Military Rules for the Non-Military Personnel

Subject: Military Rules for the Non-Military Personnel

Dear Civilians,
We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation have many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas we would like your buttistance with:

1. The next time you see an adult talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem ... kick their butt.

2. When you witness firsthand someone burning the American Flag in protest... kick their butt.

3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these Veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these Veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a Disabled Veteran kicks their butt.

4. (GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDU's), telling others that you used to be "Special Forces," and collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay if you were still seven. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your butt kicked.

5. Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, "Do you fly a jet?" Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves a butt kicking (children are exempt).

6. If you witness someone calling the U.S. Coast Guard non military, inform them of their mistake...and kick their butt.

7. Roseanne Barr's singing of the National Anthem is not a blooper...it was a disgrace and disrespectful. Laugh, and sooner or later your butt will be kicked.

8. Next time Old Glory (U.S. flag) prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her...of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe butt kicking.

9. What Jane Fonda did during the Vietnam War makes her the enemy. The proper word to describe her is "traitor." Just mention her nomination for "Woman of the Year" and get your butt kicked.

10. Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. We are Americans and we all bleed the same regardless of our party affiliation. Our Chain of Command, is to include our commander in Chief. The President (for those who didn't know) is our CIC regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those representatives" meet. All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. The military member might direct you to Oliver North. (I can see him kicking your butt already.)

11. "Your mama wears combat boots" never made sense to me ... stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and probably kick your butt!

12. Bin Laden and the Taliban are not communists, so stop saying "Let's go kill those Commie's!!!" And stop asking us where he is!!!! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me ... if you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers; let me know, so I can go kick their butt.

13. Flyboy (Air Force), Jar Head (Marines), Grunt (Army), Squid (Navy) etc, are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Could get your butt kicked.

14. Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends please remember that there are, literally, thousands of sailors and troops far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its butt kicked.

Posted by: Ogre at 06:06 PM

Comments

1 I can especially agree with the coastguard one. I do pro bono web work on a site for vets. Do you have any idea how hard it was to find the coast emblem. They are really underappreciated and little understood.

Posted by: Steph at February 28, 2007 08:28 PM (AC9Dc)

2 Sounds like a butt kicking.

Posted by: Ogre at February 28, 2007 08:37 PM (oifEm)

3 I love this. My dad was a navigator on B52s while in the "Air Force"... yaaa he joined it when it was still associated with the Army and ended up in the Air Force. My dad never was a pilot on a jet. Yet he did just as much as others. I will have to pass these rules on down the line... and watch out... I can kick butt just as well as someone that was actually in the military.

Posted by: vw bug at February 28, 2007 08:46 PM (PeJFE)

4 Ogre - I have one rule I would offer a caveat to:

4. (GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDU's), telling others that you used to be "Special Forces," and collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay if you were still seven. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your butt kicked.

I only wear BDU's on very few occasions: when working on the car or in the yard, as they are the most comfortable and durable clothing I own (and the boots are common for me for ankle support, but I don't blouse the cuffs on my jeans like others do), and I still have my G.I. Joe collection, but only for two reasons. Those that are un-opened, will be passed as keepsakes to my children to remind them of REAL toys, and those that are opened, well, I'll show them how to play with REAL TOYS!

Other than that, amen!

Posted by: Smokey at February 28, 2007 08:48 PM (xBtls)

5 Hey, are you asking for a butt kicking, VW?

Heh. Smokey plays with dolls.

Posted by: Ogre at February 28, 2007 08:50 PM (oifEm)

6 Way to kick some ass, Ogre

Posted by: Leo Pusateri at March 01, 2007 02:48 AM (NrIAN)

7 What do you mean by that? Do you need your butt kicked?

Posted by: Ogre at March 01, 2007 10:10 AM (kft0e)

8 First, they aren't dolls, they are ACTION FIGURES, and by playing, I mean strapping bottle rockets and M80's to them, thus the drop in value for those that are opened.

BTW - I did leave one out, I do wear BDU's when I compete with the paintball team, but that is to be expected.

Posted by: Smokey at March 01, 2007 07:41 PM (xBtls)

9 Oh, "Action Figures," is it? Hehe.

Posted by: Ogre at March 01, 2007 08:25 PM (oifEm)

10 I doubt you could kick my butt... mainly due to the geographical nature of where we live. ;-)

Posted by: vw bug at March 01, 2007 08:39 PM (PeJFE)

11 I dunno, I've got some pretty big feet...

Posted by: Ogre at March 01, 2007 08:43 PM (oifEm)

12 VW - Ogre is the exception, he does not need to kick your butt, just the smell is enough to hurt people in AUSTRALIA (and he doesn't even need wind). Wait, THAT'S IT! Ogre's feet cause global warming! QUICK, SOMEONE CALL AL GORE!

Posted by: Smokey at March 02, 2007 02:15 AM (Ek60P)

13 I DARE alGore to come around. I had tacos and refried beans for supper...

Posted by: Ogre at March 02, 2007 02:26 AM (kft0e)

14 Tillsammans med det hela som verkar att bygga hela detta specifika omrade, dina asikter ar ganska spannande. Anda , jag be om ursakt , men jag vill inte prenumerera pa ditt hela iden , alla vara det stimulerande anda . Det forefaller mig att dina kommentarer inte ar helt rationaliseras och i verkligheten du vanligtvis sjalv inte riktigt helt overtygad om pastaendet . I alla handelser jag ville uppskattar att lasa det.
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