Rocket Jones

April 05, 2005

Turning the double play

Over at Frinklin Speaks, we're treated to two funny links:

Superman is a Dick

The Old Negro Space Program (a film not by Ken Burns)

Just what I needed this morning.

Posted by: Ted at 04:59 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

April 04, 2005

Bad Surprises

Tomorrow we dip into savings for a new washing machine. I ran a load this evening and when I went down to the basement to swap it into the dryer I found our entire bottom level a shallow puddle.

Judging from the black ooze that came out from under the washer and the fact that the agitator is frozen in place, I think the clutch or motor seized early on and the beastie just kept chugging through the wash/rinse/spin cycles, turning belts and bearings into so much sludge.

It took Mookie, Mom and I about a half hour to get the water up (thank goodness for heavy-duty carpet cleaners!) and reasonably dried out. Of course, our son managed to leave every blanket and sheet on his bed dangling onto the floor, save one. Oh frickin' well, looks like he'll be cold for a few nights. Maybe it'll teach him to pick his crap up like he's supposed to.

Probably what annoys me most is that it didn't start to smell like burning or make any odd sounds, so it had plenty of time to dump that entire cycle of water out onto the floor. Bah.

Posted by: Ted at 09:26 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Rice Cake?

This morning on the way to work I heard that song Short Skirt, Long Jacket by the group Cake. It's been quite a while since I've heard it, and this time, what came to mind was that photo of Condoleeza Rice in her duster and knee boots.

Oh, this explains it.

Posted by: Ted at 06:10 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

New Banner Contest

If you've visited Rocket Jones more than a couple of times you've noticed that the banner at the top of the page changes every week or so. It's nothing automatic, I just switch it when I think of it.

I also add new banners every once in a while, and they all go into my queue and make their way back to the top in time. Derek said it best, "you can never have too many banners." He's an artist, so consider that expert testimony.

Here's your chance to be creative. Design a banner for Rocket Jones. Drawing, painting, photography, simple, complex, I don't care. Enter as many as you'd like. Even if all you can do is stick figures, as long as it's done with charm, it's fine with me.

Sometime in the near future I'll put 'em all up and we'll have a vote on the favorite and I'll come up with some sort of actual prize, but probably all of them will make it into the banner rotation.

Guidelines are simple:

  • keep the width to about 500 pixels maximum

  • keep the height to about 300 - 325 pixels maximum

  • naughty is ok, vulgar is not

Other than that, well, wow me.

I've displayed several of the current Rocket Jones banners in the extended entry to give you an idea about what's already been done. I'd love to see entries unlike anything ever seen on b-b-b-broadway!*

*Reference for the hardcore Zappa fan.

Posted by: Ted at 04:56 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

April 03, 2005

Rob is wise, you should listen to Rob

Rob said that Springtime doesn't officially come to DC until the manhole covers start to explode.

He's right.

Posted by: Ted at 07:41 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Building a simple but unusual rocket

I’m going to show you how to turn an ordinary badminton birdie into a real launchable rocket. These are easy to make and bigtime fun to fly, plus they don't go so high that you'll lose it.

Best of all, they fly on Estes "mini" motors. You can find these in the toy department at WalMart, and a pack of four will cost around five bucks. You're going to need one to help you construct the rocket, so pick up a pack before you start. Look for motors labeled A10-3T or A3-4T, they'll be a little less than 3" long and about one half inch in diameter (pinky sized).

If you need more information about rocketry, check out my Rocketry archives, there's lots there, plus links to even more.

I'm going to assume that you have a launch pad and controller. The ones that come with Estes or Quest starter kits work fine. Starter sets are cheap, include everything you need and the value is very good.

And finally, just to prove I'm not a complete loon, here's the original plans for the birdie rocket as it originally appeared as an Estes rocket kit.

(in the extended entry)

Posted by: Ted at 10:31 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Now I'm kinda glad I didn't

A couple of months ago I had this killer idea for completely redesigning Rocket Jones for one day only - April Fools day. Apparently several others did too.

Fortunately, I got too busy to even make a start on it, so I don't look like some kind of predictable lemming.

Posted by: Ted at 09:56 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

April 02, 2005

Plenty of scumbaggery to go around it seems

Via Sarah, I see where the poor saintly parents of Terri Schaivo have agreed to sell the list of names of everyone who supported their cause to a direct-mailing company.

Assholes.

Posted by: Ted at 08:23 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

I see a new PC in my near future

Mookie came downstairs the other night while I was at my computer and said that my monitor was *really* blurry.

I hadn't noticed, but she's right. I think it's getting worse too.

Posted by: Ted at 08:07 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Funny Stuff, and now he's gone

Mitch Hedberg passed away. You can find more at The Ministry of Minor Perfidy, but for now I'll just leave you with some of his jokes that I shamelessly stole from the Ministry. They had me laughing out loud.

I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn’t grow shit.

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It’s a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

I had a stick of Carefree gum, but it didn’t work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. “Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Boy, you really like Tide.”

I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That’s a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.

I type a 101 words a minute. But it’s in my own language.

I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.

I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said “I hear music.” As if there’s any other way to take it in.

At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said “Certainly.” He said “Do I need to dial 9?” I say “Yeah. Especially if it’s in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick.”

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn’t come in real handy when you’re gambling. “Come on, four billion! Fuck. Seven. I need more dice.”

I love blackjack. But I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

I don’t own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time.

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

The thing about tennis is: no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They’re fucking relentless.

I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don’t know why, that’s what they’re supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed.

Posted by: Ted at 08:03 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Gauging Interest

Our local minor league baseball team is the Prince William Cannons recently renamed Potomac Nationals (Carolina League - A level). My wife and I are planning on attending several evening games this season.

Would anyone be interested in attending a game as a group? They have Saturday night games with fireworks afterwards, and I believe we can get discounts and/or set up a picnic for groups of 20 or more.

If this sounds like something you'd like to do, leave a comment and/or drop me an email. If you'd just like to hook up for a game some evening, that'd be cool too.

Potomac Nationals home page
Map showing directions to the ballpark

Posted by: Ted at 09:36 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

More hockey oddness

I know that I had a Hockey Whoopass Jamboree game yesterday, yet the AHL website comes up "not found". Guess I'll have to Google the results...

Ah yes, my Cleveland Barons whupped all over the Rochester Americans. This was the Barons' first win in seven tries this season against the Amercs.

Posted by: Ted at 09:20 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Dali inspired sports equipment

Those crazy Buffalo Sabres are at it again, trying to save hockey by being all innovative. This time, they're proposing a rounded net that increases the target area by 13%.

rounded net

It's odd looking, and I'm not sure what I think of it. I like the idea of making it harder for a goalie to completely shut down the angle by hugging the post. But still, to my mind, why not just make the goalie pads smaller?

An observation about that picture: the goalie is an employee of the Sabres organization and to me appears to be a rather smallish man. Modern goalies are big tall guys who absolutely fill the net, so that illustration looks to be a little overstated about the effect of the change.

Posted by: Ted at 09:05 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

To those who clicked that button yesterday

They didn't reach their goal at the comment-a-thon for Breast Cancer yesterday, but the important thing is the effort. Thanks everyone, it's appreciated.

Posted by: Ted at 08:53 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

April 01, 2005

Today is the day

Please click on the pink button at the top right corner of this page. Go there and leave a comment. It's easy and it'll do some good, and this ol' world could use all the good we can dish out.

Pass the word too. This is a one-day comment-a-thon.

Thanks.

(this post will remain at the top of the page all day, scroll down for new postings)

Posted by: Ted at 11:59 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Satan has Martha Stewart on speed dial

In 2000 an animated series aired for about three episodes before being yanked from the schedule due to intense pressure from religious groups.

Maybe you saw it. God, the Devil, and Bob.

God and the Devil

The premise is explained in a short clip at the start of every show. God is thinking that maybe he should start over, but being a benevolent God, he decides to let one person convince him that humanity is worth saving. In a sporting gesture, God lets the Devil pick the person.

Meet Bob. Bob works for a Detroit automaker. He is everyman. A family man with a young son and rebelious teen daughter. His wife is trying to go back to college and they're doing ok. Not great, but ok. Bob definitely has his human foibles.

As God puts it, "I wouldn't go making any long-term plans."

Except that Bob manages to convince God that humanity is worth saving, and the series goes from there.

This series is wonderful. Despite the objections from the fire-and-brimstone fundamentalists, God as depicted here is loving and mysterious and unfathomable and immediate.

Probably the single biggest objection was the way God is portrayed. Voiced by James Garner, God looks a lot like Jerry Garcia from the Grateful Dead. If the circumstances call for it, God will wear a baseball cap and sunglasses. He's been known to hoist a beer on occasion.

Most of the time, God is only visible to Bob. And Bob is trying to wrap his mind around the consequences of being God's chosen one. At first Bob thinks his job is to be a prophet ("that's what prophets do: draw a crowd and shout at people"), and in one episode comes to believe that he's invincible. For a thrill he goes skydiving without a parachute. God shows up on the way down and disabuses him of that notion ("Bob, haven't you ever heard of dumb luck?"). God is not mocked, but organized religion is.

Not unexpectedly, some Christians were up in arms:

Another segment of the show was a direct attack on those preaching the gospel. Bob goes to a preacher, who is naked and smoking a cigar, while getting a massage from a blonde whose cleavage was ready to fall out of her dress. -- George Whitten, editor of Worthy News.

More correctly, Bob went to a televangelist from the God Network (the sign out front reads "formerly UPN" *snicker*) and pitched his idea for a new show about talking to God. Bob was thrown out when the televangelist found out his idea wasn't designed to make money. As for the massage, cleavage and money-grubbing TV preacher, well, that was about the most realistic part of the show as far as I'm concerned.

Now the third side to this triangle is the Devil (voiced by Alan Cumming), and he's a treat. His character makes me think of Felix Unger if he were played by David Niven, with a healthy dollop of wicked in the mix. God and the Devil are on speaking terms, and the relationship mostly seems to be the Devil scheming while God keeps half an eye on things.

The Devil tempts Bob mightily ("I'm Evil, Bob, it's what I do"). In one hilarious episode, Bob blows off the Devil once too often and the Devil retaliates by dating Bob's daughter. In another, the Devil decides to redecorate Hell and calls on Martha Stewart to manage the job. He gets distracted by something on Earth and she takes over for a while.

Satan's sidekick is a little demon named Smeck. He's the administrator of Hell and gets nervous when the Devil goes off on a tangent. He's happiest when the Devil is doing what he's supposed to be doing, namely, raising hell.

The idea behind the show was not to be disrespectful towards God and religion. There is a theologian listed in the credits, a Catholic priest I believe.

Still, I can see why this show had so many people upset. If you'd rather believe in the Old Testament God, then this depiction is not for you. On the other hand, the stories consistently show a strong family relationship that succeeds despite the very human flaws that we all possess.

God, the Devil, and Bob is available on a two-disk DVD set that has the entire (mostly unseen) first season. Well worth it if you can deal with the subject.

Posted by: Ted at 09:12 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Bread

The bread machine has been getting a workout lately. I made my first loaf of rye the other day and everyone agrees that it's good but a tad too subtle. The next loaf will have more rye flour in the mix. Not that it seemed to matter, there was only one slice left this morning, and we're not a big bread-eatin' family.

Last night the house smelled of cinammon as some raisin bread baked. A thick slab of that toasted and slathered with butter made for a fine breakfast.

Bread machines. Another easy way to appreciate the simple things that make you happy.

Posted by: Ted at 06:10 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Carnival of the Recipes is up!

Over at Munuviana's own TexasBestGrok, JohnL has assembled a Heinlein quote-filled buffet for this week's Carnival.

Posted by: Ted at 06:02 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 31, 2005

Yes, I've been playing with the banners

I've got a couple of new ones and some ideas I'm working on.

Posted by: Ted at 09:21 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Free Association

Seen on the back of a Vlasic pickle jar:

"There's always time for a dill moment"

First thought that popped into my head: "Yeah, just before becoming a Darwin Award nominee."

Posted by: Ted at 11:56 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

<< Page 86 >>

Processing 0.01, elapsed 0.382 seconds.
37 queries taking 0.3758 seconds, 71 records returned.
Page size 48 kb.
Powered by Minx 0.8 beta.