Silly Quotes
From Mustang:
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."--Author Unknown Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,
drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base." "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld "Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
--Unknown, presumed deceased
Comments
1
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown
Yaa. "Keep away from Children"... I wouldn't need the two aspirin.
--Author Unknown
Yaa. "Keep away from Children"... I wouldn't need the two aspirin.
Posted by: vw bug at June 06, 2006 11:55 PM (YS9om)
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