Rocket Jones

July 22, 2004

Mosquito in the room

Must be, what else could be whining like that?

I mean, Victor mentions bad juju because his girlfriend, Nic, becomes a Hot Jet cheerleader for Rocket Jones. Did she pick me over Victor? Of course not, it's all in the timing, and I notice now that Victor has formed a team in the league as well. Rats of Chaos, eh? Good name, Victor. Strong juju.

Then there's Nick, who suspects coercion. Don't forget the bribes Nick. Dig deep and find evidence for bribes too. It couldn't possibly be that I just emailed each and every lady individually, asked nicely, and said 'please'? "Hired", indeed.

Darn mosquito. Probably irate that he didn't think of it first.

It's annika I fear, because she's already doing research. Unless one of us lucks out and the fourteenth best wide reciever available in the draft has an absolutely monster year, she might stomp us all. On the field, that is, because on the sidelines, you all might as well change your names to Jacques.

More classy, sassy, bold and brassy Hot Jets on the squad. Say hello to:

Emma, of Miss Apropos!
Blogoline, of Blogoline's Journal!
Kat, of Mostly Fluff!
Lynn S., of Reflections in d minor!
Tink, of Flitting Here and There!

...to go along with the original batch o'lovelies:

Denita, of Who Tends The Fires!
Cindy, of Squipper!
Susie, of Practical Penumbra!
Nic, of Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax!
LeeAnn, of The Cheese Stands Alone!
Gir, of Your Moosey Fate!
Heather, of Angelweave!
Stevie, of Caught In The XFire!
Jennifer, of Jennifer's History and Stuff!
Mookie, of MookieRiffic!

What color are your helmets, toast-boy? I hope they match that lovely shade of green I see hear.

Posted by: Ted at 05:46 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Too funny

Major thanks to QandO for pointing this one out (via Wizbang). Scroll down, read the last paragraph, and remember Rule Number 1: never piss off the people who make you look good.

Posted by: Ted at 01:04 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Ignore the headline and understand the article

Bigger Breasts Offered as Perk to Soldiers.

Key quote:

"the surgeons have to have someone to practice on."

And that's the bottom line. Military surgeons have to deal with wounds and situations that most civilian doctors rarely or never see (other than maybe urban ER staff). The cosmetic side of the procedures is something you don't normally think about. A friend of mine in Germany went into the hospital with a hot appendix. That night, the surgeon on duty was a plastic surgeon, and since it was a slow night he took the extra time to do whatever they do to reduce the scar left behind. You almost couldn't tell that a cut had been made. It was beautifully done, and some day those same skills could be used to reduce the visual impact of a healed shrapnel wound.

It's frivolous in the same way that running around shooting blanks at each other in simulated combat situations is frivolous.

Posted by: Ted at 09:44 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Fashion tip

In Ted's Universe, when the ladies are walking to work and they're wearing a nice skirt, and instead of heels or strappy shoes they're wearing white sneakers and socks (for comfort I guess), well, I like that.

Posted by: Ted at 06:48 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Commitment to Excellence

And the desperation sets in. Annika has already purchased a fantasy football draft guide, and I've heard rumors that one of the other teams is trying to hire Bill Walsh as a draft consultant.

But while secret (and not-so-secret) plans are being laid for future success, Rocket Jones is already whupping the competition. That's right folks, it is my privilege to introduce, for the first second time ever, the Hot Jets, cheerleaders for the Rockets! Give it up for the classiest and sassiest group of ladies to ever shake a pom-pom.

In no particular order (how could you ever put one above another?);

Heather, of Angelweave!
Stevie, of Caught In The XFire!
Susie, of Practical Penumbra!
Nic, of Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax!
LeeAnn, of The Cheese Stands Alone!
Gir, of Your Moosey Fate!
Denita, of Who Tends The Fires!
Cindy, of Squipper!
Jennifer, of Jennifer's History and Stuff!
Mookie, of MookieRiffic!

Spirits are high, tryouts continue, and I expect the squad will grow.

For those wondering (humor me), team colors are black, white and red. The reason for that is that NASA and the military did visibility studies to determine the best colors to paint a rocket. Large swaths of - you guessed it - black, white and red, alternated for contrast works best. For extra visibility, we often add sparkly and shiny bits, so they'll catch the light on the way down and make it easier to follow. Come to think of it, that's what we do with cheerleaders too.

Posted by: Ted at 06:39 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

My daughters are nicer, they don't throw sharp kitchen implements at me

I had Vietnamese food yesterday for lunch, which was a first. Remember that scene in the original Carrie where Piper Laurie is telling Sissy Spacek about sinful, evil sex with her drunken husband? She got that creepy wild smile and said, "and I liked it!" Yep, that was my reaction.

No momma, please. Not the closet...

Posted by: Ted at 06:23 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 21, 2004

Hmmmm

A lot of people don't have contact email addresses on their blogs. Lots of folks who do, have outdated or broken ones. Just something I've noticed lately.

Posted by: Ted at 07:28 PM | Comments (21) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Remembering Jimmy Hatlo

(in the extended entry)

Posted by: Ted at 06:42 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Win one for the Phipper

Sorry about the title, I couldn't resist.

I'm signed up for Blogger Bowl 2004, yet another foray into the world of fantasy sports. Football this time, in a league that looks to be mostly Munuvian. Thanks to Nick for the invite.

Now, some of you may think you're too inexperienced to join. Poppycock! Sign on up and we'll help you out, because we love fresh meat we're all friends and nice people. Right?

This will be an auto-draft, which means that Yahoo will determine the draft order, and then dole out players based on who's left that's best. In other words, when it's your pick, you'll get the best player left at that position at that time. Based on my fantasy hockey experiences, it's fair.

Now what you might not know is that you can "elevate" players to increase your odds of picking him up. For instance, say you absolutely must have Kelly Ripa at quarterback (or is that Jim Kelly? I get them confused), then you can go into Yahoo and - following their pretty good directions - bump that players' value up so that when it's your turn and he's available, you'll get him. Cool!

Specific tips for my opponents:

1. Mike Ditka is not running for office. Mike Ditka is one of the greatest Tight Ends in history. Put 'em together and you'll notice that he's available!!! Head over to Yahoo and put Mike Ditka as your first draft pick for Tight End.

2. This one is kind of a longshot, but if you draft Howie Long high enough, you'll probably lure him out of retirement. Worth a shot.

3. Gale Sayers was the one who didn't die in Brian's Song, so he's still available. Get thee to Yahoo now! Not convinced? Gale Sayer's didn't die twice!!! Obviously a winner, and someone you'd want on your team.

4. Don't be like the New York Giants, and accidentally draft a dead player. Live players will generally score more points for you than dead ones.

5. Kickers can be the difference between success and failure, and nothing is worse than losing because your kicker was on a bye week. Think creatively, and draft outside the box. Freddy Adeu has no NFL bye weeks, and he's one heck of a kicker.

6. Team names are important. You should spend hours if not days agonizing over yours. For instance, Rockets implies grace and speed, while using muscle and raw power to get it done. If you decide to call your team the Twinkly Fairies, they better be tough. Sometimes you can go for the humorous monicker, like Altoona Fish or Tijuana Lapdancers. The key here is to agonize, because angst makes for very good football.

7. Everyone else in the league is in it for one thing only - to win. Myself, on the other hand, am in it for the fun. And we all know that it's more fun if everyone's having fun. So if I offer you a trade, don't look at it too closely, just rest easy knowing that anything I propose is good for everybody equally. Just click "approve" and we'll all be happier.

8. This is fantasy football, so it's ok to have your weird superstitions. You wanna wear the same lucky underwear all season without washing them? Go right ahead, I don't mind a bit. Oh, and if you believe that the 'fantasy' part means you start having homoerotic daydreams about your players, well, I don't want to hear about it. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.

8. Yep, I typed eight again, just to see who's still paying attention.

I'm sure there's more...

Posted by: Ted at 05:44 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 20, 2004

New scam to double my hits

This link is absolutely not safe for work, so you'll have to come back this evening to check it out. And believe you me, it's worth it.

As Wegglywoo says:

thank gaia! someone finally found a way to combine breasts, phonecams, and the web!

That's right, it's Cleavage!

What? You don't visit Wegglywoo? For shame.

[her] head and stomach were in revolt against the alcohol in her system even before we got home, and she complained that i was driving in circles. i told her i knew where i was going, and that i was going quite straight. she explained that she meant vertical circles, like a ferris wheel.

She's witty and wise, and celebrates both Thong Thursday and Tits Out Tuesday. Now how can you argue with that?

As final evidence that she's a classy lady, Rocket Jones is prominently absent from her blogroll.

Posted by: Ted at 04:26 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 19, 2004

Washington DC's only winning football team

The D.C. Divas professional woman's football team finished the season undefeated and made it into the second round of the playoffs before falling last weekend to two-time champs Detroit in a close game (20-14). The Divas are part of the 30-team National Woman's Football Association.

Divas team colors are burgundy and gold (big surprise there), but what's up with that Cowboy-esque star in the logo?

Posted by: Ted at 06:09 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Pretty flowers

These pictures make me sooooooo jealous.

Posted by: Ted at 04:57 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 18, 2004

Astronaut Training

Ten days on the ocean floor is about as isolated as you can get on ol' Mother Earth. This sounds like an excellent way to prepare for long-term space missions.

Posted by: Ted at 08:32 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Can you hear me now, eh?

An Ariane-5 rocket has placed the world's largest telecommunications satellite into orbit Saturday evening after blasting off from the Kourou site in French Guiana.

Details here.
Built by Boeing Satellite Systems (BSS) in El Segundo, California, Anik-2F is to provide telecommunications services across North America for 15 years for the Canadian operator Telesat.

Posted by: Ted at 01:31 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Someone's in the kitchen with Dinahhhh!!!

I'll give you the super-simple method first, which is tasty. At the end will be some tips to make it even better (and easier too).

Easy Beef Enchiladas

Ingredients
1 lb ground beef
1 half cup onion, coarsely chopped
1 can enchilada sauce, divided
1 4oz can chopped green chilies
1 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp cumin
8 oz sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
corn tortillas
sliced black olives (optional)

Brown the ground beef, drain and chop fine.
Add the onion, green chilies, 1/4 cup of the enchilada sauce and the spices. Simmer until the onions are translucent.

Spray a 9"x13" baking pan with no-stick. Spread about 1/4 cup of enchilada sauce in the bottom.

Set up an assembly line to make the enchiladas. Pour the rest of the sauce into a wide shallow bowl.
Dip a tortilla into the sauce, do both sides.
Spread a heaping spoonful of the meat mixture down the middle of the tortilla.
Add shredded cheese.
Fold the two ends of the tortilla over the middle (like an omelet), then use both hands to transfer the enchilada into the baking pan, folded side down.
Once all the enchiladas are made, pour the rest of the sauce over them in the pan, sprinkle the rest of the cheese over the top, then add the black olives if you want.
Bake at 350 degrees for 20-30 minutes or until the cheese is melted and bubbly.

If you have a crockpot, you can brown the meat that way, even frozen. A couple of hours on medium low will thaw it out and cook it. After you drain it, add the onion and spices and let it cook another hour.

A pastry cutter works great to chop the meat super fine.

This makes a pretty mild enchilada, add more chili powder and/or a chopped jalepeno or two to zing it up.

Canned enchilada sauce is ok, but if you make your own (recipe here), it really does make a difference.

Posted by: Ted at 12:29 AM | Comments (16) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 17, 2004

Don't snicker, it's a Vorpal Bunny

Yutaka Fukufuji is Japan's hope for respectablility in Olympic ice hockey. He attends development camps in the US and played for Cincinnati in the East Coast Hockey League.

Here's a picture of Fukufuji in the gear for Kokudo, his home team in Japan.

Thanks to Sharkspage for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 02:49 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Assault Weapon Ban

Publicola asks an important question:

If the "Assault Weapons" Ban is renewed will you vote Republican generally & Bush specifically this November?

Yes

His reasoning parallels mine, although we come to different conclusions because our key issues are different. I think that second ammendment rights are important, and he makes some telling points that give me things to chew through, but for me the key issue is foreign policy (a superset of the war on terror). I'm going to paint with a broad brush here, so don't get all nitpicky on me. Comments are certainly welcomed.

With President Bush at the helm, America is once again pursuing her best interests. All of the Euro-whining and the moonbat barking basically boil down to the same thing: America is doing what it feels is best for America, and if another country doesn't agree, well, that's just too damn bad. According to some, we're only supposed to act if we get permission from historical friends and allies, regardless of how they've behaved towards us in the present and recent past.

France is diplomatically deft but otherwise irrelevant. Germany is still trying to shake off its national angst over WWII and the effects of reunification, rendering it less than effective on an international scale (other than economically). On a personal note, I found the Germans to be the most racially prejudiced people I've ever met. Is that a European trait? I don't know, but Germans are wonderful people that definitely have a strong bias against non-whites. And America is a mongrel country to them, which may explain some things. Moving along, you have Spain, Italy and Portugal, important locally, but much less so on the international stage.

These countries, and the rest of Europe, have been 'dealing' with the unpleasant facts of the world for decades. Rather than solving their problems, they compromise, usually by devising a solution designed to buy time. They hope the problem will go away in the meantime, or perhaps someone with authority (aristocracy or bureaucracy) will take care of it. It's been pointed out for years that NATO relies almost entirely on US air transport. Are the other NATO nations rushing to build military cargo aircraft? Of course not, but they are finding time to write regulations to define how much curve an imported banana is allowed.

Why are we taking these people into consideration when deciding on US national policy? Because we have to, but over the years that aspect has grown from being one consideration to become THE key consideration.

The foreign policies of this administration recognize that fact. John Kerry wants to bring back the old way, the safe way, the European way. He wants to 'deal' with the world instead of solving its problems as they affect America.

George W. Bush is no friend to the armed citizenry of the US, but he would never bow down to international pressure (via the UN) to impose stricter gun controls. I'm not so sure than John Kerry wouldn't think that a fine idea, since the rest of the world would want that.

I'm sorry if you feel that you couldn't vote for President Bush if the AWB is renewed. I hope you're right when you speculate that there wouldn't be a significant difference in the arena of second ammendment rights under Kerry. That's a helluva gamble though, in my humble opinion.

For the record: I'm anti-AWB. It's stupid legislation, designed to make people think something is being done without actually addressing the perceived problem.

Posted by: Ted at 09:59 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

The Donner Party

Growing up in northern California you learn different things than you do in other parts of the country. Of course, you learn about the Revolutionary War and The Civil War, and all those tiny states up in the corner where America first began, but you're more exposed to western history and geography. Things like the missions along the El Camino Real, Father Junipero Serra, redwoods and the '49 Gold Rush. Also, you hear about the Donner Party.

The Donner Party were settlers coming to California to homestead. After making a series of bad decisions, they wound up stranded up in the Sierra Nevada mountains for the winter. The winter was harsh and food was scarce, and before the spring thaw arrived half of the original eighty had died, and some had reverted to cannibalism to survive.

My uncle had a wonderful collection of books in his home, and one was about the Donner Party. In this book, diary entries and personal recollections from survivor interviews were gathered to tell their tragic story. These people literally went through frozen hell trying to keep their children and each other alive. Over the years I've read everything I could find on the subject, for it holds a morbid fascination for me.

Archeologists have discovered what they believe to be one of the camps used by the Donner party.

Here's an excellent site that shows the original route and timetable, using quotes from the original sources to create a daily log.

This is a nice resource, with tons of links to related materials.

Posted by: Ted at 08:06 AM | Comments (16) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

There's an idea, just throw rocks at it until it goes away

Spain is proposing an interesting concept that could possibly provide Earth with some protection from those 'killer' rocks that's floating around up there (Bruce Willis ain't gonna live forever, ya know).

According to their plan, a pair of spacecraft will be launched together to intercept a selected asteroid. One will orbit the rock and take measurements and pictures, while the other slams into the asteroid in an attempt to alter its trajectory. The idea being if you do it far enough away, a smaller nudge is needed to make it miss Mother Earth.

Posted by: Ted at 06:42 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 16, 2004

So much for *that* nap

So I'm in the recliner after dinner, having told my wife that I'm going to close my eyes for an hour, when the Martha Stewart news comes on the TV.

I startled the wife and both dogs as I came flying out of my chair when Martha Stewart actually compared herself to Nelson Mandella.

I'm trying to maintain some perspective, but it's hard when that condescending and sanctimonious bitch whines about how she's being treated.

Posted by: Ted at 11:18 PM | Comments (17) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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