Just Jokes

Just a little humor to lighten up a drab Monday.
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An old woman was being interviewed and was asked "I see that you were maried four times". "Your first husband was a banker, the second a theater owner, the third a preacher, and your fourth an undertaker". "Why such disparet profesions?"

She replied that it was all due to good planning. "Oh?" said the interviewer.

"Yes", she replied. "One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!"

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A husband and wife were having a bitter argument, towards the end of which, the wife proclaimed: "I want to dance on your casket" to which the husband immediatly rejoined: "Great! Bury me at sea!".

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A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world."

"It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?"

The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his cane and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass."

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One morning Bobby's mother was cleaning his room, and she found an S & M magazine under the bed. She was beside herself worrying, trying to think of how to handle the situation.
Finally her husband came home from work, and he asked her how her day was. The mother told him about the magazine. Shaking, she asked him how they were going handle this situation.

Her husband sat there for awhile, sighed, and said, "Well, I guess spanking him is out of the question."

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A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
The husband says: "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen and he might as well deal with it.

The next day the husband takes his wife shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. Then they go to the jewelry department where she gets a set of diamond earrings.

The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says: "You don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it, then let's get it." The wife jumps up and down, so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says: "I am ready to go, let's go to the cash register."

The husband says: "No - no - no, Honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife's face goes blank. "No Honey. I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

The wife gets really mad and is about to explode when the husband says: "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man!!!"
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Wonder what which jokes I chose says about me ?!?!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:23 PM

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