Democrat Code of Conduct, Part 2
Earlier today, we tried to present a preview of the Democrat ethics strategy for the 2006 elections. The crackstaff is still not awake, so we're left to just throw out baseless accusations and conjecture. But hey, that's fun, so let's give it a shot!
Whenever someone comes out with something new, there's two questions to be asked immediately: "Why is this being done?" and "Why hasn't it been done before?" In this case, the answers are really easy. Why are the Democrats doing this? To win an election -- plain and simple, nothing more. And yet, the idea of having ethics just to win an election doesn't seem to bother anyone... Why hasn't it been done before? Well, it's never been tried before. This is a new concept in this century. It's an idea that really hasn't been tried since, oh about 1800 or so -- the idea that a politician might actually HAVE ethics. Since this is about politicians, and we don't want to shock their fragile systems and egos, we shouldn't really hit them hard. Instead, we should start with small, baby steps, until they get used to the idea. Keeping all that in mind, here's a few suggestions for the Democrats who suddenly want ethics: 1. If someone dies while in your personal automobile and you were driving, do not run and hide in a motel room. I know this one should be really obvious, but remember what we're dealing with. I think this one really is non-negotiable and really needs to be on the Democrat Party's list. 2. Tell the truth. Again, this one is really obvious to anyone over the age of 3 that isn't either a lawyer or a politician, but it really is the basics of ethics. If you skip this one, there's really nowhere else to go with this whole idea. I know for many politicians, this will be nearly impossible. So many have been telling so many lies for so long, it may feel funny inside to actually tell the truth. My advice to them? Keep with it -- the funny feeling will go away. Try it, you might like it. 3. Forget the phrase "neither confirm nor deny." As soon as those words come out of your mouth, everyone knows you're guilty. Really. Nothing else you say after that really means anything, because you're done for. When you think of uttering this phrase, think of rule #2. 4. Remember: Bush is not the anti Christ. Democrats, think about this -- a large number of people actually voted for Bush, no matter what you think. A VERY large number. He's the head of this country. Just opposing him because he takes a position makes you look even more foolish than you already are. Give it a break, it just doesn't work. 5. Be yourself. Closely related to #2 above. If you have a position on something, just tell people what that position is -- no matter what it is. Millions of people will respect you, even if that position is that you think everyone with pinky fingers longer than 2.5 inches should have to pay higher taxes -- at least you'll HAVE a position! Well, that's 5 rules, and that's enough for people who simply have no ethics now. Try not to hurt yourselves putting them into place. (An Alliance precision-guided humor assignment).
Comments
1
I think you should change this to the Politician's Code of Conduct.
Posted by: Arbitratorofall at January 26, 2006 12:16 AM (5+Jvh)
2
Well, #1 and #3 really apply to the Democrats...
Posted by: Ogre at January 26, 2006 12:34 AM (+Gl1m)
3
But at least it is not as bad as Condoleeza Rice at the 9-11 commision. I really loved it when she denied seeing a memo she forwarded and signed. Everyone uses those dumb lines.
Posted by: Arbitratorofall at January 26, 2006 01:41 AM (5+Jvh)
4
I'm with Arbitratorofall. These are rules which should apply to everyone in Washington.
Two other points.
1) Try to find some sin of Kennedy's that happened during my lifetime, OK? You're starting to give everybody the impression that he hasn't made a gaff since Nixon.
2) Hillary is not the anti-Christ, either. Nor is Dean, Murtha, et al. Accept the fact that they are trying to help America. Badly, but trying.
Two other points.
1) Try to find some sin of Kennedy's that happened during my lifetime, OK? You're starting to give everybody the impression that he hasn't made a gaff since Nixon.
2) Hillary is not the anti-Christ, either. Nor is Dean, Murtha, et al. Accept the fact that they are trying to help America. Badly, but trying.
Posted by: The Small Town Hick at January 26, 2006 02:29 AM (ZINSp)
5
I'm sorry, I can't accept that Hillary is trying to help America -- unless by "help" you mean destroy or make communist.
No, the Democrat Party wants power and money and is honestly strongly opposed to freedom. I'm not saying the Republican Party does a good job of supporting freedom, either, but there's a few there that really are trying.
No, the Democrat Party wants power and money and is honestly strongly opposed to freedom. I'm not saying the Republican Party does a good job of supporting freedom, either, but there's a few there that really are trying.
Posted by: Ogre at January 26, 2006 10:59 AM (+Gl1m)
6
And Small Town Hick? There's no statute of limitations on murder. Oh, and speaking of bringing up old sins, perhaps you should talk to your Democrat friends on the Judiciary committee...
Posted by: Ogre at January 26, 2006 11:00 AM (+Gl1m)
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