Free Heat in North Carolina

There's no need to pay your heating bill in North Carolina this year. Gubn'r Easley, King of North Carolina, has made a royal decree that all the taxpayers of North Carolina will give him money that he will use to buy heat. He will then distribute the heat to those he deems royally worthy.

In addition, since there are not enough working people left in the state to pay for all the heat he wants to buy, he has decided that the power companys, who are also ruled by the king, will also pay millions of dollars for his heating program.

There are no exact outlines drawn to determine which of his 8 million subjects will be given the heat that he decides to distribute. It is estimated that the king will select about 70,000 people who will be beneficiaries of his free winter heat program -- only that he will expect renewed fealty to be sworn to him and his successors after he gives them the gift.

Posted by: Ogre at 07:31 AM

Comments

1 You heartless Ogre, you! You'd let those poor old people and destitute freeze? *kidding*

Actually, this really upsets me. Mostly because it is 32 degrees and snowing right now and I have a broken furnace which I have been trying for three weeks to get fixed (as I have a toddler at home) and which hasn't yet been fixed. . . Heads will roll today!

Posted by: oddybobo at November 17, 2005 08:57 AM (6Gm0j)

2 How do I get to be King? I'll take some free Air Conditioning while at it... GRIN

Posted by: vw bug at November 17, 2005 09:48 AM (2+gaO)

3 Since it is 5 degrees here, maybe moving to NC wouldn't be a bad idea. Not only is it warmer outside, but I can get my house heated for free too.

Crank up the thermostat! No need to set it at 65 degrees if someone else is paying for it. Make it 75!

Posted by: Echo Zoe at November 17, 2005 09:53 AM (K+h36)

4 I remember last winter when a number of states added laws that said that power companies couldn't turn off heat to customers who didn't pay their bills. So yes, why bother? If you don't pay, what happens? Nothing. Oh, maybe you'll get a hit on your credit report, but that's about all.

And heck, if the king likes you, he'll just pay your bill for you.

And VW, to be king, you have to annointed in North Carolina. The sucessor to the current king is the NC Attorney General. He did the most sucking up to the current king, so he gets hand-picked to be the next king. When you're king, people try to win your favor so that you will be selected next king.

Posted by: Ogre at November 17, 2005 10:06 AM (/k+l4)

5 Texas has something kind of like this, but not as far as this goes. We have a state law which states IF the temperature is above(summer) or below(winter) a "certain level", then the electric/gas companies cannot disconnect you for non-pay, until the temperature "normalizes" again. Example, if the "mark" is 100 degress in the summer, that means that someone COULD suffer health effects w/o electricity, and if it's 30 degrees in the summer, the cold could affect you as well. BUT, that is NOT to say you get your bill forgiven and don't have to pay, it just means you get a little more time, and trust me, once that "mark" is no longer a problem, they can, AND WILL, cut your happy but off!

And yes, while working for the evil electric company, I got calls from people who said they KNEW it was "illegal to cut power off" during the summer, and one even sued. I was allowed to read a transcript of the court proceedings, and by the end, the Judge told the idiot customer to start reading the laws, and then told him to not only pay his bill, and the reconnect fee, but also to pay my company's legal fees.

Man I love being an "evil, heartless, conservative" some-times, especially when I get to point out STUPIDITY from "the left".

Posted by: Smokey at November 17, 2005 11:01 AM (K7uqT)

6 Now all those who want free heat can leave Texas and come to North Carolina and impress the king - - then it's all free!!

Posted by: Ogre at November 17, 2005 11:08 AM (/k+l4)

7 Free Heat my ass, not if I'm paying for it.

Posted by: Contagion at November 17, 2005 06:41 PM (Q5WxB)

8 Well, you're not paying taxes in North Carolina, so it's questionable if you're actually paying for it. Odds are you ARE, because I'm betting NC is using some federal funds, too, but I'm not sure...

Posted by: Ogre at November 17, 2005 07:59 PM (7PCNv)

9 Well, okay, technically *I* am not paying for it... But if I lived in NC, I know I would be, because I sure the hell wouldn't qualify.

So that means you probably are paying for it. Do you think it's free?

Posted by: Contagion at November 18, 2005 08:39 AM (Q5WxB)

10 I know better. But that's how the king is selling it, of course. And it's for the children, after all...

Posted by: Ogre at November 18, 2005 08:59 AM (/k+l4)






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