April 10, 2004

Air Force Blue (part 10)

Other bits and pieces of my life can be found under the Boring Stories and Seriously categories.

I don’t remember exactly how we got invited to the party, but it was some sort of semi-official function. There were four Canadian exchange officers there, and one of them was in full piper kit. Since I love the bagpipes, I got to talking to them, and we all hit it off pretty well. Being young and enlisted, my roommate and I drank way more than we should have, and the Canucks matched us drink for drink. We got a lot of disapproving stares from the other guests because other than us, it was a rather reserved crowd.

It was around midnight when we left the party. My roommate and I went to the Visiting Officers Quarters (VOQ) with the Canadians and we continued the party there. They broke out bottles of Meyer’s Spiced Rum and we kept right on drinking. Sometime after 1am we got thrown out of VOQ for marching up and down the hallway singing filthy drinking songs and being generally disruptive.

Since the night was still young, the Canucks accompanied us to our dorm, and that’s when things got really fun. We got there, and suddenly our new friends got wildly enthusiastic, because we had a pool table. They started to tell us about a game they played called Crud.

Between the rum and the fact that this all happened some 20 years ago, I’ll try to describe the game. It was fun as hell, but that may just be because we were all drunk.

Ok, first off, to play Crud you only use two of the balls: the cue ball and the 8-ball. Cue sticks are not used. So far, so good.

The object is to use the cue ball to knock the 8-ball into a pocket. That scores a point. Likewise, if the 8-ball stops moving before you hit it with the cue ball, the other team scores a point. The main rule is that the 8-ball cannot stop rolling. You hit the 8-ball with the cue ball (trying to get it into the pocket), and then the other team has to grab the cue ball and they have to hit the 8-ball, then it’s your teammate’s turn, followed by the other team’s second player, and so on. And that brings up the other main rule, the so-called “ball” line. One end of the table is where all cue balls have to be rolled from, but only after your balls (testicles) are behind that end of the table.

Body blocks are allowed, but only by putting both hands on the table and sticking your ass out there. It’s not considered sporting to trip someone.

Sounds pretty sedate, huh? There is no ‘scratch’. If the cue ball leaves the table, you have to run and fetch it, then get back behind the “ball” line before you can take your turn, and all before the 8-ball stops rolling. What happens in practice is that quite often you’re snagging the cue on the bounce, then diving back across the line while sidearming that cue ball back at the table.

That’s how we wound up putting the cue ball through the front of the coke machine. Twice. No bones were broken, but there were plenty of bruises administered, and around 4am someone called the base cops on us, and our evening ended.

I never did get to play Crud again because it was specifically banned in the dorm. Supposedly, there were Crud tables in Winnipeg bars, complete with chicken wire enclosures. I never saw any, but when we went to Winnipeg, it was for CFL games (go Blue Bombers!) and horse racing at Assiniboia Downs, so we didn’t do much bar-hopping in Manitoba.

Posted by: Ted at 04:31 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Someone got paid to think of this

Which doesn't bother me nearly as much as knowing that someone else in charge thought it was a fine idea.

(in the extended entry)

Posted by: Ted at 01:02 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

April 09, 2004

Mucho Gracias

I posted something a couple of days ago crowing about myself, and ended with this line:

We now return to our modest and self-depreciating self.

I'd just like to thank everyone who didn't point and laugh at me for not using the correct phrase "self-deprecating".

Bragging on yourself is bad enough, but to say something stoopid while doing it is downright embarrassing. Mmmm, foot. The other white meat.

Posted by: Ted at 10:03 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 We noticed it but let it go. Y? Because we like you!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at April 09, 2004 10:47 PM (zjTJc)

2 We printed a mistake in our daily convention newspaper (no big deal, just omitted a number in a suite -- we put 407 instead of 4007). So the CEO went nuts and printed up signs that he taped in all the elevators to say that the number was printed wrong in the program book (we didn't do the fucking program book). It's like misspelling the word "mistake" when you're trying to correct yourself, but at least you corrected yourself beautifully on the first try.

Posted by: Dawn at April 10, 2004 11:04 PM (TcGTg)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Chrome

Forget pink and purple paisleys

Little mellow yellow daisies

Ain't no pot of gold

In her rainbow

Her favorite color is chrome

Trace Adkins

Now that is pole-dancing music, country-style.

Posted by: Ted at 12:04 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Up

Beautiful pictures of yesterday's test of Burt Rutan's SpaceShipOne. Thanks to RocketForge for the pointer.

Update: Transterrestrial Musings has more on the story too, with links.

Posted by: Ted at 11:55 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Eastery Greetings

Rabbits invented hip-hop.

Posted by: Ted at 05:42 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

April 08, 2004

More Students and Rockets Stuff

The Team America Rocket Challenge (TARC) requires that each participating team of students make a qualification flight. The top 100 teams are invited to the finals to be held in Virginia in May. You can check the links to see details, suffice it to say that this is not an easy contest, but the prizes are great (grants, scholarships, and educational opportunities sponsored by the Aerospace Industries Association and NASA).

A key point is that the students are entirely responsible for the design, construction, prep, flight and recovery of the rocket. Teachers and mentors are for advice only. No hands-on by adults is allowed.

Last year, the team of high school students I mentored barely missed the finals, coming in 111th out of over 900 teams entered from across the US.

This year's contest is even bigger, and the team is even more determined to make the finals. There’s only one student left from last year, and they’ve been working hard. They built two rockets, one a clone of last year’s design, and the second incorporates some ‘advanced’ technology like fiberglass fins and better aerodynamics. They’ve been running lots of computer simulations on their designs, and have flown both rockets at least a half dozen times on practice flights (pictures here). Their egg protection system is flawless so far, not a single crack yet.

Last Sunday they tried to make their qualifying flight. The wind was terrible, I was surprised that they were allowed to launch. Their first official attempt worked perfectly and went over 1000’, but the target altitude is 1250’. They went with a smaller upper-stage motor, and misjudged on the low side. They next decided to try the other rocket on a practice flight, then choose between the two for their final qualification flight.

1175’. Beautiful, but unofficial. They hustled to turn the rocket around to make another flight before the range closed for the day, and somewhere in the rush a mistake was made. On their final flight, only one motor ignited in the booster stage (it’s a three-motor cluster) and the badly underpowered rocket tipped horizontal off the rod and then the upper-stage motor ignited. The rocket then flew into the ground under power and pretty much disassembled itself. The eggs survived!

So this week they’re rebuilding. The teacher is headed out of town because of a family emergency, so on Saturday morning I’ll meet the students at their school and haul the crew up to Frederick, Maryland so they can make another, hopefully better, attempt.

Keep your fingers crossed for them.

Posted by: Ted at 01:43 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Hockey Quotes

It's playoff time, so you'll be bored to tears thrilled to know there'll be more hockey-related posts than usual for a while. I'll try to keep it to some sane level, but I have ice in my veins and frozen rubber in my pocket.

That doesn't sound right, does it? Gives me the squicky mental picture of dating Ted Williams' head. Ick.

By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television, most of them occurring during Game 1 of the NHL playoff series. -- Steve Rushin

A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another. -- Jimmy Cannon

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept. -- Doug Larson

Half the game is mental; the other half is being mental. -- Jim McKenny

How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo? -- Jacques Plante

I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out. -- Rodney Dangerfield

We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor. -- Bobby Clarke

I'm not dumb enough to be a goalie. -- Brett Hull

Posted by: Ted at 04:54 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

April 07, 2004

Government Licenses First Private Rocket

It's about time.

Burt Rutan and Scaled Composites make the big step first. I've talked about them before (search on "x-prize" - on the right), because their Space Ship One is typical Rutan: innovative, original and functional.

I expect there will be several more companies hitting this milestone this year.

Posted by: Ted at 10:16 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

It's a gift

First, I won the caption contest at Wizbang! And although it was a while ago it's not like I enter these all the time. Besides, Susie said some of my other entries should've won too, which proves that she has exceptional taste.

Now, over at Captain's Quarters, I've taken top honors once again. Thanks to Stephen for suggesting people go over to whup him like a red-headed step-child enjoy his fine entries and possibly play as well.

We now return to our modest and self-depreciating self.

Posted by: Ted at 01:46 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 A well deserved win.

I DON'T HAVE RED HAIR!

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at April 07, 2004 06:07 PM (CSxVi)

2 Congrats. And speaking of modesty, thanks for the compliment over at spoons.

Posted by: buckethead at April 07, 2004 06:29 PM (ztNrs)

3 Well earned bucket. I enjoy Perfidy, and even though I frequently want to strangle Ross, I think it's just my inner-Rumsfeld coming through.

Posted by: Ted at April 07, 2004 08:24 PM (ZjSa7)

4 Thanks again!

About Ross, you're not the only one. But that's why we have him there. Otherwise Johno, Geeklethal and I would sit around nodding at each other, and occasionally arguing around the edges of things.

If I can just break Ross of his habit of reflexively presuming ill intent on the part of conservatives, we'll really be in business. I'm making progress, but I'm not quite there yet. He's a sharp guy, good coder, and fun to have a beer with.

Posted by: buckethead at April 07, 2004 11:36 PM (oHUql)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

I missed it because American Idol was on

Entire article and pretty pictures here.

On January 5, 2003, Titan - Saturn's largest moon and the only moon in the solar system with a thick atmosphere - crossed in front of the Crab Nebula, a bright, extended X-ray source. Titan's transit enabled Chandra to image the one-arcsecond-diameter X-ray shadow cast by the moon (inset). This tiny shadow corresponds to the size of a dime as viewed from about two and a half miles.

This may have been the first transit of the Crab Nebula by Titan since the nebula was formed by a supernova that was observed to occur in the year 1054. The next similar conjunction will take place in the year 2267, so this was truly a once in a millennium event.

Posted by: Ted at 07:13 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Rocketing Around the Blogosphere

Last night I had on my first baseball game of the year - Giants vs Astros - and they had an interesting factoid. Tonight will be the first time in baseball history that a 300 game winner (Clemens) pitches to a 600 home run hitter (Bonds).

The reason the game was on was because I couldn't stand another minute of Mars Needs Women. Lord knows I tried, but even I have limits.

So while the game was on, I did a quick check of all those little sticky notes on my desk...

Terra Taco is back! Yay!

Denita of Who Tends the Fires showcases her artistic talent by presenting not one, but two internet creatures: The DU Spawn and the Spam Golem. Mmmm, spam. Gimme an onion and a skillet and I'll whip up some good eats!

Rob at Left & Right tells a hilarious story that falls under the category of Stupid User Tricks. Years ago I saw a 'computer alphabet' and the letter 'V' stuck with me:

V is for Void
A vast empty null
A lot like the inside
Of a user's skull.

I had to wave my wife over to the PC to read this classic from Kelley because I was laughing too hard to read it to her.

Now here's a twist to the old Nigerian scam that I might fall for: Save the Nigerian Astronaut! Thanks to Transterrestrial Musings for the timely intervention.

Bunsen. Red Sox. No surprise there, it's funny.

And just so this doesn't turn into a one-note chucklepalooza, take a look at Travelling Shoes and his link about fruit fly fights.

Wizbang guest blogger Rodney links to the story that the Mars rover Spirit has officially completed all tasks on its original mission. NASA has plenty more lined up, but from here on out it's all icing on the cake.

Short list this time, life has been hectic. If I post less often, does that mean the quality on Rocket Jones improves because the frequency of suck goes down? Any statitstics wizards out there?

Posted by: Ted at 06:13 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

April 06, 2004

Cult Cinema reviews

Last weekend I stumbled across a new genre that I'd never seen before. After doing some research, I've discovered that it's a fairly new niche in the cult flick scene and seems to have a small but loyal group of followers.

Softcore Lesbian Spoof movies shot direct to video.

Man, I can't wait to see the Google hits that one generates. The movie I saw on late-night television was titled Lord of the G-Strings: Femaleship of the String. The main characters were all female, and it was an obvious and not terribly bad parody of the Tolkien works ("terribly bad" as per my definition). I love crap movies, so if your tastes run to the normal, then these probably aren't for you.

In the movie, Dildo the Throbbit is entrusted with the task of delivering the G-String of Power to... uh, someplace... for destruction. Need I go on?

The sex is simulated and overwhelmingly (but not exclusively) lesbian. The characters get naked often. There is a plot of sorts, and actual acting is attempted at times. The humor is pretty hit and miss, but there are some laugh-out-loud moments.

And then there is the leading lady. Her screen name is Misty Mundae (go on, I'll wait for you to stop snickering). She's killer cute, with an innocent face and the morals of... well, no... she has no morals that I can determine, at least as far as making softcore lesbian spoof flicks. (Mental note: run that job search through Monster.com)

Misty Mundae has made numerous movies over the last several years for Seduction Cinema, and seems to have a cult following built up, including her own Yahoo group fan-club (as does Seduction). The movies have titles like The Erotic Witch Project and The Sexy Sixth Sense, as well as some not-spoof flicks. Apparently it's not all mindless T&A either, as I saw some good reviews of one movie as a noir thriller offering.

So what do I think? I went through the satellite-guide for the month and picked out a couple of other related flicks. I'll let you know after I've seen Play-Mate of the Apes and Gladiator Eroticus: The Lesbian Warriors. I'd pick these up if I see them in a bargain bin somewhere, but they're not going onto my "must buy" list.

Favorite review snippets:

"This is just under ninety minutes, which means total production time was about ninety minutes."

"Best scene: the gorilla having sex with the sex-doll... now there's something I hadn't seen yet..."

"...What surprised me about this movie, is that it actually worked. The movie made some sense. The formula actually worked."

"three beautiful women get lesbo-crazy in front of a camera. Talk about entertainment!"

Sexy fun, and there's nothing wrong with that. Uh huh, I already know I'm a pig. Oink.

Posted by: Ted at 05:49 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

I thought I only made that noise during sex

The Washington Capitals, my second-favorite hockey team, have won the lottery for the first pick of the upcoming draft and will almost certainly take Russian forward Alexander Ovechkin, who is compared to Pittsburgh great Mario Lemieux.

I know Victor is one happy camper!

Now, if I could just get Nic to post pictures of herself doing the happy dance...

Posted by: Ted at 05:01 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Now, if I could just get Nic to post pictures of herself doing the happy dance...
It wouldn't compare to Seduction Cinema, I'm sure. ;-)

I'm glad, but not that excited. I mean, look what we did with Jagr...

Kiss of Death, Ted, I'm tellin' ya. How much will you give me to root for St. Louis?

Posted by: nic at April 06, 2004 05:57 PM (16A49)

2 Apples *and* oranges sweetie. It's not an 'or' thing, and never was.

Eric over at Off Wing Opinion has an interesting take on it. I don't see how the Caps *can't* take the Russian kid, but it could very well backfire on them.

The Blues scare the bejeebers out of me. It's going to be one heck of a series.

Posted by: Ted at April 06, 2004 08:44 PM (ZjSa7)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Google Bombs for Justice

Down on the bottom of the right-hand column, permanent bait for the 'bot.

Idiots piss me off. Thanks to Simon for the tip.*

*The referenced expression of appreciation was interpreted and approved by whoever-the-hell is really in charge in Hong Kong.

Posted by: Ted at 06:49 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Random Phrase Generation

Or you can just read a sports story about cricket:

Vice-captain Yousuf Youhana, who had struck a fighting century in the first test at Multan, was on 33 on an increasingly friendly wicket for batsmen.

Pakistan had resumed on their overnight 61 for one with Farhat hitting leg spinner Anil Kumble for four in Tuesday's first over and then driving left arm paceman Irfan Pathan backward of point for another boundary.

Yasir Hameed joined in, immaculately driving Pathan on the up through the off side.

But the 26-year-old was out for 19, edging a wide delivery from medium pacer Ajit Agarkar to Rahul Dravid at second slip.

Agarkar was nippy in his five-over first spell, which got him one wicket for 17, hitting Inzamam on the helmet with a well-directed bouncer.

The Pakistan captain shrugged off the blow, cutting Agarkar behind square for four and then slashing him through the covers.

Huh? Don't try to explain, it's rhetorical.

Posted by: Ted at 06:04 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

I thought they had a card for everything?

Prison birthday cards, because sometimes being your bitch just isn't enough.

Posted by: Ted at 05:34 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

April 05, 2004

Holy Fellow Munuvian Bloggers Batman!

Who else but the flea would point out this gem of a site, a list of "Holy (blank), Batman!" phrases used by the sidekick of the Caped Crusader?

For some reason my inner-synergist is inspired by this.

Munuviana - Holy Multitudes
Ambient Irony - Holy Alter-ego
Practical Penumbra - Holy Perfect pitch
Blather Review - Holy Blackout (I'm guessing this applies to his keyboards)
Stranger in a Strange Land - Holy Missing relatives
Publius & Co. - Holy Purple cannibals
Jennifer's History and Stuff - Holy Jelly molds
MookieRiffic - Holy Molehill
The Cheese Stands Alone - Holy Chutzpah
Hoppings of Roxette Bunny - Holy Rainbow
D.F.Moore - Your Daily Dose of Pizzazz - Holy D'artagnan
Caught in the XFire - Holy Crack-up
Angelweave - Holy Armadillos
Anger Management - Holy Astringent pomite fruit
Snooze Button Dreams - Holy Split seconds
Everyday Stranger - Holy Escape hatch
Simon World - Holy Squirrel cage
Tom's Nap Room - Holy Trolls and goblins
Semi-Intelligent Thoughts - Holy Skull tamper
Civilization Calls - Holy Crucial moment
Hold the Mayo - Holy Hot foot
Minx Development Blog - Holy Mechanical army
annika's poetry and journal - Holy armour plate
Trying to Grok - Holy Travel agent
Ilyka Damen - Holy impregnability
Being American in T.O. - Holy bat-logic
Read My Lips - Holy Red herring
G'Day Mate! - Holy Geography
Miss Apropos - Holy Masquerade
Little Miss Attila - Holy Levitation
Triticale - Holy Terminology
Backstage - Holy Bijou
Um's Musings - Holy Unrefillable prescriptions
Rambling Rhodes - Holy Reverse polarity
XSet - Holy Uncanny photographic mental processes
Lemur Girl - Holy Looking glass
Educated Beyond Her Intelligence - Holy Einstein
Primal Purge - Holy Priceless collection of Etruscan snoods
Flying Space Monkey Chronicles - Holy flight plan
A Likely Story - Holy Las Vegas
There's One, Only! - Holy One-track Bat-computer mind
Mamamontezz's Mental Rumpus Room - Holy mesmerism
Light & Dark - Holy Magic Lantern
It's All About De - Holy Diversionary tactic
TexasBestGrok - Holy Toreador
Fear Your Future - Holy Fugitives
2Flower To You - Holy Fishbowl
Anticipatory Retaliation - Holy alphabet
The Meatriarchy - Holy Mashed Potatoes
Ellis Island - Holy Fourth of July

Holy uneven effort, Batman!

Posted by: Ted at 08:20 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Holy Mammoth Undertaking, Batman! Did you look at all our blogs to do this??? HEE! This is awesome. I wish you had seen my sushi and dr. seuss - I don't think it would've warranted the Einstein.

Posted by: Alex at April 06, 2004 04:31 AM (MNwPu)

2 Holy Squirrel Cage! That could be the next by-line.

Posted by: Simon at April 06, 2004 04:50 AM (FUPxT)

3 I try to visit all the Munuvians every day. Don't always make it, but I try.

Posted by: Ted at April 06, 2004 05:36 AM (ZjSa7)

4 Holy smoke - the church is on fire!

Posted by: triticale at April 12, 2004 09:03 AM (cxv1J)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Like a kid on Christmas morning

A 1,000-ton barge rammed into a pier supporting an aging bridge over Florida's Apalachicola Bay last week, delighting civil engineers, who plan to ram it a dozen more times.

Depending on your job, it isn't often that you get real-life data to work with. These structural engineers are loving life right now, getting to study the effects of bridge and boat collisions. With the goal of improving national construction standards, of course. I watch NASCAR for the racing too.

When stationed in Germany as part of the US Air Force, I'd heard that the runways at Ramstein AB were going to be redone. Part of the plan was to let pilots blow hell out of things with live ordnance (great training), followed by Prime Beef teams repairing the runways afterwards (more great training). This was supposed to go on for some time as aircrews were rotated in for the chance to actually blow something up for real.

I transferred back to the States before that happened. Did it? If it did, I bet it was a great show.

Posted by: Ted at 02:26 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Fantasy Hockey Wrapup

The season is over and I finished a respectable 6th out of twenty teams. Not too shabby, considering I had no idea what I was doing when the season started and had to learn the rules as I went.

Highlights for the year for me were one glorious day when I stood alone in first place. I was fighting for third as recently as three weeks ago. Third through sixth were closely contested.

Offensively, I was in the top five for goals scored, power play points, short handed points, game winning goals and shots on goal. I also finished on the plus side for the +/- stat. I consider that a victory because I spent much of the season in the negative and made several trades specifically to improve in that area.

For goaltending, I was in the top half for wins and shutouts, but only because I had three goalies that played a lot. They weren’t very good, but enough mediocre adds up. Everyone ahead of me was significantly better in net.

Early on I talked about some things I’d noticed in our league, and now that it’s over I think those observations held up pretty well.

Lessons learned: Play lots of games. Get starters for every slot on your roster. A lot of teams fall behind because they have marginal players on the fourth line. They don’t play often, and when they do they don’t get many minutes.

Manage injuries. I was lucky, and only suffered four major injuries to my team all year. Three I was able to put on IR and wait for their return, and the fourth player returned to the ice sooner than anyone expected. Move those injured players and pick up replacements as soon as possible. When the injured players return, cut loose your least-productive players. Which brings us to…

Don’t be sentimental. If your favorite player is having a lousy year, trade for value or otherwise get rid of him. Same thing if you stock your team with your favorite team’s players. Diversify, and don’t get too attached.

Consider trades early. By this I mean trading hot players while they’re still hot, when they’re worth maximum value. The perfect example of this for me was Atlanta Thrashers goalie Pasi Numinem. He was insanely hot for the first third of the season, and I should have realized that he (and the entire Atlanta team) couldn’t keep the pace up. He faded badly, and I should’ve traded him before the all-star break for another scorer or solid everyday goalie.

So I had fun, and I'll probably play again next year. Any fellow Munuvians interested, start thinking about it and we might get enough for a "fun" league amongst ourselves. You too Nic, you're an honorary Munuvian as far as I'm concerned.

Posted by: Ted at 06:21 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Processing 0.01, elapsed 0.0651 seconds.
37 queries taking 0.0552 seconds, 63 records returned.
Page size 50 kb.
Powered by Minx 0.8 beta.