Ted's Diet Plan

Euphemistically, I'm big boned, hefty, cuddly, a teddy bear, healthy, a big guy, and circumferentially overachieving. I'm in shape, because round is a shape. I have the body of a god - Buddha. I'm currently on a diet. Actually, I'm on two diets, because one alone just wasn't giving me enough to eat. I'm well on my way to a career as a professional sumo wrestler. I'm thinking my sumo name would be Yomama - catchy, eh?

Realistically, I need to lose weight. I've needed to lose weight practically my entire life. Partly because I have the metabolism of a rock, and partly because I have a mostly desk-bound job and I love to eat. So it's not at all a mystery why I'm in the shape I'm in.

I'm not terribly unhealthy. My blood pressure is fine, so's my cholesterol. It doesn't kill me to climb a flight of stairs, and I don't think twice if I have to walk a mile or more to fetch a rocket.

Nobody knows more about diet and nutrition than a fat man in the military. You practically earn a degree on it as Uncle Sam counsels you and educates you. So I've seen a diet or two or twenty. Atkins is only the latest craze.

Low-fat. High-acid. Low-carb. Whatever. Here's my plan. It's called low-swallow. I'm going to quit eating so damn much. And I'm going to work up a sweat more often. Simple plan, now all I have to do is stick to it. And like anything else, now that I've announced it in my little corner of the universe, y'all can encourage me and make fun of me when I stumble. Go ahead, we're jolly you know.

Posted by: Ted at 09:27 AM

Comments

1 Just so you stay cuddly....

Posted by: Susie at December 28, 2003 09:57 AM (0+cMc)

2 Dude, that's exactly the plan I'm on, and I'm still forty pounds down (as of yesterday) from my weight about three years ago. It's the best way I've found to lose weight.

And if you find yourself falling off the wagon, we'll sic Heather's muscles on ya.

Posted by: Victor at December 28, 2003 01:50 PM (16A49)

3 Good luck on losing the weight, although I don't think you need to and I'm sure your wife doesn't either. Well, the fact that all the beef may be contaminated with Mad cow Disease is probably a good start to you cutting down on fatty foods. Let us know about your progress. Oh, and I've sent you an e-mail about something else.

Posted by: tasberry at December 28, 2003 03:10 PM (fuWw9)

4 Good luck with it, Ted. Sounds like a sensible approach.
My uncle was telling me last night about a co-worker whose wife put him on a diet. He was moaning and groaning all morning that it was going to kill him, he was miserable, etc, etc. Finally someone asked how long he'd been on it. His answer: since breakfast. :-)

Posted by: nic at December 28, 2003 08:47 PM (16A49)

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