April 28, 2004
Great Commercial
Dairy Queen has been airing the best commercial I've seen in a long time. I can't find the actual vid online, but it's for their new Flamethrower Burger.
Super-bowl quality.Posted by: Ted at 11:38 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
One hundred channels and not a dang thing worth watching
Imagine having only one channel.
Posted by: Ted at 07:52 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
My evil twin would laugh and laugh
The facehugger from the movie Alien.
Eight legs, what a happy coincidence. Imagine heaving one of these onto the ice at a hockey playoff game instead of an octopus. They wouldn't know what it was, and probably wouldn't want to touch it. But we can do better... It's a plushie, so it needs to be slicked up with some sort of slimy goo. I'm thinking a KY and Karo syrup mixture. Something that will drip disgustingly when it's picked up. To keep it from looking waterlogged from the goo, spray it down real good beforehand with 3M's Scotchguard. The hell with the CFC's and the ozone man, we're doing a joke here! I just thought of another little twist. Insert a small vibrator inside so it's throbbing a little bit. Just enough to feel wrong when it's picked up. Imagine the look on the guys face as he gingerly touches it, then realizes that it might still be alive. See? That's not so hard. Now what else could we do with this little beastie? Thanks to TexasBestGrok for the inspiration, via the Llama Butchers, and even farther back than that.Posted by: Ted at 06:34 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
VI@GRA for Cats
Because every... never mind.
Posted by: Ted at 06:16 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
April 27, 2004
psst... I'm inside the phone
Hello Mr. Intelligence Agent. Welcome to my blog.
Posted by: Ted at 07:24 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
The greatest hockey movie of all time*
No, not Love Story. I'm talking about Slap Shot!
For the 25th anniversary of the original, they made Slap Shot 2. I don't know whether this is a good thing or not, because to be honest I haven't seen it. To balance that out, the original was one of the first DVD's I ever purchased (right after Love Story). And here's a quickie for you, the Hanson brothers official website. This is worth a stroll through all by itself! *Welcome to "drive-by" postings, ala Rocket Jones. No time to really develop this one, so you get some links and a friendly swift kick in the butt to go follow them.Posted by: Ted at 12:02 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Air Force Blue (part 12)
With all the current hoopla over military medals, I thought I’d pass on a couple of quickie stories about awards and decorations. It involves a little tooting of my own horn, so just pretend I’m suitably modest.
The first medal I ever received was for marksmanship. It was entirely expected since I was Security Police, and we practiced a lot. After qualifying ‘expert’ for the M16 rifle, I got the little doohickey for shooting ‘expert’ with the .38 pistol (standard SP sidearm of the day). The doohickey are called devices and you get them to indicate subsequent awards. For instance, when you get the Good Conduct medal you wear the plain ribbon, and after that each time you get it again you add a little bronze leaf to the ribbon. Back to the story, about 10 years later I got an ‘awards review’ printout listing all my known information, and looking it over I noticed that my marksman device wasn’t listed. I dug out my ancient range card showing the expert box was checked for both and took it in. The personnel people were kind of amazed that I had kept that card for that long. I never threw anything away in the military, and it saved my butt more than once. Ok, so that one lived up to the category 'boring stories'. In the Air Force at the time, you got the Good Conduct medal every three years, assuming you didn’t totally screw up. Believe me, you had to really try not to get the GC, because it was pretty much automatic. My first tour was... eventful. So when it was announced that I was getting the Good Conduct medal I was surprised and pleased. The shift commander came down the line, handing out the little medal cases and shaking hands, and when I got mine I opened it up and burst out laughing. The medallion part of my medal was broken. The shift commander said he’d replace it, but there was no way I was giving it up. It was mine and it was perfect, almost custom made. When we were transferred to Germany, I had been a computer programmer for five years. The very last project I’d been involved in before getting orders was a high-pressure, high-profile job that we’d busted our collective asses to accomplish. One guy had been hospitalized for exhaustion, and it was touch-and-go as to whether any of our marriages were going to survive. No exaggeration there, the hours and schedule had been that crazy for almost an entire year. So at my new assignment, my first Commander’s Call (a monthly briefing), all the new people get introduced to the unit. When they got around to the awards and recognition portion of the brief, the usual letters of appreciation and commendation were read and handed out. Unexpectedly, the Colonel called me up and started to read a ‘thank you’ note to me for all the hard work our team had done on the last project. That was from the Captain who was our project leader. Next was a letter from the Colonel who commanded my last unit. After that were three letters from Generals, one was the Commander of Communications Command and two were from Generals in the Pentagon. The final letter was from an Undersecretary of Defense. These were totally unexpected and just those simple letters meant so much to me. It was kind of funny too, because everyone was looking at me like I was some kind of freak. They didn’t know me from Adam, and I received all these letters of appreciation from insanely high level people. A couple of years later a friend of ours (Dave) was going to get a Good Conduct medal. The commander at this time would hold a little ceremony in his office, and they’d have a photographer and the recipient could invite a few friends and family. Being in Germany, we were the closest to family Dave had and my wife Liz and I were happy to be there for him. We drove over to the commander’s office, and my wife was uncomfortable because it was hot and muggy and she was very pregnant. The commander ushered us all in and we lined the walls of his office, with Dave front and center and Liz and then I next to him. The ceremony began and as the Colonel was speaking it dawned on me that he thought Liz was Dave’s wife! This amused me no end, and when the Colonel said “and we’re so glad to share this proud moment with Mrs. M---“, I almost laughed out loud. Dave hadn’t caught on before that, but when he realized what the Colonel had just said he blurted out “Sir, that isn’t my wife.” The Colonel stammered in confusion for a moment, and then I helpfully announced “But we thought it was important for the baby to see his daddy get a medal.” Things went to hell in a hurry. The commander managed to make it through the rest of his presentation. Afterwards he apologized repeatedly to Liz and Dave and I, and we all just laughed it off as an honest mistake. I did get called in to my supervisor’s office later for an official ass-chewing for my smart-mouth comment. About a month later, after Mookie was born, the Colonel’s wife stopped by the house to welcome the new baby. She told Liz about her husband’s reaction when he got home after the ceremony. The Colonel was so embarrassed by that little mix-up, and they had a good laugh together. He was definitely one of the better commanders I’d served under.Posted by: Ted at 07:41 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
April 26, 2004
This just creeps me out
But I'm still going to go back this evening and check out the archives.
Human Descent, a photoshop gallery. Thanks to Lynn for the pointer.Posted by: Ted at 12:45 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
An inflatable toy that I can get excited about!
Michael Mealing of RocketForge blogged from the Space Access '04 conference, held in Phoenix, Arizona (Helen, tell 'em I said to remove their head comma ass). Among the many interesting things announced - like a second commercial launch license granted to a private company - was this little bit that really caught my imagination.
John Powell of JP Aerospace is giving an update on what JP Aerospace has been up to and is finally talking about their total vision for balloon based aerospace. It's basically three 'vehicles'. A 'launcher' that gets you to 100K feet, a 'station' that is huge that permanently sits at 100K feet, and an orbital (yes, orbital!) balloon that is almost 6000 feet long and can attain orbit using lift from the upper atmosphere. Its an amazing amount of work that is generating short term ROI now.He's also got pictures from the JP Aerospace handout to see just what these guys are doing. The link leads to a page of photos from the conference, scroll down about halfway to see them (look for the blue book with "ATO - Airship to Orbit" on the cover). I assume the return on investment (ROI) is the licensing fees for some cutting-edge balloon technology they've developed. This is so cool! Balloons to orbit!!! Burt Rutan and Scaled Composites aren't the only ones getting close to making space a commercially viable business, they're just the best known to the average person.
Posted by: Ted at 06:35 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
More NHL History
Probably the most underappreciated player in the history of hockey was Detroit's Alex Delvecchio. In 24 seasons he played 1,529 games, scored 456 goals and 825 points, yet was selected for the NHL all-star game only one time, and that on the second team. Why was this stellar performer overlooked by so many for so long? Because his line-mate was Gordie Howe.
The finals of the 1950-1951 season were memorable because all five games were decided in overtime. The Toronto Maple Leafs won it all when rising star Bill Barilko lifted a shot past Gerry McNeil of the Montreal Canadiens for the winning goal. During the ensuing off-season, Barilko disappeared while on a fishing trip to a remote area of Northern Ontario. It was 11 years before the wreckage of the airplane and his body were found and 11 years before the Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup again. The playoffs of the 1951-1952 season introduced a weird hockey tradition. Two Detroit brothers came up with the symbolism of the octopus. Eight arms for eight wins needed to take home the Stanley Cup. In the first period of the fourth game of the finals against Montreal, the brothers heaved their deceased mollusc onto the ice. The idea caught on, and even though the today's modern playoff format makes the number eight meaningless, fans all over the country continue to throw octopi onto the ice during playoff games. Stan Mikita was the first Czech player to make it into the NHL, joining the Chicago Blackhawks at the end of the 1958-1959 season. During his early career he was a scrapper and routinely racked up 100+ penalty minutes a season. After his seventh season, his young daughter asked him why he spent so much time in the penalty box, and he resolved to play a cleaner game from then on. Cutting back on his penalty minutes didn't hurt his game at all, and he won the league MVP and Lady Byng trophy for sportsmanship two years in a row. In 22 seasons he led the league in scoring four times. Later in his career he suffered a concussion that caused him to miss a quarter of the season, after which he designed a helmet which proved to be very popular. Having a star of his caliber wear a helmet took a lot of pressure off of other players during a time when almost no one wore them and wearing one caused some to question your toughness.Posted by: Ted at 05:37 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
April 25, 2004
I found my dream job
I'm just not sure who to send my resume to.
(in the extended entry)Posted by: Ted at 07:38 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
April 24, 2004
Movie Review: First Spaceship on Venus
This one is a treat, despite some flaws. Remember that bit in Shrek where he's talking about layers? You know, like an onion, there are many layers because it's not something simple? Fine, like a parfait then. The point is that there's a lot worthwhile in this movie, even if you're not a fan of the genre.
First Spaceship on Venus was made in East Germany in 1959. Rather than overt preaching about the joys of Communist living, the message here was much more subtle and pervasive. Almost every aspect of the movie was colored by the society which created the film and the society it was targeted towards. There's an grim earnestness here, where everyone is expected to pull their weight for the common good of all Earth (even those poor misguided Americans). Of course, the crew is gloriously diverse, containing both males and females and of every race. One scene that troubled me happened near the end, where some crew members were lost. There was no effort to rescue them, and even though they were hailed as heroes they weren't sacrificed. They were just left behind by circumstance when the ship returned to Earth, and little was wasted on regret. To my mind, that perfectly pointed up the socialist attitude of individual expendability. This movie is based on a story by Stanislaw Lem, who's novel Solaris has been made into a movie twice - first in Russia, and then again a year or two ago by Hollywood (starring George Clooney). I've read some Lem, and don't much care for him. I'm wondering now if it's because of our differing viewpoints about the world we grew up in. His fiction is wildly imaginative, but there always seemed to be an alieness about his writing that had nothing to do with the story he was telling. But despite (or maybe because of) this, First Spaceship on Venus presents an intriguing story. More cerebral than action-oriented, much of the plot is advanced via dialogue, and since it was filmed in the earliest days of space exploration, they get a lot of the science wrong, sometimes with unintentionally funny results. The spaceship is one of the most beautiful creations ever conceived for the big screen. It also has one of the dumbest names - the Cosmostrator. The special effects are outstanding for the most part, especially the surface of Venus. The dubbing and editing are horrible. Supposedly my copy was "fully restored and enhanced from a digital master", which just tells me that the original must've been in really bad shape. The picture isn't bad, but it's not all that great either. Bottom line: this one is well worth watching. In fact, I'll go ahead and call this one a must-see.Posted by: Ted at 07:59 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
This reminds me, I need to mow the lawn
Buried in the jungles of Guatemala, excavations at Mayan ruins continue to surprise archeologists with unsuspected data.
A team of U.S. and Guatemalan archeologists says it has discovered important Mayan monuments covered with texts from the ceremonial ball court at the Cancuen palace in northern Guatemala. Cancuen, one of the largest Mayan palaces found so far, was built between 765 and 790 A.D. by King Taj Chan Ahk. It is located along the banks of the Passion River, about 200 kilometers (120 miles) north of the Guatemalan capital.
They've been exploring those ruins for over 100 years.
Posted by: Ted at 01:05 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
April 23, 2004
Long day done
Tomorrow the contractors come to install new windows in our house. After managing a little ladder mishap last night that wrenched my back I'm moving at half speed. So I took today off from work because everything around the house was going to take longer to do.
We got all the curtains down and washed, and all the hardware for curtains, blinds, shades, etc removed. Furniture moved and access to every window cleared. The last thing I have to do tonight is to put a couple of CAT-5 connectors on the new cabling we ran last weekend, and a few last-second things in the morning. A little while ago they stopped by and dropped off some materials for tomorrow. I've been wanting to do this for several years, but damn it's expensive. I know it'll automatically raise the value of the house at least as much as they cost, not to mention the improved efficiency of new windows compared to the original almost 40 year old ones. I was talking to a couple of neighbors about it, and apparently we got a decent price too. Hockey's on. Then I need a hot shower, some kick-ass pain drugs, and some sleep. Enjoy your weekend.Posted by: Ted at 07:49 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Fallen Hero
Excerpted from here.
Pat Tillman, who walked away from his professional football career to join the Army Rangers, was killed in Afghanistan, U.S. officials said Friday. Tillman played four seasons with the National Football League's Arizona Cardinals before enlisting in the Army in May 2002. The safety turned down a three-year, $3.6 million deal from Arizona. His brother, Kevin, a former minor league baseball prospect in the Cleveland Indians' organization, also joined the Rangers and served in the Middle East.My condolences to the Tillman family, and my gratitude for their sons' service and sacrifice. Update: Eric has a much more comprehensive post about this, including links to many background stories.
Posted by: Ted at 11:47 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
6 Again
From my wife, who got it from her sister.
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms and then took her off to the local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, and the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie to see the latest blockbuster, a hot-dog, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked. "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "You idiot, I meant my dress size!"
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.
Posted by: Ted at 10:03 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Senior Moment
My wife was surprised to hear me use that phrase yesterday. If you haven't heard it before, it refers to one of those times when you momentarily forget what you were going to say or do.
I don't use "senior moment" to describe myself, because I've been absent minded my whole life. I'm a fanatical list-maker, because if I didn't write it down, I know I'd forget. In fact, sometimes my biggest problem is finding an old list and trying to remember if I've already dealt with it or not. I was going somewhere with this, but I was interupted and now I can't remember. Sounds like a joke, but I'm serious. I didn't make a note to myself, and I forgot. It's inevitable I tell you. Damn, that's gonna bug me too. Update: Ok, I didn't leave myself a note, but another window was open on the PC and that reminded me. And it was a list, kinda. Some bloggers share what they find on their searchengine referrer logs, and I love to read those because it's usually funny and amazing what turns up. I haven't done it before because, well, I'm odd like that, and usually won't do something that others do. But it's a list, which makes it ok for this post, which is turning into one huge rambling mess. Besides the expected "rocket" and "how to make a rocket" stuff I find: "porta-potty" rental rate Probably someone from the State Department. The Gravity Probe B satellite conspiracy Paging Mr. Stone... beats him like a red headed step child Yep, I use that phrase. Surprisingly though, mine has hyphens. Ok, so maybe not so surprising. Some say punctuation is a tool for writers. In that case, I'm like the movie psychotic who misuses various tools to bludgeon understanding into your unsuspecting mind. Make sense out of that screwed-up metaphore, I dare ya! gladiator eroticus pictures The google hits for "softcore lesbian movie spoofs shot direct to video" start to roll in! Go me. clipping riverdance The nude version. It's my idea, but I need investors. Any takers? Apparently someone thinks I'll need a barber on staff too. 2004 email addresses of MR. YOUSUF I think we'd all like to have that. Let me know when you get it, ok? All right, enough of this nonsense.Posted by: Ted at 08:35 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
April 22, 2004
Presented without comment
"Protect your banana!" (work-safe)
Thanks to J-Walk Blog for the - ahem - pointer.Posted by: Ted at 11:49 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Ladies, see how stupid this sounds?
Does that banner above make my blog look fat?
It's a little too large I think. I'll have to shrink it a bit more this evening. I like the picture itself though. She's got a sly smile which hints at naughty times ahead. Just like Rocket Jones! I'll be updating the hockey playoffs team array later to show the second round matchups. And there's a new tagline over on the right. The tagline archive is here. Oh yeah, Google has a graphic up celebrating Earth Day.Posted by: Ted at 06:49 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Al Gore never mentioned this
(ID's have been changed to protect the clueless and evil)
proudpapa: oh manproudpapa: my son is sooooooo dead
lemon8: Why?
proudpapa: hes been looking at internet web sites in effing EUROPE
proudpapa: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
proudpapa: our effing phone bill is gonna be nuts
lemon8: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
proudpapa: ...!!!!!! DAMN DAMN DAMN
proudpapa: is there some plan we can sign up for???
proudpapa: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dont want to pay that much
lemon8: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it.
proudpapa: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites.
proudpapa: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
lemon8: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** proudpapa has quit (Connection reset by peer)
Posted by: Ted at 06:40 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
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