September 15, 2003
New Blog Showcase
Daniel has an entry in the latest showcase, and it's a good one! Well, until the thin air of Mile High gets to him at the end.
Posted by: Ted at 07:11 PM | Comments (56) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Hola Amigos y Amigas
Yep, I've not been posting like I normally do. You may remember that on friday last I mentioned coming down with a cold, and the sinus pressure being so bad that my teeth hurt. Well, it wasn't sinus pressure. I went to the dentist this morning on an emergency basis, it turns out that I've got a cracked molar and it got infected. The whole side of my face is swollen. So I've been prowling around like a grouchy bear, sleeping 20 minutes at a time and eating nothing but the occasional bowl of soup. This morning the dentist couldn't even extract the broken tooth because the swelling is so severe, so I'm on antibiotics and hopefully (Isabel willing) I can have it taken out friday afternoon.
On the plus side, my wife has taken very good care of me during all of this, and this new dentist I went to today is a real cutie. My old dentist sold his practice and moved to Florida - rat bastard. On the down side, according to all the weather reports, when you see the projected path of Isabel, the 'most likely' line passes right over my area. It's still a few days out, but we've already started doing a few little things like making sure all the flashlights have batteries and filling the BBQ propane tank. So that's what's been happening in my world. I'm back and getting better, but don't ask me about it in person, because I'm still a day or two away from actually being able to speak. I've been told though that it's real entertaining watching me try.Posted by: Ted at 06:58 PM | Comments (59) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
September 14, 2003
Homosexual Agenda
We've all heard about it, now we can finally see it for ourselves, laid out in black and white. From a column in the San Francisco Chronicle, via IndecisionGirl.
Homosexual Agenda6 a.m. Gym.
8 a.m. Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites).
9 a.m. Hair appointment.
10 a.m. Shopping (preferably at Neiman Marcus or Nordstrom).
11 a.m. Brunch.
2 p.m. Assume complete control of the federal, state and local governments.
Destroy Christian marriage. Replace all school counselors in grades K-12
with militant recruiters for the homosexual lifestyle. Bulldoze all houses
of worship or redecorate them as discos. Secure total control of the
Internet and all mass media. Be utterly fabulous!
2:30 p.m. Get 40 winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from the
stress of world conquest; aromatherapy.
4 p.m. Cocktails.
6 p.m. Light dinner (soup, salad [arugula with balsamic vinegar dressing],
Chardonnay).
8 p.m. Theater.
10:30 p.m. Cocktails in a charming neighborhood bistro.
Midnight. Bed (du jour). There it is. Decide for yourself.
Posted by: Ted at 11:21 AM | Comments (58) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Science for the sake of science
Here are some interesting experiments that you may have thought of, but never bothered to do.
Strawberry Pop Tarts. Incendiary devices. Why not both in one handy foil pouch? The T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. Project. They even post the results of their tests in haiku. From this page: "Ordinary grapes, when properly prepared and microwaved, spark impressively in an extremely entertaining manner."Isn’t that what life is all about? Funny things to do with your microwave. Kids, don’t do this without parental supervision and permission. Mookie, the answer is no. More stupid microwave games. And you thought the only fun stuff in the kitchen was in the knife drawer.
Posted by: Ted at 11:06 AM | Comments (59) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Happy birthday Jennifer
Have a wonderful day, Jen!
Posted by: Ted at 07:53 AM | Comments (62) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
September 13, 2003
Rocket Jones' Great Random Google Junket
Without further ado:
Today's words were ashtray (suggested by Starhawk), dartboard (suggested by Gebiv - no URL), pimp (suggested by Mookie), and staplegun (suggested by Tuning Spork). Staple gun - according to Google - is two words, so that's what I used. Here we go. 1. Ashtray + dartboard + staple gunTwo entries of note (actually, there were only two), a list of money-making ideas, and a bunch of polls. Mmmmm, haggis! Pimp didn't lend itself well to multiple word searches, so I did it one at a time with the other words. 2. pimp + ashtray
Phat Pimp Clothing. And other assorted useless things for sale. 3. pimp + dartboard
Pimp & Ho dart team. There's something very fruedian going on here. 4. pimp + staple gun
A short story titled Massage Parlor Murder. I just skimmed it, but I don't think it's porn. That doesn't mean it's any good. Then again, it doesn't mean it's not. And finally, a little teaser from part of tomorrow's list: 5. Snorkel + Nyquil
Check out IndecisionGirl. It's a pretty fun read, but it looks like she's lost interest in her blog. There ya go. Suggest words, get links up the wazoo. Don't suggest words, and get a lynx up the wazoo.
Posted by: Ted at 09:07 PM | Comments (64) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Get thee away temptress!
I always wanted to write that. Speaking that would be another matter, because if the situation ever did come up, I'd cave in nothing flat and give in to temptation. Just something for my lovely lady visitors to mentally file away.
While I'm waitingPosted by: Ted at 03:36 PM | Comments (58) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Summer Cold
Ok, I got it from my wife, who got it from Mookie. As Rachel Lucas would say, Mookie is double-plus ungood. She'd also say that Mookie is no longer my precioussssss. I'm ornery, so I say Mookie is out of the will. This basically means that she won't have to pick up her share of the funeral expenses, because I plan to die broke but happy. I'm well on my way to achieving my goal.
Between the weather front sitting over the top of the area, and my stuffed up head, the sinus pressure is making my teeth hurt, and every time I blow my nose it feels like my eyeballs are going to pop out of my skull. If that happens, I promise pictures. Don't forget to leave your word entries for the Google game. Susie has suggested a great name, but it's not final yet, so everything will be considered. Update: despite the vicious attack on my character by Susie, I've linked her now and can only apologize for forgetting to do so in my medicine-fogged state.Posted by: Ted at 09:16 AM | Comments (65) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Secret Agent Man
"They've given you a number, and taken away your name."
Sorry. Old song, recently redone I think. They're everywhere nowadays, but what the heck are they saying? It's like some super secret code or something. More than you've ever wanted to know about UPC's and barcodes. Well, maybe not. Gotta run, my shoe is ringing.Posted by: Ted at 08:41 AM | Comments (57) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
September 12, 2003
Game Results
This worked out pretty good people! I got three quick entries from Victor, Jennifer and StMack, and then Tuning Spork chipped in with a fourth.
If you have no idea what this game is about, check the rules here. You'll notice that I changed things a little bit to work better. Today's words: Victor: coelacanth (google insisted it was spelled this way Victor)Jennifer: amaretto
StMack: elastic
Tuning Spork: camera 1. Coelacanth + amaretto
Only one site was found for this combo, and it asked a bunch of weird questions. My favorite is “What are looser than normal in a double-jointed person?” I’d guess morals, but that’s just me being hopeful. 2. Coelacanth + elastic
From the first site hit:
Tokyo, January 19, 2001 -- Mitsubishi Heavy Industries, Ltd. (MHI), has started production of the world's first, radio-controlled lifelike robotic fish to be made available on the market, dubbed "Mitsubishi Animatronics." The animatronic device is in the likeness of a coelacanth, an ancient fish called a "living fossil." MHI is creating the lifelike creature in the hopes of marketing it and similar animatronic system to amusement parks and aquariums. When Chucky Cheese gets stale, you just trot out the prehistoric fish robot. Be still my heart. 3. elastic + amaretto
Wow. An online bartender guide comes up first on the list, with a recipe for a drink called the:
This one is... uh... interesting. Very avant-garde. Interesting. Uh... yeah. 5. camera + elastic + amaretto
This combo brings up a promotional marketing site. Besides corporate-logo’d frisbees and paper clip holders, you can get see-thru cameras, ball on an elastic string (a popular seller I’m sure), and the dreaded non-alcoholic amaretto-flavored truffles. There you have it. Pretty good I think, so keep the words coming! Now, about the title, I've come up with a few names, but they're pretty uninspired I think. Let's hear your suggestions. 'Googling Gone Wild'
'Rorshach was a piker'
'Buckaroo Bill's Barnacle Bondage Roundup' [sorry - wrong game]
'Under Google's Basement Steps'
Posted by: Ted at 10:29 PM | Comments (66) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
New game
Time for a little group participation game, inspired by reading about wierdness other bloggers find in their search engine stats.
Here's the rules: In the comments, post a word. Any word. The first thing that comes to mind. Don't even look at what other words folks have suggested first, just let it be random. At the end of the day, I'll put all the words together into a search string and post the results - maybe the first three pages it hits. Keep it reasonably clean. Wow, first the Virtual Jennifer Map and now this. How come I'm not rich yet? Oh yeah, we need a snazzy name for this game!Posted by: Ted at 06:07 PM | Comments (64) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Blogs go corporate
The Washington Post has an interesting article about blogs.
One theory tossed around at the New Media Society event Tuesday night was that e-mail marketing is dead and business blogs are rising up as the replacement. While the medium may not be in its grave yet, powerful spam filters that block out corporate e-mails have certainly limited its effectiveness. But some proponents of blogging say the new business-development tool can succeed in ways e-mail never could. "I don't think e-mail is dead. I don't think it's any more difficult than it was two years ago; I just don't think it was ever that effective." Spam is spam. At least if you blog spam, I can avoid it. The article is full of good information, you should go check it out.Posted by: Ted at 01:59 PM | Comments (59) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Ripple Fire
Mookie rearranged the kitchen drawers a while back, and her 'system' reminds me of Radar's on M*A*S*H - "That goes under 'D' for 'doesn't explode'". We have one drawer with spatula's and other wide scrapey things. Like the pizza cutter. And the bread knife. After using it, I have to admit that her system works rather well.
File this one under ‘Delusional’. I heard someone on the radio actually say that Washington Redskin running backs Ledell Betts and Trung Canidate would be the next "Csonka and Kiick". That idiot needs therapy or a urinalysis test, pronto. In the ‘Globalization Bastards’ department, Krispy Kreme donuts has announced plans to open outlets in Wal-Mart stores. It’s typical of big business to ignore the harm that their practices cause to children. I mean, what are those annoying little kids going to do now for fundraisers? Our weekend weather forcast has completely gone to hell thanks to the remnants of tropical storm Henri. With a name like that, are we surprised by how this turned out? He just kept hanging around doing nothing much at all. Then, ignored and irrelevant, he decides to screw things up for everyone. Someone at the National Weather Service should lose their job over this, because if they'd have just named it Hank, he'd have shown up, done his thing, and been outta here. Here’s something else that’s been bothering me. Why do anarchists have a logo? Doesn't that kinda go against the premise? Someone who finds commonality between unrelated concepts is called a 'synergist', right? For instance, puppies are full of energy, and we buy energy drinks, so Glenn is a synergist for recognizing the potential of combining the two. Likewise, I am a synergist for combining the idea of the World Mind Map with Bill's demand for cheesecake from Jennifer. I feel so smart. Unless that's not the right term, in which case you can just mentally replace every 'synergist' with the correct word in what I wrote above. Then you can feel smart. And if you really want to feel smart, read about this guy. Unless you already will. How to Shower Like a Woman1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way,cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs
12. Turn off shower
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. How To Shower Like a Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face
6. Wash your armpits
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
19. Throw wet towel on floor There you have it. Guys take more steps to take a shower. It is therefore the superior method. “Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.” – Tim Allen Update: Oldest daughter Robyn loves all things Tinkerbell. Hey sweetie, go check out Flitting Here & There - the adventures of one called 'Tink'. (hint to the guys: undo the top couple buttons of your shirt first.)
Posted by: Ted at 12:26 PM | Comments (62) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Home to roost
"If you liked the California energy crisis, then you'll love Kyoto." -- B.F. Skinner
America took a lot of heat for unilaterally deciding not to join in with the Kyoto accords. This was a more honest position than many countries took, because some signatories had no intention of compliance. Others counted on accounting tricks and the closing of already-obsolete factories to achieve their goals. Others are finding out what the true cost of compliance is (see note below). The choice is clear. Should they continue to implement the policies despite the negative impact, or decide that the burden is just too onerous? If they do decide to scrap Kyoto, a new set of choices presents itself, none of which look very appealing. Will they have the courage to break cleanly from Kyoto, or will they try to let it wither away quietly? Either way, I don't think the environmentalists nor the EU will let anyone back out without raising a stink. I'm glad we said 'no' right up front. Lumps taken. Moving on. Thanks to Random Nuclear Strikes for the pointer. Note: Live from Brussels is on blog*spot, so if the link doesn't work, scroll down to "I Love It When That Happens..."Posted by: Ted at 12:14 PM | Comments (57) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
September 11, 2003
A different kind of countdown
This insignia was officially adopted by the United States Air Force and was displayed on at least one aircraft from each squadron until September 11, 2002 in honor of the American Spirit.
View imagePosted by: Ted at 11:56 PM | Comments (57) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
McScrew You Osama
I had lunch at McDonalds today. It just seemed like the right thing to do.
Posted by: Ted at 06:23 PM | Comments (54) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Reason for optimism
Yesterday a video tape featuring Osama Bin Laden was released and displayed by the Aljazeera network. I’m sure this is causing much teeth gnashing and wailing among certain quarters, as well as joy and smugness in others. The timing of this tape was carefully planned, yet once again these terrorists have misplayed their cards.
I, for one, am glad for the reminder. I remember that Bin Laden has been in hiding for most of the last two years, to the point where his being seen on video is remarkable. I’m reminded that he’s been reduced to leaflets and occasional internet postings attributed to him. His voice heard on infrequent audio tapes is newsworthy. I’m reminded that he stood arrogantly in his fortress Afghanistan and mocked the United States and her people, and now the regime that harbored him is no more. The people of that country are rebuilding themselves while struggling to distance themselves from the madness of his radical Islam. I’m reminded that terrorist networks and financial dealings all over the world have been heavily interdicted. Muslim countries have realized the danger as bombs destroyed their fantasy that the terrorists were strictly anti-western. The terrorists are anti-everything except themselves. I’m reminded that a disinterested American populace has come together and drawn strength from each other. That strength and resolve has been used to topple yet another despot. And when American soldiers marched into that country, the people there cheered and celebrated their freedom. I honor the memory of those murdered on 9/11/01 in the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and that field in Pennsylvania. I honor the memory of those murdered in Bali, and those killed arresting the terrorists in Pakistan, and those killed by other bombs and attacks all over the world. I honor our soldiers, and those of our many allies. I also celebrate the courage and strength of those who lived through that day, who directly assisted or indirectly helped in whatever way they could. I honor the policemen, firemen, rescue workers and ambulance drivers, the doctors and nurses, heroes all regardless of nationality or language spoken, that pitch in to right the wrongs inflicted by terrorism wherever it happens. To those who think we should get over it, I suggest that you should think about the message intended by this latest Bin Laden tape. They hope to intimidate America with their bluster, but the desperation of their situation comes through despite their threatening words. Since that day two years ago, they’ve scurried into the dark corners of the world, afraid to openly show themselves for fear of eradication. They talk the talk, but Uncle Sam and his Allies have walked the walk. This tape was to remind us that we’re supposed to be scared. I’m reminded that we’re not done winning this war yet.Posted by: Ted at 12:08 PM | Comments (62) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Images
If you're not interested in (mostly) American symbols of patriotism and remembrance of this day, then please scroll past this message. For those who are still reading, below is a collection of 31 different images relating to 9/11, celebrating 'western' values and the American spirit. There are at least a couple that could be described as international in nature.
If you'd like to put one of these on your blog or website, go for it. In fact, I encourage it*. Tell your friends too. The images are in the extended entry, click it to see them. * I'm the collector only, none of these images are mine. Some are copyrighted, and should be used unaltered except for size.Posted by: Ted at 12:00 PM | Comments (59) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Pentagon Memorial
Only because it was so much more immediate in my life, I'm tending to focus more on the Pentagon today.
Here is a site about the proposed Pentagon Memorial. I was especially moved by the description of the memorial. Damn, they did a fine job with the design. Thanks to Dean Esmay for the link.Posted by: Ted at 10:28 AM | Comments (62) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Rising to the challenge
America has been challenged once again, this time by terrorism. Our response this time, like every time before, is to rise up and meet the challenge. Like Japan after Pearl Harbor and the Soviet Union during the Space Race, the terrorists are being met with a national determination not expected when they threw down the gauntlet.
Since rockets are what gets me going, I’m going to describe in some detail what we as a nation accomplished when we went to the moon. This is going to concentrate on the actual hardware, to give you an idea of the complexity and ingenuity involved. Links to reference sources are located at the end.Posted by: Ted at 08:32 AM | Comments (56) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
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