The Ann Coulter Beaver Shot

So Ann Coulter's Time magazine photo is all the controversy. So I FINALLY find the pic every one is talking about, but I have to scroll up to see it.

First, the feet:

Good Lord!! Do those belong to the Wicked Witch of the West or What? I'll grant that Coulter has big feet, but come-on! Either Coulter and Shaq where the same shoe size or these photos are seriously distorted.

Anyway, as I said, I'm scrolling up to see the photos. Next come the ankles and shins:

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Ahh, much better. You know, without the feet those legs are looking...hmm, what is the word, I'm looking for??...pretyy damn nice. Yeah, I know, still distorted, but I like long legs! Hot...hot...conservative long legs. Ok, am I being unethical with all this? I think not.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, right about this point I'm saying to myself--because I have only heard there was some sort of photo controversy but not what it's about--that if you just go a little north of shin territory you hit kneecap land and depending on the angle of the camera....Could it be? No way! Is the forbidden beaver shot next? Is this the next oops shot of the century? A Brittney Spears at the Oscars, only for right-wing geeks? Hey, Ann Coulter, what's on your iPod?

Here it is...............

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Denied!! Freaking pervs. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves....

Anyway, I wouldn't have given it a second look had it actually been the money shot. A first look, yes...but not a second one. Hey, Rusty is a gentleman if nothing else!! And I find a demure chick more sexy than a slutty one any day.

Anyway, it just kinda goes downhill from there. The face shot is pretty bad. Coulter is a wee bit on the thin side anyway, but that photo is eerily scare-crowish!

I agree with John Hawkins that Ann is still pretty hot.

But this is the real sultry shot. The shot that says, "Yeah I've made out with all the top conservative writers like Dinesh D'Souza. Jealous?" YES!

You think she's ready to move from dating print writers to, say, bloggers? Just asking. Jeez!

And that quote!! The quote just exudes sexuality. There's nothing sexier than a blonde pontificating on the merits of thermonuclear war!! I'm serious. This is not a joke.

Anyway, Plains Feeder runs the photo through some fancy thingy or another to come up with a much more flattering photo here.

Kevin Aylward has a real candid shot of Ann that's pretty flattering.

But before you decide to give me a ring, Ann, you should know I'm happily married to my wife of 12 years, Nancy. But you cold do me a little favor. How about teaching her some of those dirty-dirty words? You know like, "send in the national guard" (yeah baby) or "liberals are either traitors or idiots" (that's what I like to hear) or "it would be fun to nuke them" (that's right) or my favorite and the all time sexiest sentence ever to come from your lips, "We need to execute people like John Walker Lindh in order to physically intimidate liberals." (yowza!!)

Excuse me. I suddenly feel the urge to break out the candles, some exotic oils, and that copy of The Day After that just sets the mood just right.

If you came looking for the Ann Coulter beaver shot you should be ashamed of yourself. But aren't the quotes much much dirtier?

Posted by: Rusty at 09:42 PM

Comments

1 I wonder why they decided to take seriously somoene who managed to get themselves fired from the national review.

Posted by: actus at April 18, 2005 09:56 PM (0HUw1)

2 actus, sounds like jealousy.

Posted by: Carlos at April 18, 2005 10:20 PM (paKD6)

3 A fisheye lens.

Posted by: Collin Baber at April 18, 2005 10:50 PM (FV4oJ)

4 Here we have an instance whereby conservative bloggers are discussing Ann Coulter's beaver. Now, what I want to see is Daily Kos and Atrios start discussing Maureen Dowd's or Susan Estrich's beaver. Or maybe Al Franken could discuss the Garofalo beaver.

We should encourage this type of balance in the blogosphere. It would also be interesting to see how radical feminists react to discussions about their beavers.

Posted by: Interested-Participant at April 19, 2005 12:05 AM (ywZa8)

5 Perhaps it should have been a beaver shot, so those interested could have seen whether or not she has the balls to say that to Kim Jong Il.

Posted by: A Finn at April 19, 2005 02:48 AM (cWMi4)

6 "the Garofalo beaver" EWWW, that is a disgusting mental picture

Posted by: traderrob at April 19, 2005 07:46 AM (3al54)

7 Beaver shot? What is wrong with you people?

Now, if Hillary whiped out her ding dong and started smackin people around with it, that would be cool.

Posted by: Filthy Allah at April 19, 2005 07:48 AM (yBHNA)

8 Beaver shots are good for the cuntry.

Posted by: Mr. K at April 19, 2005 08:16 AM (oJgrW)

9 Ann Coulter is a babe with brains.

Posted by: Young Bourbon Professional at April 19, 2005 08:27 AM (x+5JB)

10 She's Bitch Meat!

I've got a good recipe for bitch meat too. You stick a cork in their ass and an apple in their mouth and slow cook 'um on the smoker.

Posted by: greg at April 19, 2005 08:50 AM (/+dAV)

11 Greg: The Rabelaisian in me wants to modify some of what you have written, but I will refrain.

Posted by: Young Bourbon Professional at April 19, 2005 09:14 AM (x+5JB)

12 YBP,
Let your freak flag fly brother!

Posted by: greg at April 19, 2005 09:18 AM (/+dAV)

13 I can't understand what all the fuss is about. Ann Coulter is a has-been know-it-all.

Posted by: Copper at April 19, 2005 11:19 AM (Hr/Cl)

14 Greg: I...cannot. The mixed company on this site, you know.

Posted by: Young Bourbon Professional at April 19, 2005 12:52 PM (x+5JB)

15 Coulter is a talented writer, but it wouldn't hurt her looks to grab a Double Whopper with cheese every now and again...

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at April 19, 2005 04:55 PM (L1Pk8)

16 A few extra pounds might hide that Adam's apple.

Posted by: McCoy at April 20, 2005 12:39 AM (WcWV3)

17 The only reason Lib haters cut on Coulter's looks is because she's hot. If she were an ugly cow like Molly Ivins her looks wouldn't be an issue.

Posted by: Carlos at April 20, 2005 08:04 AM (tFXpR)

18 She looks like the Skelator. She's too boney. I'd fuck her with Filthy Allah's dick just to soil the bitch.

Posted by: greg at April 20, 2005 08:25 AM (/+dAV)

19 What do you call an anemic woman with a yeast infection?

A quarter-pounder with cheese.

Posted by: greg at April 20, 2005 09:22 AM (/+dAV)

20 Errata
Change "anemic" to "anorexic".

Posted by: greg at April 20, 2005 01:22 PM (/+dAV)

21 Adam's apple?

Posted by: Collin Baber at April 20, 2005 06:34 PM (FV4oJ)

22 Remember, it's not nice to Rush to judgment or "slander" Big Foot and the crane fly.

Posted by: Kate at April 21, 2005 10:30 PM (i/3r7)

23 Ann's thigh pic is not as revealing shots of Katie Couric & Diane Sawyer while they are doing interviews daily.

Posted by: reene at April 21, 2005 10:46 PM (pO1tP)

24 An Adam's apple may occur when the air flow of words gets trapped often before the brain develops a complete thought.

Posted by: Kate at April 21, 2005 11:22 PM (9pp7Q)

25 This bonerack idiot spent ten minutes the other day talking about an anorexic idiot woman who was furiously pedaling an exercise bicycle at her (Coulter's) spa. Her point being that women who obsess on their weight are sicko nutcases. I agree, Annynofanny. Getting it on with this knobby ass skeleton skank would be about as much fun as jacking off with a welding glove. Plus you'd have to listen to her stupid ass drivel instead of some righteous panting.

Posted by: Can'tstandthebitch at April 24, 2005 02:11 PM (OWW3T)

26 Check the pic of Ann on my site. Scroll down and look at what she would like to do to the maggots who hate her!

Posted by: mike mora at May 16, 2005 12:35 PM (lXov6)

27 You'll never see the Coulter beav, because Ann Coulter is a man. Search "Ann Coulter Adam's Apple" on Google.

Further proof of Republican repressed homosexuality (did we need any more?).

She hangs out at the same bar as Jeff Gannon, Dave Drier and Karl Rove.

GOP = Gays on Parade.

(not that there is anyhting wrong with that if they weren't so self-loathing)

Posted by: dtownla at September 22, 2005 10:42 AM (zFDGN)

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