was something special. I think given time you can build the same relationship with Brandy. Good, solid relationships with anything take time. I'll bet a year from now you'll think about Brandy like you did about Storm. Give it some time.
You are the one that needs to change. The new horse will see you trying and probably try too. Remember, you are a stranger to her too right now. Animals can sense emotions better than humans.
Well, hope my two cents doesn't piss you off. Hope things get better for you and your new horse.
Posted by: assrot at August 02, 2005 12:01 PM (ARCEn)
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