August 07, 2005
Truism of the Day
Remember -- A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...BUT a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:17 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
August 06, 2005
THE LEGLESS PARROT
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot
sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet
or legs. The guy says aloud, "Geesh, I wonder what
happened to this Parrot?"
The parrot responds, "I was born this way. I'm a
defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy says. "You actually understood
and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be
a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this; how do
you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie
around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't
see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and
speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I
can converse with reasonable competence on almost
any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics,
philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You
really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I
just can't afford that."
"Pssst", said the parrot, "truth is, nobody wants me
cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me
for $20, just make the guy an offer!" The guy offers
$20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a
great sense of humor. He's interesting. He's a great
pal. He understands everything. He sympathizes. He's
insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot
goes, "psssssssssssst," and motions him over with
one wing. I don't know if I should tell you this or
not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your
wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black
nightie and kissed him passionately."
"WHAT???" The guy asks incredulously. "THEN what
happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and put
his hands under her nightie and began petting her
all over," reported the parrot.
"Oh No!," he exclaims. "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nightie, began to kiss her
all over, starting with her breasts and slowly...."
"WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT
HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my
perch."
Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:33 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
August 04, 2005
Common Sense from Across the pond
The Limey Pundit has boiled down the WOT to it's essential essence in a manner that even the most stalwart practitioner of the Kool-aid drinking, PC opineing, UNreality based Moonbat Brigade can understand.
Kudos to a Brit that "gets it" with a capitol G.Posted by: Delftsman3 at 08:15 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
THE PILOT AND THE MINISTER
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Peter Pilot, retired American Airlines Pilot from Dallas." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom." The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's in Pasadena for the last 43 years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom." "Just a minute," says the minister. "that man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff, and I get only cotton and wood? How can this be?" "Up here - - we work by results," says Saint Peter, "while you preached - - people slept; while he flew - -- people prayed."Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:48 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Fair Tax
I've written about it before, and here I go again. There is an idea for a radically different tax system for our country called the Fair Tax. It's been presented in H.R.25 for congressional debate. Now it is up to US to ensure that it gets a fair hearing. The politicians won't even let it get out of a committee hearing if WE don't tell them that this is an idea that should at get a fair debate on it's merits.
The reason for this is obvious; the Fair Tax, if enacted, would strip a great deal of power out of the hands of the politicians and return it to the people. Politicians would no longer be able to manipulate the tax code to their benefit, giving large tax breaks to those in a position to contribute to their campaign war chests. It would put the people back in a position to control what they pay in taxes through their spending habits. Here is why I support the Fair Tax proposal 1. It would eleminate all hidden taxes in the goods and services we purchase, letting us make a truly informed decision about what we buy. 2. It would be a truely progressive tax; eleminating the "class war" wedge used by populist politicians to pit the various segments of our society against each other, and bring the political debate back to "is this proposed legislation truly good for our country". 3 It eliminates any taxes being paid by "the poor"; and immediatly raises their usable income by some 25%. 4. It removes the incentive of Big Business to pay for a politician to try to gain a step up on their competition. 5. It would lower the tax burden on the average family, allowing for more "stay at home parents", it would no longer be NECESSARY for both parents to work, just to be capable of paying their tax burden. 6. It would eleminate all inheritence taxes, allowing small family businesses/farms to continue past the unexpected death of their founders. 7. Most important, it would put CONTROL back in the hands of the individual and open up the dark recesses of government spending manipulation to the light. 8. It would infuse a HUGE influx of capitol into the economy, lifting it to heights that would be unheard of under our present system...think about all the money presently held in offshore tax shelters coming back and actually being used to boost the economy....not to mention the fact that it would make the U.S. the most attractive place for foreign investors to put their capitol in the world. It would have the potential of wiping out our our national debt in a matter of months. Read H.R.25 and decide for yourself. If you give it honest thought and compare it to what we are bound by today, I feel confident that you will join in and contact your representatives to tell them that the time has come for REAL tax reform. Go to Amazon.com and get the Fair Tax book that explains the proposal and it's costs/benefits in plain language. The time to act is now.Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:29 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
August 03, 2005
Humor in Uniform
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:20 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Round-up
just to ease back into the groove of posting easily, I've decided to start off with a quick round-up of some things that you should read to get the old thought processes going.
First off, a post from the Emperor Misha of the Rottweiler Empire. As always, he gets right to the heart of the issue. I concur with him completely. Next comes this gem from my own better half, demonstrating the laziness of the MSM in covering the story. Like she says:"See how it works, people? And isn't it sad that it takes some old chick on dial-up on a busted office chair with nothing but a pig lamp for light to do this, while the journo-types get paid good money to turn out half-assed articles. And don't talk deadlines. I did this in an hour. Most deadlines are more lenient than that, unless one has been hiding in the lounge at the hotel for too long and cut themselves short." Next we have Kim du Toit's launching of something that every homeschooler should be interested in DidToday is THE resource that makes home schooling really practical and achievable for the masses. TNS of Bitter Rants has an idea for expanding the war on Terror...overloading the religious discussions of the Mullahs of the ROP by forcing them to have to issue fatwas against us all.All I have to say, while munching on a tasty BLT (heavy on the bacon), using my copy of the Queran as a leveling wedge on that short leg of my computer desk, and swilling a particularly tasty bottle of Poorter Ale, is WHERE IS MY fatwa? Acidman has a list of ten things that he Just WON'T DO. they sounded like a pretty good list to me. And last, Neal Boortz has a reply for a liar reviewing his book on the Fair Tax(H.R.25). The more I look into the Fair Tax, the more I am in favor of it. Study it for yourself, and if you are as agreeable to the idea as I am, contact your representatives and tell them to back it. We need this legislation to bring sanity back to our tax system, IMO. there are flaws, as in any system, but this is the most well thought out proposal to come down the pike in many a year. Thats it for now...I know none of it is original, but I hope it does provide you some food for thought. I'll try to get something of my own up soon. Seems absence of practice has made it harder to formulate thought in a coherant format, but I'm sure that I just need to flex those underused muscles a little to get back up to my mediocre level of opining. Once again, THANK YOU to all that have remained loyal readers through the recent troubles.
Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:02 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
AT LAST!
Just got the DSL connection back up and running full tilt, so I intend to get down and put up some posts and try to revive this moribund Blog. Thank you to all my readers that kept the faith and kept me going through this difficult period.
Let me do a little surfing and I'l come up with some posts a little later today.Posted by: Delftsman3 at 01:38 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
"Ode to the Spell Checker"
Courtesy of Strange Cosmos:
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew
Posted by: Delftsman3 at 01:34 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 29, 2005
New Heavan Admittance Policy
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
the Admittance Policy. The new law was that, in order to get into
Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day you died.
Heaven. The gatekeeper Angel, remembering the new policy, said to the man,
"Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going
when you died." "No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment
on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair - but her lover
was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife,
half naked, was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. "Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the
balcony and noticed a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!
The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his
fingers until he fell to the ground. Wouldn't you know it? He landed in some
trees and bushes that broke his fall, and he didn't die. Now in a rage, I
went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw
at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I
unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and tipped it over the
side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the
moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly." The Angel thought for a moment. Technically, even tho it was a
crime of passion, the guy did have a bad day, so the Angel announced, "Okay,
sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven!" and let him in. A few seconds later, the next arrival, to the Angel's surprise, was
Donald Trump! "Mr.Trump, before I can let you in, I need to
hear about what your day was like when you died." Trump said, "No problem - but you're not going to believe this. I
was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises.
I'd been under a lot of pressure, so I was really pushing hard to
relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and fell over the
side. Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the
balcony below mine, but, all of a sudden, this crazy man comes running out
of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well - of
course I fell! I hit some trees and bushes which broke my fall, so I didn't
die right away. As I'm lying there, face up on the ground, unable to
move and in excruciating pain, I see this lunatic push his refrigerator
- of all things! - off the balcony. It landed on top of me, killing me instantly." The Angel quietly laughed to himself as Trump finished his story
and thought "I could get used to this new policy!" "Very well," the
Angel announced. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he let Trump
enter.
A few seconds later, Bill Clinton arrived at the gate. The Angel
was almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war
poured through the Angel's head. Finally he said, "Mr. President, please - tell me what it was like the day you died."
Clinton said, "Okay. Picture this. I'm naked inside a refrigerator ... "
. . H/T to Jack
Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:24 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 28, 2005
DSL Update
Just got the word from SBC that the DSL line will become fully accessible on Tuesday, August 2nd. I sincerely hope that this will be the case, but as they have moved the date back twice already, I will just have to wait and see if they come through this time.
I am gratefull for all of you that have remained loyal in the face of no posting here for the last three weeks. I hope to come out strong as soon as I have the connection enableing me to do so....there is SO much to rant about lately, and it's been a real mental strain not having the outlet of this blog to release the pressure. See you next Tuesday!Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:49 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 19, 2005
Koran, MY Ass!
Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:47 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Moral Equivalence?
Time and again, I see in the press stories that try to equate the actions of murduring thugs with that of our troops fighting them. It's a breath of fresh air to read something like THIS.
It's about time that the Terrorist apologists in the press start to display some sense and show the real disparity in the actions of the Mooselimbs and our soldiers. Our soldiers aren't saints by any stretch of the imagination, especially when engaged in the heat of a battle, but the actions taken by PFC Tschiderer demonstrate that atrocitities are the rare exception rather than the rule; in direct reverse of the enemy we are engaged with. As Mr. Avlon put it: "Our troops may not be perfect — we are human beings at war, not angels in heaven — but there is no moral equivalence between terrorists who target innocent human life, and the soldiers of the civilized world who try to bind the wounds of those who have just tried to kill them in combat." Time and again, our troops have taken more causelties than they truly have needed to, because they follow strict ROE designed to protect the innocent as much as possible in a hot war zone. By contrast, the enemy we fight have targeted civilians as the MAIN option...after all, it's a lot safer for them to detonate a bomb among civilians than trying to engage troops in face to face battle.Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:25 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 14, 2005
MuHAMmed Gets New Bed
His most Magnificant Rottiness, Darth Misha 1 had a problem...it seems that his pet pig, MuHAMmed, had gotten too large to comfortably roam the halls of the Imperial Palace.
Well, our dear Emperor DOES have a crack staff of scientists, and they managed to shrink the Imperial Porcine down to a much more manageable size, but then there arose a new problem; where could poor MuHAMmed rest his Imperial snout? His old pad was now much too large. Our Emperor, ever the resourceful one, hit upon the perfect solution for a new resting place:
Posted by: Delftsman3 at 01:25 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 11, 2005
Joke of the Day
Two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane.
Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the
cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers
begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is
just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people
sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the
water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as
though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.
relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their
magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're
all gonna die." H/T to Jack
Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:33 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 10, 2005
hiat=us
two BOTH of my readers, I apologize. I've been offline since the 4th due to extreme poverty. I've gotten a temporary dial-up connection; but it's not good enough to be able to post too much. I hope to have DSL back by the end of next week.
Please go through the archives, and the fine folks in the blogroll. I'll be back ASAP with my twaddle.Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:07 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 04, 2005
The 4th
As an immigrant to this country, the 4th of July was always one of my favorite holidays. It's the birthday of the greatest country the world has ever seen. That makes it even sadder to see what we've done to her in the last twenty years or so. McCain-Feingold, the "real ID", the recent "takings" decision by the SCOTUS, the RICO act, and a myriad of other actions that we've allowed our government to engender is taking our freedoms one by one. Take this 4th to really THINK about what we are celebrating, and steel yourself to fighting the battle to take it back.
On a lighter note, I want to wish my father a happy 74th Birthday. He loves to tell the story of his 27th birthday. He had just moved his family the previous September to a new country, where he didn't know a soul, didn't know the language, and had no job waiting for him. What he DID have was a wife and two young children to support, and a dream of providing them a better life than they could have had in the Netherlands, which was still trying to recover from the ravages of WW11 at the time. When it got dark on that first 4th of July in his new homeland, the sky was lit up with a great display of fireworks. He thought they were celebratiog his birthday! WHAT A COUNTRY!Posted by: Delftsman3 at 12:12 PM | Comments (15) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
The 4th
As an immigrant to this country, the 4th of July was always one of my favorite holidays. It's the birthday of the greatest country the world has ever seen. That makes it even sadder to see what we've done to her in the last twenty years or so. McCain-Feingold, the "real ID", the recent "takings" decision by the SCOTUS, the RICO act, and a myriad of other actions that we've allowed our government to engender is taking our freedoms one by one. Take this 4th to really THINK about what we are celebrating, and steel yourself to fighting the battle to take it back.
On a lighter note, I want to wish my father a happy 74th Birthday. He loves to tell the story of his 27th birthday. He had just moved his family the previous September to a new country, where he didn't know a soul, didn't know the language, and had no job waiting for him. What he DID have was a wife and two young children to support, and a dream of providing them a better life than they could have had in the Netherlands, which was still trying to recover from the ravages of WW11 at the time. When it got dark on that first 4th of July in his new homeland, the sky was lit up with a great display of fireworks. He thought they were celebratiog his birthday! WHAT A COUNTRY!Posted by: Delftsman3 at 12:12 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Whoo NASA!
Nasa gave us a fantastic fireworks show with the Deep Impact Project.
This whole project was akin to trying to hit a speeding bullet with another bullet, all by remote control from the other side of the world. They carried it out with flawless precision. Here are two views taken from the delivery vehicle:
Here is an image of the colision as seen from an Earth orbiting telescope:
Posted by: Delftsman3 at 11:32 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 03, 2005
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY
Posted by: Delftsman3 at 11:02 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
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